Goomboid Prime
by Mushroom Scribe
Summary: In the depths of Rosetta Galaxy, a lone Hunter fights an ongoing war against villainy. Soon, however, she will face her greatest challenge yet: a plumber from Brooklyn. Can they unite against a common foe? ..I promise this fic isn't as silly as it sounds!
1. The Random Menace

**GOOMBOID PRIME**

A Mario/Metroid Crossover (hey, stop booing) by Mushroom Scribe

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><p>Almost every single character is © NintendoShigeru Miyamoto. Story and crossover elements © me. Rated T for a tiny bit of language and one semi-gory scene (just to be safe). More notes after the chapter.

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><p><span>- Prologue -<span>

Space Hunter's Log, Entry 8686:

"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to Durian, the lair of my newest archenemy. Hostile forces have barred my way at every turn, and yet I must persevere. Pride and boastfulness aside, it is no exaggeration when I state that there is no other life form capable of bringing down this menace to the galaxy. Her reach could in fact stretch over this one and into those far beyond the Federation's protection. The fate of the universe rests on my shoulders.

"One thing that has baffled me throughout this misadventure is the likeness emblazoned on much of the equipment of a lone man. He seems quite ordinary (or even below average), yet he is everywhere. Perhaps he could be the scientist responsible for this travesty of technology? I must inquire further on this matter… in the event I make it off this hunk of space rock alive.

"Perhaps that is cold of me to refer to my homeworld as a rock, but… without my family here that is all it has become to me. A lifeless heap of ore to be plundered. That's all anyone else has ever seen it as, friend and foe alike. How did my life come to this? How did I lose every last person and thing I hold dear, one tragedy after another? Is there any true reason for me to keep fighting the good fight, knowing there is nothing left to personally motivate my actions? I have made it my business to look after my galaxy, but who is going to look after me?

"My trusty laser cannon and Waria armor are my only companions in this quest, and they hold no answers. Blindly, I go now to confront pure evil… and my own certain doom."

- Chapter 1: The Random Menace -

It was a peaceful day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Of course it was – until it wasn't. Most non-peaceful days start out in an entirely different way than they end.

Mario, well-seasoned Italian plumber and hero to law-abiding fungus everywhere, was lounging in a deck chair, Gentleshroom's Quarterly in one hand and a cold fruity drink in the other. Truthfully, he could have used a piña colada, but they didn't manufacture any kind of alcohol in Mushroom World (a crying shame in his opinion). He could think of nothing else he would rather be doing than this – except maybe a casual game of ping-pong.

This is when Luigi ran up, panting and wheezing. Mario smiled as he pushed his sunglasses up to rest on the brim of his hat. "Didn't I tell you that you should start that exercise regimen with me back at the beginning of Summer? Well, didn't I?"

"Mario… we got… we got-"

"We got lazy," Mario finished for him. "I'm all for good food and a stress-free lifestyle, but if my brother can't even take a brisk jog without-"

"We got trouble!"

Instantly, Mario was on his feet, magazine and frosty beverage long forgotten. "Gimme the W's."

"_Who_ is the Koopa Kids – as you probably knew," Luigi told him as he wiped sweat from his brow. "_Where_ is in Pipe Maze. And _why_… well, your guess is as good as mine, right?"

"Those darned Koopas!" Mario burst out as he jammed his feet into his scuffed leather workboots. "Can't they leave us alone for five friggin' seconds?"

Luigi shrugged as he surreptitiously picked up Mario's abandoned drink and took a sip to wet his now-parched throat. "They did, actually; Dark Land has been quiet for the last couple of months. I wonder what they're up to?"

"No time to psychoanalyze the minds of madmen; we have a kingdom to save!"

-o-o-o-o-

Mario and Luigi sprang into action the moment they arrived in the Pipe Maze. It was mayhem. Everywhere they looked, there were Koopalings in tiny airships raining destruction upon the landscape with Bob-Ombs and fireballs. Thus, the two plumbers took to the air and began stomping Paratroopas and other various riffraff.

"Pastaface Plumber and Forgettable Relation!" Bowser Koopa said in his gravelly voice when he spotted them trying to ruin his plans. "Hah! I was expecting you this time!"

"Save your witty repartee for somebody who cares, you lousy lizard!"

Luigi frowned as he took out a Bullet Bill cannon. "I put in just as much work as Mario. Why do I always get second billing – or no billing at all? 'Forgettable relation' indeed!"

A V-formation of Paratroopas dive-bombed them at that instant. Launching himself off a pipe the size of a small recreational vehicle, Mario landed on top of the spearhead, knocking the dazed terrapin to the ground far below. From there he did a quick somersault and bounced onto another three of them as his brother did the same, and by the time they came close to the last few they let out frightened squeaks and turned tail, headed for parts unknown.

Mario landed on the lip of another pipe and shook his fist skyward. "I'm comin' to clobber you, Koopa!"

The enormous gecko-turtle-dragon hybrid creature threw back his head and laughed, exposing row upon row of lethal-looking fangs. "You and what army, faucet freak? Princess Toadstool has only got a whopping _two guys_ she'll send out to do her dirty work! I, on the other hand, came amply prepared!"

"So did I!" Mario's hand strayed to his pockets, where he knew he had at least one power-up left; maybe even a few if he was lucky. But he hesitated a moment too long.

"_Observe!"_

That little "observe" came from one of the Koopaling ships – it was already upon them before Mario realized the pilot was Wendy, his only daughter. Her teeth bared in a sinister grin, she guided it directly at his head. The brothers were quicker than that, however, and they both executed an Olympic-grade high jump at the right moment to clear her attack.

Mario's timing was off, though, and he ended up landing next to her in the cockpit, though facing backward. They stared at each other, blinked – and the lizard girl screamed.

"DAAADDY! Hitchhiker!"

"IGGY!" the bossman barked. "Go help your sister!"

"But King Dad, I was just about to demolish-"

"Do I look like a tyrant who cares? _Do as I say or I'm cutting your allowance in half!"_

"Yessir!"

Meanwhile, Wendy was kicking Mario in the head with her cute little pink high-heels and trying to steer her ship at the same time. She wasn't doing particularly well at either. "Get outta here, you creep! I don't believe in giving free rides to strangers!"

"You're a lousy pilot!" he accused as he fought to protect his face from the worst of the damage. "And your shoes don't match your hairbow!"

Wendy stopped dead still and glared at him. Then, to his utter amazement, her large, pouty bottom lip began to tremble. "But I… I worked really hard at picking these out. I thought I looked nice."

Flabbergasted – and sensing true peril – Mario gulped. "Well… okay, so maybe they do match. One has white polka-dots and the other doesn't, but they're the same shade of pink, and- hey, what do I know about fashion? Do you see what I'm wearing? Overalls! Who the hell wears overalls anymore?"

"You horrible, horrible _cad!_ How could you say an insensitive thing like that to a lady? You'll pay for this – I swear you will!"

And that was when she suddenly spun the wheel, turning the ship upside down. Luckily for her, she was a conscientious driver and always buckled her safety belt. Unluckily for Mario, he never got the chance to do the same.

"LUUUIIIGIII!" he bellowed as he fell down, down, down into the mess of pipes below.

"Mario – _crap!_ I'm comin', Bro!"

As Mario plummeted to his death, he reflected that he wished the whole Koopa family would just up and croak already so he wouldn't have to keep suffering through such headaches. More specifically, he wished he never, ever laid eyes on Wendy O. Koopa again.

The plumber only had about an instant to wonder about the odd sight he saw heading in his direction (or that he was heading in the direction of, as it were). Since when were there translucent-rainbow pipes? Most of the ones he'd seen in and around the kingdom were green, blue or yellow. Maybe red once in a while.

Then he was falling into it and the time to find its color fascinating was over.

Mario had grown all too used to it over the years, being sucked through a Warp Zone. It had been how he and his brother had landed themselves in the Mushroom Kingdom to begin with. Now, however, in addition to the sensations of being upside down while tumbling end over end, he also felt like he was being turned inside out and all of his colors were being reversed. Mario had never felt so strange, which was saying a lot for a plumber who talked to fungus and used flowers to shoot fire from his fingertips on a regular basis.

As with all Warp Zones, the journey came to an end when he was spit out the other side of the pipe. Question was, where had this journey brought him?

Slowly, Mario stood, pushing his feet into the soil beneath him. It was spongy and moist. As his eyes adjusted to the low light, he realized it was brighter up ahead… wherever up ahead was.

"Forget this," he sighed. "I'm in no mood to seek out new life and new civilizations. Time to go home."

But that didn't seem as if it would work out. The pipe was nowhere to be found. Mario spent a goodly amount of time searching for it with no luck; it was simply gone as if it had never existed. What in the name of Allen Wrench was going on?

"But they always have two ends," he babbled to himself, still running his hands over the craggy cave wall. "Every time, you go in one end and come out the other. So I should be able to go back…"

Exploration seemed to have decided they were going to spend an afternoon together after all.

Adjusting the waistband of his overalls, Mario stomped off toward the glow. As he went, he saw all kinds of creatures that he had no name for crawling along the walls, or swimming in brackish water. Finally, he came to the glow… and was stunned to see something he had no word for.

It was a huge, round blue dome. Moreover, it was bowing outward from the biggest mess of technology he'd ever seen – certainly more than he'd ever seen in the Mushroom Kingdom, where they were still working on electricity and running water. Metal gleamed and wiring hummed, and smaller lights blinked statuses that he couldn't decipher. He pushed a hand into the blue dome and it was cool to the touch. He knocked; no answer. Then he punched it harder-

And it irised open. Mario's arms whirled as he fought to keep his balance, but it was a fight he did not win and through the door he tumbled. He did, however, manage to make himself spin so he could watch the door iris shut behind him… and disappear. Well, it didn't really disappear, but the other side showed no indication that there was a door there, and being that he didn't have a photographic memory he likely wouldn't remember where it had been if he went back to find it later.

At the last second, Mario managed to reach out and snag a platform that was protruding from the wall. It was a long way down. Should he keep going, or change direction and head for the ceiling? Maybe he should try to rip that door back open anyway – if he remembered which identical stretch of wall was the door. On the other hand, what would it matter if it just took him back to where the pipe _wasn't?_

Then an earthquake and piercing wail of an alarm seemed to ask him to make up his mind quickly. Had he been discovered? Was he about to end up in some crazy dungeon, or worse? Running a hand down his face, he glanced both upward and downward to see if either one of them was suddenly more appealing. No such luck.

As he was still debating, he saw a gleam of blue out of the corner of his eye; it was another door, far, far down at the bottom of this strange vertical shaft. Maybe that was the way he should be heading. Where there's a door, there's the possibility of an exit.

He had just tentatively hopped down one or two platforms and was starting to decide that maybe they were all sturdy enough to support his weight when he saw a whirling, glinting object heading straight for him. An attack! That's what it had to be, right? A big, shiny cannonball! But then the cannonball dropped onto the ledge in front of him and straightened out into a humanoid form, one only slightly taller than he was. It was like a metallic sunset, oranges and yellows and reds glinting from every facet except the greenish visor in the helmet – for now Mario was reasonably sure this was a person in a suit and not some weird kind of robot.

As he stood there, dumbfounded, the creature's arm raised and pointed what might possibly have been a cannon directly at his face. Obviously this wasn't a surprise birthday party. The creature's free hand (or the only one it had?) touched the side of its helmet, and a clear, no-nonsense voice barked, "Give me a reason to let you live."

English – great! That didn't mean he was out of the woods yet, but it was a place to start from. "Uhh… because I have unpaid parking tickets?"

An audible sigh of annoyance. Maybe humor wasn't going to be his best bet. "Do you have a ship?"

"Ship? You mean like the S.S. Minnow? 'Fraid not."

The helmet swiveled down to watch as that recently-used door at the bottom suddenly decided to explode. "This place is about to turn itself into a cinder, tenderfoot. If you can keep up, I'll give you a lift as far as Police Headquarters. Then you're on your own." With a widened stance, the being started to look up to judge its best route, then glanced sideways again. "But I'm warning you – try any funny business and you'll have enough new breathing holes that your enormous nose will no longer be necessary."

Mario frowned at the insult to his appearance but nodded. Now was not the time for vanity.

He quickly realized what this odd personage had meant by "if you can keep up", because he'd never seen anyone or anything move that fast. Every jump well-executed, every landing a perfect ten. Once or twice, the height of the jump hadn't been enough but a quick grab on the ledge's lip and a heave meant standing and readying for another leap.

When he saw the heavy boots slam into the wall itself and propel the rest of the body upward, spinning end over end, his jaw dropped. Even with all his experience, he'd never seen anybody do that – even an Olympic gymnast! They'd puke!

Not that Mario felt he was outclassed. On the contrary; if there was one thing he got even better at during his stay in the Mushroom Kingdom it was jumping. Jumping over lava, jumping from airship to airship… jumping for joy when Bowser's latest plans were foiled once more. If only he had this kind of technique back when he was in track and field in high school!

Finally they reached an elevator, and his would-be rescuer gave an impatient sigh and waited the extra second it took him to get to it. Then the helmet angled upward, and somehow the elevator knew this was its cue to ascend. They were on little more than a glowing disc that shot up a hollow tube. As it moved, he asked, "So, uh… why are we trying not to be blown to bits?"

"Silence."

"Hey, just making conversaNGH!"

"Listen and listen well, maggot," the being snapped while clutching the lapel of his shirt and lifting him off the surface of the elevator. "I'm saving your life here. I don't like you, we aren't friends – I sure as space junk don't trust you. In fact, my working theory is that you're behind all this. So until you've proven otherwise, consider yourself in my custody."

"Behind all WHAT?" he rasped. Then he was dropped so he could properly rub his strangled throat. "I don't have a single clue as to how I got here, or even where 'here' is, so me taking a wild guess? I'm not behind anything. I'm just a blue-collar schlub who went down the wrong pipe."

"Save it. Anybody can talk a good game. I've heard plenty of tall tales in every police holding unit across the galaxy, and they all sound like yours: 'wrong place wrong time', 'I don't even know how to fire a plasma beam', 'she was like that when I found her, I swear'. Pathetic."

He squinted up at the visor, trying to see inside it. Nothing doing; it was almost totally opaque. How could they see him, or anything else? Then he sputtered, "Wait… galaxy? So we're in space?"

"No," the creature sighed with waning patience. "We are on a planet. If we don't completely fail to escape with our tails intact, we _will_ be in space very shortly, so cross your fingers."

"And you're a cop?"

A light chuckle. "Space Hunter. I capture criminals and undesirables and bring them in to the police for bounty. Strictly for hire, and at a strictly lofty price."

Mario raised his eyebrows. "Really? 'Cause I have a lizard infestation problem back home that me and my friends could use a little assistance with."

With that, the voice turned cold – somehow. As if it hadn't been cold before. "I doubt you could afford me." The quality of the light changed, and the stranger's posture shifted into one of action. "Okay, we're almost there. Fall behind and you will be destroyed with the rest of this region. According to my readings on radiation levels, we only have… less than two minutes to clear its atmosphere before the reactor goes critical and we all fry."

"_Two minutes?_ How far away is your ship?"

"Running? Maybe a minute and a half."

"No way! We'll be flotsam and jetsam! We-"

"We will be fine. Or I will be; I have a speed booster equipped." Another sigh. "Hop on."

"Hop on… what? Your back?"

"You'll never keep up with me when I shift into boost-mode. If you value your life, HOLD STILL or I will shrug you off and you can eat my stardust."

Seeing that the being was crouching to shoot off in some direction or other, Mario hopped up and locked his arms and legs around its waist and shoulders. He was doing his best to stay away from the neck so as not to choke his only ally in this bizarre location, but then he realized it probably wouldn't matter through an armored suit. "Ready when you are."

The tube fell away, and Mario saw a chamber. Then he didn't see it, because they had raced through. He had a glimpse of another vertical chamber before he suddenly felt like he was going to hurl, because his host was flipping through the air from foothold to foothold, compensating for his weight with the greatest of ease. In no time they were at the top, blasting through doors and walls alike. He blinked again… and they had exited the cave.

"It's raining," he observed.

"Damn. Ruined my plans for a casual picnic in yonder meadow." Then he was dumped unceremoniously to the ground – except he suddenly found he was sitting on a huge, gleaming metal platform. "Get in."

"Get in what?" A door opened in the floor. "Oh." In he got. His rescuer followed, sealing the door behind them, and dashed past to a room he suddenly realized was the cockpit. "So this is your ride? Nice, I guess – not that I've been in many spaceships."

"Yeah, thanks. Hang onto something. Or don't, and end up with whiplash and a few cracked molars. See if I care."

Mario braced himself in the narrow doorway behind the cockpit and prayed to any local deities that might be listening that he made it out alive. Then he was nearly flattened into a pancake when they lifted off.

"How fffast does thhhis thing ggggo?" he drawled.

"Faster than you can think, slug brain." Seemed as if that suit also protected its pilot from the forces associated with escaping from a gravitational field. Neato.

"Howww mmmannny mmmiles to the gaaallonnn doesss shhhe gettt?"

"Will you shut your gaping airlock for one minute?"

They stayed silent until they were at a safe distance from the planet's surface, and the g-force began to lessen around Mario's body. Shortly thereafter, the entire ship shook. "Whoa!" he yelped. "What's going on, are we blowing up?"

"Just a shockwave from Mother Drain's self-destruct." A sigh – of relief this time. "We're okay. We're really okay now… I live to fight another day."

"Mother Drain?"

Fingers flew over the keyboard as the ship's pilot set a course for wherever they were headed next. "A construct of the Space Plumbers. Apparently, they used their technological pipework to build an A.I. that would control their defense systems and research into the Goomboids… and it got out of hand. I've always been a firm believer in cosmic karma, anyway."

"_Goomboids?"_ he said weakly. "What in the… do I even wanna know what those are?"

"Maybe it's your turn to answer a question from me," his savior growled as the seat turned to face him directly. "How come your drab attire so closely resembles the uniform of the Space Plumbers? And why is your face all over their equipment? Don't forget I can blow a crater in your abdomen at any time."

Mario took off his cap and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, Robocop, I got no clue where this is or why I'm there. All I know is I fell in this clearish rainbow pipe and wound up in someplace that was nowhere NEAR where I started. As for my clothes, it's what all plumbers wear, isn't it? Denim and workboots?"

"So you admit you're one of them. The Space Plumbers."

"No, I'm _A_ plumber_._ I fix pipes for a living. I have never before nor intend to fix any in _outer space_, though, so whatever you're talking about is just… craziness, and news to me."

At that, the pilot tilted its head to the side, as if trying to get a new perspective. When the voice spoke again, it had lost some of its previous frost. "Your clothes do seem to be a bit… primitive. Completely inadequate for interplanetary travel. Where did you say you were from again?"

"Brooklyn, originally… but these days I hang my hat in the Mushroom Kingdom."

"Mushroombus Seven, or Five, the capital?"

Mario's brow furrowed. "What? No, Mushroom _Kingdom_. What are you talking about, five?"

"Planets one through four in that system are uninhabitable wastelands. Any amoeba knows that much at least. Wait…" An arm and an arm cannon folded over its chest. "You're really saying 'kingdom'. But there's no such things as kingdoms, not in this millennium. Could we be talking about some kind of time travel? Dimensional flux?"

"Uhh… sure. Look, I don't know anything about flux capacitors or whatever, but I know something about traveling between worlds, and that was _definitely _what it felt like when I fell through the pipe. My guess is that home is a long way away by your standard, uh, rocketship."

The stranger nodded. "Right. Well, it's not my problem – which is fine, since I wouldn't even begin to know how to help you – but as I promised, I will bring you with me to the police, who can likely put you in contact with Gaddologic Space Labs. They might be able to help. As for me, now that I've set the autopilot I'm off for a nice long shower and to put my Power-Up Suit through the rinse cycle; I have spent _days_ crawling around the caverns of Delfebes and this thing is pretty ripe."

"Hang on!" Mario yelped as the stranger stood while releasing some locking clamps on the sides of the helmet. "You're just turning me over to the cops? That's not very neighborly, is it?"

"Who said I was your Bob-ombdamn neighbor, son?"

Mario's heart stuck in his throat when he got an eyeful of the face behind the helmet. The fact that his rescuer was a woman was actually about fifth on the list of shocks he received. Higher up was that she was, indeed, his neighbor. Higher up than that…

"_WENDY?"_

_***To Be Continued!***_

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><p>NOTES: So yep, I decided not to hang onto the "BIG REVEAL" until chapter 2, just put it right out there. In case you still missed it anyway, we have traveled to a dimension in which <em>Wendy is Samus.<em> What do you think? Did I make a delicious new confection, or a recipe for disaster? Be kind, this is my first crossover, but… I have big plans.

Let's get this out of the way: MOST of the basic plot of the story (from Chapter 5 on) is going to be taken from Metroid Prime, which will probably anger the gods of originality. I'm just putting a Mario twist on it and turning it into a "buddy cop" movie. Needless to say, if you somehow haven't played Prime by now but still care about spoilers, there will be a LOT. On the other hand, I vary from said plot when it suits me, which will anger the purists who want me to actually detail the finding of TWELVE ARTIFACTS and therefore drag this on much longer than any sane writer would. It's one thing in a game where it's presenting a challenge, but to write "And then they found another one… and another one… and ANOTHER one…"

How about, um, no.

I'm messing around with it, and even I am not sure how this is going to end yet because I've only got about half of it written up through the 'rough draft' stage. Also, I threw in a bunch of semi-obscure references to pop culture (especially Nintendo) that may seem campy at times because they are, but it's all in fun, right? I mean, look at the two universes this crossover bridges! See you soon!


	2. Variant Cover

- Chapter 2: Variant Cover -

In a flash, this taller, leaner Wendy O. Koopa had Mario pinned to the bulkhead. _"What _did you call me?"

"Sorry!" he croaked through a bruised windpipe. "I… I'm sorry, I just… I'm surprised…"

"Nobody gets to call me that. Nobody but Toadam – and even he had to earn it." Then she released him, staring down at his new position on the floor out of clear blue eyes set in tanned reptilian scales. "Now, let's go back to how you know who I am."

"But you're so… so different. You're a blonde, which is kind of a change from being _bald._"

Her features, already annoyed, grew further disgruntled. "Who said I was bald? Ugh, bartenders will spread any rumor about me that sounds mildly amusing…"

"Listen, Wendy, I- I don't know how you wound up here too, but maybe we should put our differences aside and figure out how-_GLK!"_

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT." She let him go (again) and scowled, folding her arms. "It's Wendus to you. Actually, it's Officer Oran; I don't even think you should be allowed to use my first name at all."

Mario squinted at her, completely thrown for a loop. "Did you hit your head or something? And how'd you follow me through the pipe if it disappeared? You're supposed to be flying around with your dad right now, causing mayhem and destruction."

"That is impossible. My father has been dead for decades."

"What? B-but- wait…" He frowned. "How old are you exactly?"

Her upper lip curled. "Save the pillow talk for some other girl, flyboy."

"No, I- you're supposed to be sixteen, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're at least mid-twenties. Which is nuts."

"Supposed to be… okay." She ran her gloved hand through her limp golden locks and stared at the ceiling for a few breaths. "Let's assume you're _not _just trying to mess with my head on purpose. For the moment. What do you mean, I'm supposed to be a teenager?"

She had to have a concussion. Or a mental block. Or maybe it was some kind of evil hypnosis. Or she had just plain lost all her marbles. Either way, Mario was going to have to refresh her memory, so he shrugged and began, "Okay. Right before I fell through the pipe, you and I were having a… uh, disagreement. You kicked me in the head, then flipped your airship and dropped me into the hole. And for me that was maybe half an hour ago, tops."

"Half an hour ago I was blasting Goomboids with Missile Bills." Her eyes narrowed. "You're saying you saw me elsewhere?"

"Yeah!" he snapped, annoyed that he somehow hadn't made that clear. "You, at sixteen, with your friggin' pink high heels and your polka-dot hairbow!"

Mario had thought she was sneering when he asked for her age. He had been mistaken; _this_ was what it truly looked like when she sneered. "Ugh. Sorry, but I have better taste than that."

"No?"

"NO. You must have me confused with someone else."

That was when it hit him. "Huh… maybe… maybe I do. Didn't you just say something about dimensions waxing or whatever?"

Wendy nodded, then blinked a few times when she caught on. "You think… well. I'm not sure I can believe that. You think there's another Wendus out there in the universe – or in a parallel one?"

"Maybe you think I just have bad eyesight, lady, but since I saw Wendy O. Koopa up close and personal _just a few minutes ago when she was trying to kill me,_ you should probably believe that you and she have the same face. So either there's two of you, I got a concussion that lead to a ten-year coma, or you finished puberty awfully fast. Oh, and don't forget that you're a SPACE COP for no reason, when the kingdom I left behind couldn't even train some reliable palace guards." When she didn't respond, he added, "If you think of anything else to explain this, feel free to jump in anytime."

Wendus was staring slightly to his left, obviously thinking hard. The more Mario watched her, the more convinced he became that this wasn't the Wendy that he knew and loathed – not even ten years later with a follicle transplant. Their faces were almost exactly alike, but they were polar opposites in every other way. For starters, the pampered offspring of Bowser Koopa would _never _choose bounty hunting as a career path. She might chip a claw.

"It's none of my concern," she said forcefully, though she was visibly shaken. "I'll take you to Police HQ and let them deal with you. This kind of thing, tears in the space-time continuum… it's beyond me."

"But you did save my bacon," he reminded her, seeing something in that fact he had overlooked until now. "That makes you a-"

"A hired gun. Nothing more, nothing less. Wiping your runny nose isn't on my itinerary, plumber." When he only stared at her, she rolled her shoulders uncomfortably. "Besides, I'm a soldier. It's all I know, and that's not what you need to return to your point of origin. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

Off she went. Much worse than the fact that she wasn't going to help him was the fact that he was sitting around a piece of alien technology without the first clue of what he could or might be doing. He didn't even have his favorite book of crossword puzzles to occupy the leisure time, much less anything that was productive.

So he took to poking about the ship. When he heard the sounds of running water he rushed past that particular room, not wanting to further anger his ungracious host by barging in at an inopportune moment. He did find a restroom, and a place that would probably serve as a kitchen if he could figure out how to work any of the appliances, but nothing particularly staggering there. Eventually, he stumbled upon a seat that folded out from the wall in a hallway complete with safety harness and buckled himself in. At least now he could rest his legs.

"Ahh, much better. I feel Koopan again – or at least more Koopan than I did before."

"Well, I'm glad it hit the spot, Your MajestHOLY MACKEREL!"

Wendus stared down at him as she ran her claws through her damp hair. "What's your problem? And why are you strapped into an emergency pod?"

Mario was too dumbfounded to reply. Now that she had divested herself of armor, he could see a lot more fundamental differences between the Wendy of this alternate universe (if that's what it was) and the one he was more accustomed to. For instance, she was shaped more like the women from his own homeworld of New York – lithe and curvy, but not without a respectable amount of muscle tone. What happened to that bulky round Koopa shell? Furthermore, she was the same height as he was, whereas Kingdom-Wendy had been at least a foot shorter if not more. Add into that the hair thing, and it was pretty much down to the face that cosmically linked the two ladies.

"If you want to keep your eyes, I suggest you answer my questions, you letch."

"I… I didn't know it was an escape pod," he sputtered to life, hoping his face wasn't as red as his shirt. "And, well… let's just say you look different from the Wendy I know. A lot different."

She folded her arms over her black tank top, which matched her black shorts – both of which seemed to match her disposition. "How so?"

"Well, you don't have a turtle shell. And… and most of the other ways would be impolite to say out loud, so maybe it would be smarter if I keep those under my hat."

Her lips twitched in what was dangerously close to a smile before she wiped it away. "I find you endlessly annoying, plumber, but at least you didn't just stammer 'morph balls' and drool on the nice clean floors of my gunship."

"Ah, and there's the tail," he said, hoping they could stop talking about how big her 'morph balls' may have been. "Somehow I didn't notice it before."

"Really? My Power-Up Suit has a tail-sleeve, it was out there the whole time." A quick bark of laughter. "You're not the brightest supernova in the quadrant, are you?"

"Brains have never been my strong suit. I'm more of a hands-on, 'point me toward the grunt work' kind of dude."

"Hmm." She tapped something on the wall, some alien-looking symbols flashed up, and then she tapped it again and it disappeared. "Well, my zero-suit won't be clean for another ten minutes, and we won't arrive at HQ for an hour. Let's get some chow."

-o-o-o-o-

"Chow" turned out to be freeze-dried rations, which was all Wendus kept stocked. Luckily for both of them, the freeze-drying technology of her universe/time period/whatever had improved greatly, and whatever odd meat-substitute they enjoyed wasn't at all bad… even if it would never quite compete with fresh ingredients prepared by an expert chef. Maybe that was Mario just being spoiled by the royal cooks.

"So you fix pipes?" Wendus asked out of the blue, after about three minutes of total silence.

"Yeah," he said, trying not to gag from the shock of her sudden upswing of interest. "That's my job. Or it was supposed to be." When he caught her questioning glance, he went on, "See, you've got these, uh… _Space_ Plumbers, and the Mushroom Kingdom has got… well, to be blunt, you."

"Me?" She frowned at her food. "It figures. Here I am, busting my tail to make our galaxy a safer place, and one parallel galaxy over there's another me doing the opposite."

"In a nutshell, your dad – self-appointed 'King' Bowser Koopa – is determined to get his grubby claws on Toadstool Castle and the Mushroom Kingdom so he can move his entire family into it and out of the depressing excuse for real estate that is Dark Land. Of course, Princess Toadstool would be more than happy to let him set up a cozy little house on the outskirts, but he's bent on owning the whole shebang. Therefore…"

"Therefore, she can't let my family just run rampant." Her eyes narrowed as she poked at her lip with her spork. "And something about all this tells me… this is where you come in."

Mario grinned. "How'd you guess?"

"Because you're _nosy. _You've hardly taken a breath from asking me how old I am or why you're going to the police and all that crap since you got here, so why would you stand around and let them fight this battle when you could make it your business?"

"That's me; an altruistic busybody. Actually, like I told you, we were in the middle of a big aerial battle when I got launched into your world. You and the whole Koopa Klan, and me and my brother, Luigi."

"Just… okay, I'm sure the answer won't satisfy me in the least, but let me ask anyway. Are you and your brother the _only_ ones who stand against the villains?"

Mario shrugged as he took a sip of the vaguely-sweet-but-mostly-flavorless drink she had poured him. "What can I say? The humble 'shrooms just don't have the physical strength or battle reflexes to be of any use. Sometimes Toad helps us out, or the Princess herself, but other than that…"

Wendus scowled. "What a pathetic bunch. Leaving the fighting to their leader and a couple of foreigners while they cower like weaklings. Disgraceful. Don't they have any civic pride?"

"Not really."

"Wow. I'm beginning to see why this 'Koopa Klan' wants to overrun your kingdom. It's easy pickings."

At that, Mario frowned. "Hey, that doesn't make it right, though, does it? The 'shrooms can't help that they're half the size of even the youngest Koopaling, nevermind Bowser himself! It would be like pitting an ant against an antelope!"

"Size shouldn't matter. You should see half of the ugly mugs I've had to face – Birdley alone is at least three meters taller than me. I'm not even gonna tell you how gargantuan Kwart was!"

"Meters? Oh, great – you guys use the metric system. Where am I, Mushroom Kingdom Canada?"

"My point being, all you need is to feel a sense of attachment to your land and loved ones to take up arms against those who would steal it all away from you." Her lip curled as she dropped her spork onto her tray. "I already dislike these people of yours. It's bad enough they won't fight for themselves, but to let their very own queen go out in their place? What if she never comes back? Don't they care?"

Even though she was being incredibly judgmental about a race she'd never met, Mario had to admit there was some truth in her callous words. He'd always wondered why Toad was the only one among thousands of 'shroomy citizens that bothered to stand against the Koopa tyranny. Not that he and Luigi weren't glad to be of help, but they all seemed content to sit back and wait for their heroic off-worlders to do all the rescuing and Troopa-stomping while they hid in the root cellar. What was up with that?

"My suit should be dry, and I'm cold. If you're still hungry, help yourself."

Mario didn't say anything as she left. He wanted to ask more questions about where they were going, but somehow he didn't think she would respond too kindly so he followed her lead and put the "dishes" in a strange round hatch below the sink. There was a whirring, and he wondered if it led to a trash compactor.

A few minutes later she re-emerged wearing a close-fitting blue flight suit that matched her eyes. It was made of sturdy ribbed material that looked like it would provide some padding and could seal out the elements with the addition of a helmet, while still being fairly light. Her hair was also dry and pulled back into a ponytail. Noticing him watching, she raised an eyebrow.

"You have more outfits than a runway model," he remarked.

Probably too weary of him to even ask what that was, she gave a curt nod and plunked herself down in the cockpit. "We should be landing in about twenty minutes."

"Great. Then all I have to worry about is the cops throwing me in jail for impersonating a Space Plumber."

Wendus smiled. Then she turned in her chair and said, "Out of curiosity, how do you stave off the black shadow of my family? What's the weapon of choice in your kingdom? Swords, axes, paintball guns?"

"Mostly my feet."

"Martial artist? I've studied. Mostly Koop-Fu, a little Cheep-Kune-Do… but I tend to mix and match and lead with my arm cannon anyway, so I'd probably lose to any low-grade black belt in a formal tournament." She allowed herself an evil smirk. "But in an _informal _bout…"

"Actually," Mario went on with some embarrassment, "I meant that… I mostly jump on top of them."

Wendus gave him a blank look. "You don't."

"Yep. Seems to work the best. Of course, we do have some weapons, but they're pretty, uh… unconventional."

"Try me." When he pulled out a Fire Flower, it was readily obvious she was trying not to laugh directly into his face. "I see."

"It's magical," he snapped. "I mean, the 'shrooms aren't big on instruments of war – or even instruments that involve anything more complicated than a lever and fulcrum – so magic is our best bet."

She was already shaking her head as she checked one readout or another, smiling to herself. "Magic is a fairy tale told to small children. I've seen lots of amazing things in this sky of ours, but nothing that made me believe in wands and wizards."

"But it shoots fireballs!"

"So do I – and _science _made it happen. Advanced science of a now-extinct culture, but science nonetheless. Which I'd take over something unexplainable and uncontrollable any day."

"You're pretty cold-hearted, you know that, Wendy?"

"WENDUS. ORAN." The steely gaze softened after a few more seconds. "Please, just stop it. I know this hometown girl-next-door of yours had my face, but I am _not her._ Understand?"

"Crystal clear." They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Mario said, "You know, I really can't get over the fact that you don't even have a shell. Other than that, you're so Koopa-like."

At first she didn't answer, and Mario worried that he'd gone too far and alienated the only being in this solar system he knew. Then, in a quiet voice, she said, "That's because I'm not like the rest of the Koopans. After my parents died, I ended up being raised on that planet we just evacuated by the Yozo."

"The who?"

"They're… they _were_ an ancient race of reptilian beings, who descended from the dinosaurs much like the Koopans. Their evolution took a different path, and they developed advanced higher learning functions but lost certain innate defenses – like the shell you keep referring to." Her eyes turned down into her lap when she lost the will to keep feigning interest in the control panel. "Which I once had, as did my father and mother. Before I was changed."

Mario leaned against the doorframe and folded his arms. "Changed? Into what?"

"Into nothing. Oh, they meant well, the Yozo – they wanted to improve my cognitive reasoning skills and my physical reflexes, help me not just survive but _thrive_ in their atmosphere now that it was to be my home… but they didn't realize they robbed me of something when they spliced my DNA with some of theirs. My sense of belonging. I was never going to be a Yozo, even though in a way I am the last of their kind. At the same time, now I can no longer claim to be fully Koopan. So what does that make me? Nothing."

They both fell silent until an instrument on the panel bleeped. Then Mario whispered, "Wendy, I-" The pistol pointed at his throat halted his speech. Gulping, he forced himself to breathe and then went on. "Sorry. Miss Oran."

"Didn't I say you had to address me as 'officer', too?" she growled, still furious.

"Forget it; I'm not part of your law enforcement group – and neither are you, for that matter. But if you don't want me to call you by that nickname, I guess I should respect that, at least."

They both held still for a minute, sweat beading on Mario's forehead. Was she ever going to drop the gun? When she did, he swept his hat off and ran a hand through his hair, letting out a gust of relief.

"I'm sorry, plumber. We both know the real reason I drew on you was because you were going to say something consoling. And I do not wish to be consoled; not by a total stranger who thinks daffodils are comparable to the Wave Beam." Then she looked up at him seriously. "Not by _anyone._ It's nobody's responsibility to cheer me up, and I wouldn't ask it of anybody. Stow it."

"Really? Then what do your friends usually do when you're down, just avoid you like the plague for a few days until it all blows over?"

At that, she flashed a rueful smile. "They probably would, if I had any. Good thing I don't, huh?"

Mario felt his face falling. "No friends? Not even one?"

"Who needs 'em? Just a big headache." Then she rolled her eyes as she tapped at the controls. "And don't you start feeling sorry for me about that, too; I like it that way. No attachments, no strained emotions when the going gets tough, no heartache when they turn on you. Simplifies things, doesn't it?"

"Uh… I guess."

On that uplifting note, she then told him, "Approaching Mushroombus Five now. Figured I'd bring you to their main HQ on the capital planet, give you the best shot at some real answers. Besides, I've got to see a man about an engine upgrade; thought I felt some shuddering when we were pulling out of Planet Delfebes's atmosphere."

But Wendus Oran's bleak outlook on life was still lingering in the corners of his mind as he watch the red-and-white planet begin to loom larger through the viewscreen. Even among the Koopas and their Troopas, it was commonly understood that you at least needed some type of companionship. How did anyone get to be so hopelessly jaded?

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: Okay, so here's how it's gonna go: the first two chapters were setting up our two heroes as a foundation. Next comes a little fleshing out of the universe they inhabit. AFTER that is the action. I swear, there will be some action, because there kinda has to be action in a Metroid fic, right?<p>

See you soon!


	3. Scales Of Justice

- Chapter 3: Scales Of Justice -

"Okay… so this isn't quite going the way I hoped."

Mario gulped as he kept his hands pointed up toward the ceiling. At least twenty armed officers – some holding standard pistols, others with wrist-mounted lasers, still others with cannons like Wendus's equipped to their armored suits – stood in a semi-circle around him, all with itchy trigger fingers.

"Cuff him."

Two other policemen paced around behind Mario, jerked his hands into the small of his back and slapped something around both wrists that felt suspiciously metallic. He grimaced. "Thanks. You know, I've always wanted conjoined bracelets, they go so well with my shoes…"

"Dr. Marius, you are charged with aiding and abetting the organization known as the Space Plumbers in their conquest of the Rosetta Galaxy," one youthful-looking Koopan officer read out. This boy looked a lot more like one of the Koopas from his homeworld, and his uniform was tailored to compensate for his spiky shell. "You have the right to legal representation before the magistrate. If you do not have enough credits to afford one, the Fungalactic Federation Fugitive Freedom Fund will provide one for you."

"The F.F.F.F.F., huh? Wow, I feel F-ing special."

"Listen," Wendus said to the one of the older officers through her helmet; once again, she was ambiguous and aloof behind her metallic husk. "There may be something else in play here. From what he's said and his appearance, there may – _may _be some truth to his claims that he is not this Dr. Marius fiend. Where have I heard the name before?"

"He's the scientist that developed the A.I. for their 'Mother Drain' project," the woman informed her. Mario was intrigued by her appearance; she was also covered in scales, but they were a glittery red, like those of a fish. In fact, those might have been gills sticking out from under her orange hair. "We've been scouring the universe for years trying to pin him down, but after he finished his dirty deed for the Plumbers the man disappeared. His hefty bounty's probably been buried under newer bounties on all the Space Hunter BBSes so I'm not at all surprised you don't remember."

Wendus glanced back at Mario, who shrugged. There was a cold cast in her posture as she looked over him; what was running through her mind? "Hefty bounty, you say?"

"Need a new Gunship?"

"I see. Nevertheless," she sighed, as if it pained her to keep going, "If I were you, I'd run a full bio-scan on both him and his personal affects. It might pan out in this case."

"Fine, fine, I'll sign off on it – but only because I trust your judgment, Mr. Oran. If a seasoned veteran like you thinks it's worth checking into, then so it is."

Wendus caught the tiny smile Mario flashed her and put a hand to her forehead. _Mister_ Oran, eh? Seems like even her gender was shrouded in self-generated mystery. "Terrific. Just don't say I ever promised he's _not _Dr. Marius."

As they led Mario off to a holding cell, he turned to the female officer and said, "Excuse me… sorry if this is a stupid question, but are you… part-fish?"

The scaly woman glared daggers. "What backwater planet did you grow up on, Doctor? You've seriously _never_ seen a Cheepanese? Not even once in a video file or anything?"

"Must be one of the outlying rocks in Jugemsol," said another officer, and a few of them laughed.

That convinced Mario that he wasn't going to do himself any favors by chatting up the local fuzz, so he simply smiled apologetically and let them lock him away. He'd have his day in court to talk himself into the noose.

-o-o-o-o-

A few days passed before Mario had his preliminary hearing, during which he tried not to gawk at the bizarre mish-mashes of animals he saw in the cell with him. One particularly gruesome Koopan lady asked him if he was "seeing anyone". He replied by moving to the other end of the bench.

It wasn't until he was being herded toward the courtroom that a man in some silver metallic suit (which he supposed looked very businesslike within that universe) began running alongside him. "Sorry I'm running a little behind, Mr, oh what was... Doctor?"

"_Luigi?"_

The taller plumber blinked, startled, and glanced between Mario's face and the file folder he had in his hand several times, as if expecting one of them to change. Then he leaned in and hissed in a low voice, "Maru, what are you doing here? Your last email said you were heading for the Lylat System!"

"Bro, what in the hell are you talking about? Oh, wait, I think I can field this one myself – you're not really Luigi."

"What's a Luigi?" He squinted. "Did you get some reconstructive surgery done? Must say, they did a terrible job; you look even older than you did before and I can _still _tell it's you."

"Thanks a heap, you dork. Now, what's the score? Do I have a ghost of a chance? And why didn't you meet me at the cell? That's supposed to be your job."

Luigi (or whoever it really was) sighed. "Well, the reason I'm so late is because I had to pick up the lab results from your bio-scan. I could have dropped by to get them on my way home last night, but Daiza had tickets for the symphony, and, well, you know how the ladies hate to be kept waiting..."

"Fine, fine, save it. What do the results _say?"_

"I dunno yet. Like I said, I just got 'em. Probably nothing all that useful." When they stopped in front of a large portal flanked by two dour-looking guards, the Luigi clone squinted at Mario again, stroking his mustache. "Funny... on any normal day, you'd be throttling me over this right now, or filling me in on how you plan to escape. Or at the very least griping that I didn't go along with your annoying galaxy-domination scheme way back when."

Mario shrugged. "Maybe I'm not the man you think I am."

The Luigi impostor laughed. "You mean like, you're a Leopardian who changes his spots? Please. Your little crackpot experiments and conquests are too important to you; I'd eat my tie if you ever gave them up. But hey, nobody's perfect."

Then they were inside and facing down the "magistrate", who turned out to be a rather large Cheepanese in long white robes. A reedy human man stood and said, "Hear ye, hear ye, we convene now to weigh the merits of the case of Federation versus Maru Marius. Attorney Ligu Marius will serve as defense council, Attorney Carlton Peezli as prosecution. Honorable Magistrate Bertha presiding."

"Your honor, if it please the court, I think there's little point in going on," Peezli told them. He was a tall, thin human with delicate bone structure; the only thing that intrigued Mario was that his skin held a faint green tint. "When you've seen so many news bulletins of what Public Enemy Number One looks like, you tend to be able to recognize him at a glance. The masses may have forgotten him in the intervening years, but we finally have the diabolical Dr. Marius in our clutches – he must pay for his crimes against all peoples in the Fungalactic Federation. Put this ahead to trial so our citizens can have justice."

"One moment," Ligu said, shuffling his papers. "I have here a statement from my bro- I mean, this man, that he is _not_ the infamous mad scientist of which you speak."

"I have a statement here that I'm a Shriekbat," the greenish man sneered. "But a police sketch program compared his face to that of Marius's mugshots and there are over a thousand points of recognition. It's him. He is he. End of discussion."

"I'm inclined to agree, council," drawled Magistrate Bertha, so disinterested in these proceedings that she was checking her cell phone for messages. "Can we move this along?"

"Wait!" Desperately, Ligu leafed through the lab results, and stopped. "See… see, this is interesting… wow."

"Feel like sharing, Marius?" asked Peezli.

"According to the lab results, although they have identical faces as you say… there are only a few strands of DNA that match. They're…" He looked up, surprised himself. "They're not even distantly related."

"Let me see that," Peezli growled as he grabbed a data pad and scrolled through his own digital copy; obviously this attorney was far better prepared than the scientist's brother. "Hmm, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera… _aHA! _…oh."

"In fact," Ligu said as he burned through the pages at blinding speed, "there is also evidence of trace materials found present on his skin, clothing and personal effects that have never been encountered before in all the known systems of our little corner of space."

"Which means?" the judge grunted tiredly.

"He's either been hiding in some tiny hole our exceptionally-thorough explorers have never found, or he's from… a _very _long way off." Then he went back to Mario's statement. "It does say here that this man claims he traveled here from another dimension."

"Hey, I didn't _claim_ that," Mario piped up. "Wendus and I just agreed it was a possible explanation, that's all. A weird one, but possible."

"The defendant will not speak out of turn," Bertha barked, and pressed a button – and an electrical charge shot through Mario that emanated from his seat. What kind of sadistic bastards designed these courtroom proceedings? "But let's assume for the moment he's _not _an evil genius and _not _a nutjob. What's our next step?"

"You must dismiss all charges," Ligu put in without a blink. "I mean, these DNA results are beyond conclusive; they're irrefutable."

"He's some kind of clone," Peezli yelped, incensed. "Even if he isn't the man we believed him to be, we cannot ignore their resemblance! At the very least, we must-"

"We must release him," Bertha grunted impatiently. "If the DNA says he isn't Marius then he isn't Marius, end of story. Even if the results were cleverly faked, with the evidence we have now he can't be held. However…"

"However?" Mario gulped.

She kept speaking as if Mario wasn't there. "However, he will be injected with a tracer. If the lab techs run further tests on the samples and figure out he _is _Marius, or if an investigation turns up that the initial results were tampered with, we'll haul him back in. Also, there is another matter." Her tone became more grave as she tapped her fingers on the bench. "If there is indeed an alternate reality, parallel universe, or time-travel scenario in play, he must be taken immediately to the Senate."

"What?" Ligu cried out, dropping the stack of papers he was about to shove into his battered briefcase. "B-but you just said that if he's not Marius than he is guilty of no crime!"

"This is a matter of galactic security, prosecutor. One handled by bigger heads than mine or the police. See, we have this little-known, long-standing law that anyone from an unfamiliar system who wanders into Federation territory should be given a chance to meet with the politicians and other fancypantses ay-sap so they can try to draft a peace treaty before there's any whiff of war breaking out. Not that we've had to enforce it in the past few hundred years. Take him to the Senate; they'll decide what's next for the poor human." The judge rang a little bell. "Defendant is remanded to the custody of the Federation Army for interrogation, and shall be released contingent upon his cooperation. I gotta use the can."

With this lackluster announcement, the magistrate rolled off her seat and disappeared through a back door. Peezli strode forward as he slipped his data pad back into its leather case and smirked. "Congrats, council. I believed this one sewn up before we even began. We still on for mixed doubles?"

"Just make sure Sue doesn't back down again this time because she's too scared of Daiza's backhand." Laughing, the prosecutor strolled out of the courtroom. "Well, whoever the heck you are… why didn't you tell me you weren't my brother?"

"You weren't in any mood to listen," Mario sighed. "But hey, sorry."

"Don't be. At least now I know why you weren't being a total prick." Ligu cleared his throat as he finished packing up his briefcase. "Another dimension, huh? Long trip."

He shrugged as they began walking toward the doors. "Didn't feel that long. I'm really evil in this version of the world, huh?"

"Rotten to the core. Mom always babied you, so you got used to having your way. A little _too _used to it. Was it the same with you and your version of me?"

"No way," Mario laughed. "Mom was always hounding both of us to be good little boys or we wouldn't get any _cannoli_ for dessert. Well, until we ended up in the Kingdom."

Ligu shifted uncomfortably. "Am I… dead in your reality?"

"Uh, _no?"_ Mario snapped with some alarm. "Why would you be?"

"Because Maru has tried to bump me off so many times it seems likely I didn't survive somewhere else. A guy can only get as lucky as me in _one_ space-time continuum."

"Ah."

Ligu looked left and right as he whispered before they reached the exit, "And don't sweat this big military thing. If they've already decided you're not the good doctor, then they'll ask some really weird questions and then send you on your merry way. Maybe even as soon as tomorrow. The worst is over. But hey, drop me an email if they decide to get a little rough, huh?"

"Thanks," Mario said as he was handed a transparent business card with a name and a barcode printed on it in glowing ink. "Say, why are you being so decent to me if another guy with my puss has tried to short-sheet your lifespan?"

"Eh, call it familial obligation. You're the brother I _could _have had. Good luck, pal."

-o-o-o-o-

The Fungalactic Senate was a foreboding, humongous building if ever he saw one. Much crazier than that were the streets of whatever city on Mushroombus Five he happened to be walking through – or were there even cities? When you had an entire galaxy of planets to live on, maybe the name of one of them was specific enough. Either way, metal gleamed everywhere, as if they had forgotten about plant life. Then again, he saw a huge transparent dome off in the distance that seemed to hold all manner of vegetation within it. Their version of Central Park, he assumed.

Within moments, he was taken to an interrogation room, though it wasn't as vile as he'd expect one on Earth to be. Soft recliners, coffee table books, a pitcher of water and a glass… and even though he noticed the tables and chairs were bolted to the floor and the pitcher and glass were actually made of flexible clear plastic, it was still posh for a place they used to grill prisoners.

"Bless my soul," the elderly man who entered breathed. He looked almost human, but instead of hair he had a large, bulbous head with brownish circles all over it. "You really do look just like him. Are we sure this isn't a clever ruse?"

"The scientists are behind their results a hundred percent," the squat, fur-covered man said in a low voice. A Leopardian, maybe? He certainly saw the spots in the fur.

"Very well." The old man sat down across from Mario while the other stayed standing. "Traveler from a distant land, eh? Let's hear it. How'd you get here?"

"Fell through a pipe," Mario began uncomfortably. "Not that it hasn't happened before; warps are pretty much everywhere in the dimension I came from… or world, or reality, or whatever. I'm no Einstein."

"Mmm. And you say this was by accident?" He glanced down at the data pad the other man – likely an assistant – was holding. "I also see you were found on Delfebes by a hunter. Interesting choice of somewhere to pop in, right in the midst of the Space Plumber fortress. Are you _sure _you're not this Marius character?"

"Same face, different brain. But my name is Mari-O, by the way, if anybody cares."

"And mine is Toadsworth."

Mario grinned, trying not to laugh when he noticed the pince-nez and put two-and-two together. "This is starting to sound more and more like an alternate reality situation. We've got a Toadsworth of our own. Tell me… is there any chance that Peach is nearby?"

"Peach?" A spark of recognition appeared behind his eyes, along with one of curiosity. "Would it be possible that you mean… Supreme Chancellor Peachpittine?"

"If she's the boss around here, it's almost guaranteed." He shifted, then poured himself a glass of water as an excuse to busy his trembling hands. Interrogations are never fun, no matter how genial the interrogator. "You think she'd be willing to meet with me? It'd be nice to see a familiar face."

"Familiar, you say? Just how familiar are you and she in your, er… _version _of reality?"

Mario blushed. "Hey, not THAT familiar! Just good friends. I swear!"

"Ah," he laughed when he realized how his question had sounded. "No, no, of course you are. Normally my answer would have to be a resounding 'no', but under the circumstances it may be for the best; I know meeting a wayward soul from another universe would be a top priority for her. Ever the diplomat! Also, I happen to know one of her appointments for this afternoon was cancelled, so she has an opening."

"Super! Well, I guess I'll be waiting."

"Yes, I should go and arrange that now before a new conflict arises." He stood, moved to the door, then paused. "Hmm… another Toadsworth…"

Then he was off, and Mario was left to cool his heels in the nice-but-Spartan accommodations.

-o-o-o-o-

"Now announcing the Supreme Chancellor, Leena Peachpittine!"

Mario stood immediately at the herald's thundering announcement, palms sweaty inside his gloves. This made him grateful that he was wearing gloves, as shaking the hand of a high-up figurehead would be even more awkward if it was a soggy handshake, too.

When the chancellor stepped around the corner, he felt his breath snag in his throat. She _was _Peach, but she was also more somehow. Not to belittle the princess he was more familiar with in any way, but this woman, while bearing the same face, the same eyes, height and stature, was so much more… _regal_. He found that funny, considering in this realm she wasn't actually royalty in the literal sense. But while Peach had always been a warmer, more outgoing princess, a woman of her people, Peachpittine was so obviously a dignitary that had to live a life apart from her citizens. Her white-blond hair was an elegant structure that he felt a strong breeze could turn to dust, all giant curls and turrets. Her face, on the other hand, only had the bare minimum as far as makeup goes; just enough eyeshadow and blush that she didn't look like she'd simply rolled out of bed. And while Mario guessed she was the same size in every other area, her voluminous official robes made that impossible to know.

"P-pleasure to make your acquaintance," he stammered as he bowed, but he raised his head again when he heard snickering.

"Rise." He obeyed in time to see a small, cherubic smile on her lips. "I'm not an evil dictator, just a politician. Sit, as will I."

They sat. The chancellor did not cross her legs, but sat with them pressed firmly together and her hands clasped in the center of her lap. It was somehow more dignified than if she had sat in any "ladylike" pose. "Very well, good sir, you have everyone's attention. Where is it you hail from?"

Would he have to keep repeating himself until he got out of this place? "Brooklyn, originally… but my current address is the Mushroom Kingdom. Where Princess Peach Toadstool reigns," he added.

Regal eyebrows knitted. "Princess, you say? How quaint. Our republic abolished all monarchies ages ago; they gave rise to some fairly undeserving rulers." Her head cocked to one side. "Toadsworth tells me you knew her intimately."

"Not _that_ intimately," he said again. "But yeah, we had become friends. See – and I hope you don't think I'm bragging or anything – I had become the resident hero to her people, and there's only so many times you can discuss the fate of a kingdom before you start having brunch together, too."

"Naturally. Do go on."

Mario did over the course of half an hour, condensing the more boring details but hitting all the important points about himself and Luigi, the castle, King Koopa's incessant threat. The chancellor listened raptly, hardly betraying any strong feelings about his story, or whether or not she even believed a single word of it. Then, when he was winding up and coming very close to asking if she was even awake, she nodded slightly.

"It sounds as if you've been through a great deal in your lifetime, Mario of Brooklyn. Truly, we cannot take your words at face value blindly, but I am _inclined_ to believe you, at the very least." She tapped her finger against her chin. "I've also received word just before meeting you that every single scan for your DNA, fingerprints and retinal scans have come up dry. You are a non-entity in our universe."

"Great. I'm a real Nowhere Man."

"Hmmh?"

"Brooklyn stuff, nevermind," he said quickly. "So… does that mean I have to stay cooped up in the castle- I mean, senate building?"

"Of course not," she tittered. "But we also cannot remove the tracer you already have. It's a precaution we'd be foolish to forego. On the other hand…" She motioned the squat Leopardian man forward and took a small box from him, which she then handed over. "We'll start you off with a small something."

"Great, an early Christmas gift. And I didn't get you anything!"

Peachpittine's eyebrows knitted as he examined the box, but then her expression clarified. "For the sake of expediency, I'm going to assume that's a Brooklyn and-or Mushroom Kingdom holy day and put it from my mind. No, these would be some temporary documents that declare you a citizen of the Fungalactic Federation. While they will grant you some low-level access and freedoms, they do not hold the full weight of an official pink card."

"Pink?" It certainly was pink, and almost as clear as the business card Luigi – or Ligu – had given him. "Huh, go figure."

"Also, they expire in two months, and validity can be revoked by the government at any time." She shrugged apologetically. "We might turn up new evidence proving that you're the genuine Dr. Marius as soon as tomorrow, mightn't we? I don't truly believe that will happen, but one can never be too careful."

"No, one can't. Thanks anyway, I guess."

"There's also been ten thousand credits deposited into your Bank of Fungalactia account, with restrictions set that they can only be used for the essentials; food, transportation, living quarters… clothes."

This last comment made Mario's face go red. "I'm not really dressed for the locale, am I? Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Now… leave us." Mario started to rise, and she chuckled, "Forgive the confusion; I was actually speaking to Toadsworth and Raul. I wish for a few private words with you."

Mario found himself without even a rudimentary idea of what was going on while the room emptied. Once they had been alone for a moment or two, Peachpittine strode to a blank wall and manipulated a control he hadn't noticed, which turned a section of the wall clear. After a few moments, he got up the nerve to join her in front of this panel.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" she breathed as they watched hundreds of people walk through the gleaming streets, saw tiny short-range transports fly overhead, watched children playing a game with some sort of hovering sphere near a fountain that depicted a human, a Koopan, a mushroom-like woman (Fungish?), a Cheepanese and a Leopardian all holding the same jar that "magically" produced an endless flow of water. "Fungitropolis, my home and my first love. I actually grew up on 'Roombus Seven, you know; didn't even see this city in person until I was elected to a senate seat. But even as a small girl seeing it in video files, I always thought it was simply astonishing."

"Yeah," he agreed honestly. "It's pretty pretty."

Her nose crinkled. "That too. But I meant its citizenry, what it represents. A technological forerunner of all other planets; a philosophical melting pot and nexus of commerce. It's everything the rest of our galaxy should be, and I one day hope to bring all of Rosetta up to its standards. If this…" She paused and started again. "If this princess of yours truly is a doppelganger of myself, tell me… does she love her kingdom as I love my federation?"

"Like it was her own kid," Mario told her with a grin. "I mean, most of the politicians from my homeworld are just dirty crooks with hidden agendas, but Peach… she's authentic. She really wants to do right by the 'shrooms she rules over, and most of the time she does."

"Splendid." She turned and looked directly into his eyes, and he fought the urge to look away out of modesty and respect. "It's strange… half the time, I doubt everything you tell me, it's so fantastical and far-fetched, but… in you, I also sense this unquantifiable camaraderie. Not because of Dr. Marius's picture in news broadcasts, but just… it's as if I truly do know you through the other me somehow, even though this is only the first time I've met you. Isn't that utter nonsense?"

"Maybe. Not like I got a clue how any of this can be happening, either."

At that, she nodded. When her hand reached out and touched his chest briefly, only as light as a downy feather landing on it would be, he tensed, but then she withdrew it and turned to the window. "You are free to go. The guards will point you toward the exit. If you should wish to visit again I cannot guarantee you will be admitted, but I'll see to it it's more likely than it would be for most of the populace. Do keep us up to date if you find out anything more concrete about your trip through a wormhole."

"That's my goal. I was told Gaddologic Space Labs might have some answers?"

Another nod. "Yes, I've met their director; brilliant man, if a touch eccentric. I'll send word along to expect you."

"Thanks." They both stood in silence for a few seconds before Mario gave a fumbling bow and turned to leave. He had just reached the door when he heard her clear her throat. "Hmm?"

"I…" Another long pause. "It was an honor meeting such a valiant hero from another universe, Mario of Brooklyn. I hope this parting is not final."

"Likewise, Chancellor."

At that she turned hurriedly, hand at her chest. "Call me Leena. It-" Then she seemed to recover and angled her face back in the direction of her window. "Well, if you were on a first-name basis with my counterpart, it's only practical."

"Leena, then," he said, trying not to blush at such an elegant creature giving him permission to address her like a friend. It was a welcome change from being ordered to address Officer Oran with as little familiarity as possible. "See you around."

"I intend to."

Those parting words were somehow more ominous than warming, but when she didn't elaborate Mario quickly ducked out of the room and hurried away.

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: Workin it, workin it. Trying to eat coal and crap diamonds, yknow? Thanks for the review <span>phanthom theif kid<span>! After this comes Mario's struggle to get home...


	4. Gust in the Wind

- Chapter 4: Gust in the Wind -

"_Nine thousand credits?_ That's outrageous!"

The Koopan woman in the glasses drummed her claws on the countertop. "That's how much a same-day-purchase round-trip ticket to Gaddologic Space Labs is. Not how much I want it to be, not how much I'm charging 'cause you're a puny human… _that is the price._ Get me?"

"But… nine thousand would pretty much be all my money."

"Not my problem. Now if you're not booking a flight, could you move aside so I can help the next customer in line, please?"

Mario turned away from the desk, thoroughly disgusted. It had been generous of the princess – sorry, _supreme chancellor _– to provide him with any money at all, but how did she expect this to pay for his living expenses if he couldn't even get anywhere with it?

"_Psst!"_

Mario automatically reached for his tool belt to fix a leaky pipe, but then realized the noise was actually coming from a shady looking character in a chrome-plated trenchcoat. "Yeah?"

"You wanna get off this marble, right?" Mario nodded. "But you're low on fundage, right?"

"Exactly. You, uh… think you might help a guy out?"

"Who, me? I ain't got a cred to my name. But for a small fee, I might have some ideas…"

Mario gritted his teeth. "How much of a small fee are we talking about, here?"

"Fifty credits. Just wanna get somethin' to eat, pack of piranha-leaf cigars, you know how it is."

The man took out a small device that looked like a portable credit-card reader, which Mario suddenly realized was probably what it was. He watched carefully as the man thumbed the digital readout until it said C50… then seemingly-accidentally brushed the zero again. "One swipe and you'll get your info."

"Take that last zero back off and we've got a deal, slick."

Momentarily, the shy guy (was he a Shyguy under the fedora?) froze, but then he nodded and corrected the amount. "Can't blame me, can ya?" Mario swiped, the readout registered that C50 had been deducted from his account, then hurriedly stashed the contraption. "Okay. Go to Ricco Spaceport."

"Yeah?"

He stared blankly, face hidden in shadow. "What? You expected more for a lousy fifty creds?"

"Thanks a bunch, you bum," Mario grumbled as he turned to walk away.

"Okay, wait, wait," the man sighed wearily. "Go to the docks and look for a big ugly tub called the Epoch XI. Don't ask me what happened to the first ten of 'em. Anyway…" His voice lowered. "Talk to a huge Leopardian guy named Beastor."

"You're kidding. _Beastor?"_

"Yeah, I know – and trust me, it suits him. Anyway, if he's still a deckhand, and if it hasn't left port already, I bet he can get you a seat in the cargo hold for less than a third of what that spikeback cashier would have charged you."

Even as he committed the details to memory, Mario couldn't stave off the itchy feeling that "spikeback" was not a term used in polite conversation, but without anything to go on he decided not to assume the worst and cause any scene over it – not when he was already on shaky legal ground to begin with. "Great. Beastor on the Epoch XI at Ricco Spaceport, got it."

"Even if he's not there, ask around; might be somebody else heading out that way willing to take you on." He gripped the brim of his hat between thumb and forefinger but didn't quite tip it. "Luck to ya."

"Thanks." But as Mario stomped off toward the harbor, he somehow didn't feel too passionately that he was about to meet with any success.

And he was right. One quick walk around the docks told him that either Epoch XI was no longer there or had never existed in the first place. Had he been ripped off? On top of that, every crew member or captain he asked said they either didn't take on passengers, didn't have room for any, or weren't heading in the direction of GSL. Mario was plodding off toward downtown, very close to booking a hotel room and trying his luck in the morning, when he ran headlong into a wall of metal.

"OW!"

"Watch where you're plodding, tenderfoot."

Now sporting a bruised backside, Mario pushed to his feet, but almost fell again when he noticed who he'd run into. "Wend- I mean, uh, Miss Oran!"

"I guess you got off free and clear," Wendus told him through her identity-obscuring helmet. "Congrats."

"Yeah, obviously I've got some guardian angels with clout." He brushed the seat of his pants off and flashed her a smile. "So what brings you to the harbor?"

She put her hands on her hips, as if annoyed that she was having this conversation but unable to find a ready way to end it prematurely. "Oh, the man I had to see about an engine got himself deported back to Lylat; too many unregistered shipments from what I gather. Been asking around for the parts I need, but most of the merchants here want at least double what ol' Slippy would have charged..."

"I take it you'll be disembarking pretty soon, then? Whereabouts?"

"Funny enough, I think I'll try Gaddologic; they have a top notch garage, and one of the guys there owes me a few favors. Also, I've got a huge bounty burning a hole in my pocket after taking down Mother Drain and for once I can actually afford the best." Then she caught the contemplative look on Mario's face and said, "What? You think that's irresponsible? Well Screw Attack you, okay? If you knew how often I've lived with third- and fourth-rate parts that I repeatedly had to weld back together on my own time-"

"No, no, that's not it at all," Mario said hurriedly. "Just... well, now that your fine justice system has decided not to draw-and-quarter me, I've been thinking about going there myself – to see what they might do about stuffing me into a 'return to sender' box. Only problem is, travel arrangements are expensive, and Supreme Chancellor Peach barely gave me enough to eat."

"The _supreme chancellor _gave it to you? In person? And she lets you call her 'Peach'?" Then Wendus folded her arms. "Wait a minute. I have a sneaking suspicion you're about to ask me something that's gonna piss me off."

"Well..."

"No way, mammal," she growled. "I've already had enough of your 'company' aboard my gunship and I'm not about to repeat that mistake again!"

Mario clasped his hands in front of his chest. "Come on, have a heart, O Mighty Space Hunter! I just need a lift there; I don't even care if you stick around for a return trip or not so long as I'm somewhere I can get answers! I'll be in your debt forever!"

A long, _looong_ pause. "No you won't, because I'm charging you three thousand credits."

"Huh?"

"Three thousand credits, take it or leave it!" she snapped. "Personally, I'd rather have the peace and quiet than the money."

Mario remembered what the sleazy guy in had told him about getting on board a freighter for a third of Shiitake Sky's nine-K price tag. It wasn't so bad an offer, and he'd rather travel with someone he knew – even if it was someone who'd as soon blast him to smithereens as shake his hand. "Deal. You can have it right now, up front."

Wendus sighed, held out her non-cannon arm and did something that made a panel flip open. A tiny display flashed some map coordinates and other screens before it settled on one that said "TRANSACTION" across the top with the C3000 underneath. "Swipe, little man."

Mario did, watching nearly a third of his Fungalactic worth be whisked away. "There, done."

"I'm taking off from Ricco Pad 27B in four hours. _Four hours,_ on the dot; if you're late then you're out three grand and it's no skin off my tail."

"Got it. Thanks again, I really apprecia-"

"Oh, will you shut up? Gah, what am I doing? I'm a _hunter, _not a stewardess..."

And then she stomped away, leaving him to figure out what to do with himself for four hours. First, he consulted a directory and made sure he was reasonably sure where to find Pad 27B when the time came. Then he sought out an email terminal...

-o-o-o-o-

"Oh, that was delicious!" Mario said, leaning back and patting his stomach. "Not quite Little Italy, but a fine meal if ever there was one!"

Ligu grinned across the table at him, pointing at him with a spork. "Thought you'd like it. Somehow, I knew the exact opposite of whatever Maru would have ordered was a good bet for you."

"I just can't get over how alike you two look," Daiza whispered. "A dead ringer." As Mario had predicted, she was this world's answer to Princess Daisy, but unlike her more demure counterpart she wore glasses and futuristic business-casual garb, and her brown hair was cropped into a sporty, hassle-free look. Over the course of dinner (make that five courses), he'd gleaned that she was a legal aid from a private firm and that she and Ligu had met over some power lunch or other. The rest, as they say, was history.

"Tell me something I don't already know," Mario laughed.

"So have you thought about what you'll be doing if the brain trust can't bounce you back to your reality?" Ligu asked. "I mean, the Federation's a huge place; some people take an entire lifetime to find their niche in it."

Mario grimaced. "I could always play the evil Dr. Marius in the movie version of Wendus Oran's adventures, I suppose. Other than that, I'm kind of betting all my chips on the brain trust."

"Maybe," Daiza began with a sly smile, "you could finagle your way into doing some kind of work for Peachpittine. Sounds to me like she took quite a shine to you."

"B-buffalo chips," Mario muttered, feeling his nose redden. "She just felt sorry for me, that's all – but I dunno about sorry enough to give me a job!"

They all laughed, and then Ligu wiped his mouth on a napkin and said, "Okay, we'll have to take your word for it. But hey, if everything else falls through I might be able to pull some strings at the Attorney General. We've got some office assistants and mail cart pushers who slack off a lot, and with a little sucking up to the boss... hey, I know it's no glamorous gig, but-"

"No, no, I appreciate it," Mario said quickly. "I mean, let's hope I don't need it because I'm safely back in my own dimension, but it's really awesome of you to offer. And you're talking to a plumber; I'm used to not-so-glamorous gigs."

Soon after, they parted ways. Mario watched them go, arm in arm, and privately thought that he might try needling Luigi into asking Daisy out when he got back. If it worked in one dimension, why not in another? Chuckling to himself, he strode off to the shopping district to pick up a few necessities for his upcoming adventure. Where to begin?

-o-o-o-o-

"There you are," Wendus Oran called out when she saw the man jogging to meet up with her. "You've only got about two minutes to spare, you know that?"

"Sorry!" Mario huffed. "Sorry, sorry... got lost somehow, I thought I was doing so well but then... then I saw I was at _57B_ instead of 27B, and I couldn't grab an elevator to save my-"

"Enough. Just... get in there. And where did you find so much luggage? I thought you weren't from around here."

He glanced at the bags in either hand and backward at his rucksack. "Oh, things I needed. Ready for takeoff?"

"Waiting on your sorry human butt. Let's hit the vapor trails."

It only took a few minutes for Mario to stow his new belongings in the only other quarters the gunship had, which were even smaller than Wendus's already-cramped bunk. It was a far cry from a luxury cruise liner. The captain stayed at the controls for a long while, radioing various checkpoints for clearance and setting course corrections until they were out beyond the Mushroombus System. Then she started to head for her room when she paused in the hallway.

"Uh... excuse me, but what have you done to my mess hall?"

"Oh, there you are," Mario said genially as he stirred the pot in front of him. "Just thought I'd learn my way around this kitchen of yours. Once I realized half of these components are voice-activated, it was a piece of cake."

"PIECE OF CAKE," the replicator buzzed.

"Cancel!" he yelped, and it beeped and stopped glowing. "Yeah, I've had to get used to that, too."

"What is all this?" Wendus repeated as she took off her helmet, gazing at all the plates on the small fold-out table. "Spaghetti, garlic bread, antipasto salad – where did you even find sun-dried tomatoes?"

"At a sun-dried tomato stand in Kirby's Organic Market. They're to die for, eh?"

The space hunter seated herself, a skeptical look on her face. "Look, I hope you don't expect me to give you a refund or anything just because of one hot meal."

Nodding, he told her, "Don't worry. I know you didn't even want me here in the first place, and that money or no money you let me tag along 'cause you felt sorry for me. So sue me for trying to show a little appreciation to my host."

There was a stretch of quiet while Mario kept stirring the spaghetti sauce. Then, just as he was ladling it onto their plates of noodles, she said softly, "You worry me."

"How do I do that?"

"You're _nice._ Nobody in my universe is this nice, not without an ulterior motive lurking behind the meatballs."

Mario shrugged. "Guess my momma raised me better than that. Now, unless you have a vintage wine lurking somewhere under the dilithium crystals to go with this, let's dig in."

The two ate their meal in silence. Mario started to say something at least five different times, then thought better of it; at least Wendus wasn't biting his head off, which meant pushing for real conversation would have been recklessly optimistic.

When they had finished, Wendus let out a satisfied belch and thumped her chest. "Whoo."

"Nice one," Mario laughed. To his surprise, she grinned.

"Oh? You don't feel up to reprimanding me for my unladylike conduct?"

"I feel like keeping my family jewels in the safe where they belong." She was standing with her plate though, so he hurriedly said, "No, it's okay, I'll get it."

"The Helios you will; you cooked, I should clean up."

"That's really not necess-"

"It's my ship," she told him sternly. "What I say goes, and I say whoever cooked is exempt from clean-up. One side."

Mario watched idly as she piled all the dishes into the sink, then removed her armored gauntlets and began washing them with precise, efficient movements that put another puzzle piece where it belonged. "KP duty."

"Hmm?"

"You've served in the military, haven't you?" When she looked up sharply, brow knitted, he pointed at the sink. "My grandfather always washed dishes like that. He was Army. Lost a leg, but always got the baked-on grime off the pans."

Wendus nodded, satisfied that he was merely observant, not telepathic. "Federation Police; it's more or less a military operation. I was always being stuck in the dishroom because I'd smart off to my superior officers – or show them up in training exercises. I learned very early how to get in and out of there as fast as possible."

Mario leaned against the wall. "How's this story go? I'm seeing a young Miss Oran who's top of her class, decorated with honors, and is always asked to take point in sting operations."

"Yep, yep, and yep."

"But then something happened." Mario tried not to feel nervous because he was about to make a guess that could prompt her to beat him senseless. "Somebody got hurt, or one of the higher-ups made a call you didn't think was okay. They discharged you, or you left… and either way you gave them the finger on the way out."

Wendus paused in her cleaning, just staring into the murky water. Then her hands began moving again as she said in a low voice, "What makes you think it went down that way? Couldn't I have simply served my time and decided there's more money in hunting?"

"Because you saved my life on that planet. Which means your outlook on life is probably close to what mine is, and if I were signed up for some armed forces unit I wouldn't quit unless it became a gig that I didn't believe in anymore. Call it a hunch."

With that, she pulled the drain plug and began rinsing the dishes. "Okay, maybe you're right. What difference does it make to you, anyway? You think we can become best pals and you'll heal all my boo-boos? Too late and too little, little plumber boy."

Mario's eyebrow went up. "You do realize I'm probably older than you."

"I don't want any friends," she told him frankly, with a cold, even gaze that betrayed no emotions. "I don't even want comrades-in-arms or distant acquaintances anymore. The best I can afford to maintain is having a few business contacts. Caring about people only sets you up for a big disappointment when you lose them, they turn on you, or they turn out to be someone completely different than you believed they were. So what's the Bob-ombdamn point?"

Mario felt his heart freezing. He'd never heard anybody sound so bereft of love in his life – and he grew up in the Big Apple. At the same time he knew she was a good person, because she gave enough of a crap to help him escape the self-destructing rock he came in on. "Wendy…"

"Call me that _one more time."_ She didn't even bother picking up her gauntlets; she just adopted a martial-arts stance, and her claws slipped out of her fingertips. "Go on."

But Mario folded his arms. "No, Wendus. I'm done backing down."

She flinched; he saw it. It wouldn't have meant anything if they were really attacking each other; even after flinching, he was willing to bet she'd have him decapitated in under five seconds. But in this arena, in a discussion-slash-argument, it showed her vulnerability. Directly afterward, impossibly, she smiled.

"Congratulations, plumber; you just graduated to distant acquaintance. Don't make me regret it."

"Eh?"

Then she shrugged and went back to drying the dishes and putting them away. "Most people, whether or not they're aware of my spotless bounty record or can read Koop-Fu stances, would have the good sense to back down when I'm preparing a killing strike. But you're just too damn stupid to let that stop you, so… well, I have to give you points for stubbornness. It's one of my favorite qualities."

Mario laughed. "You weren't really gonna kill me, were you?"

"Hmm…" She bared her fangs as she turned and grinned at him. "Guess we'll never know now."

-o-o-o-o-

"Welcome, welcome! Oh, do come right in, I'm so excited to begin!"

There wasn't a single thing in the room Mario could readily identify. Odd substances moved on their own in beakers, strange plant life hung from the ceiling, cages held odd monsters that would have terrified even the most well-traveled Earthling. He waved at one that looked like a strange mix between a chimpanzee and a salamander, and to his amazement it waved back.

"I see you're already developing a camaraderie with the etakongs," the tiny old man with inch-thick glasses said from over his shoulder. "They don't get along with strangers on the whole, but Diddy here seems to have no problem with you and Miss Oran. Fascinating."

"Yes," Wendus sneered. The creature blinked its black eyes at her, and she cleared her throat and turned away from it. "Anyway, I've come to drop off this… plumber for you to dissect."

"Professor Edwin Gadd," the man said in a reedy voice, extending his hand for Mario to shake. When they had, he rested his fists in the small of his back and asked, "And who might you be?"

"Mario of Brooklyn," he said, following Peachpittine's lead.

"Another world, my my my… fascinating. All of my research into inter-dimensional travel has been at a standstill since my last five test subjects have vanished without trace. Can't keep blowing perfectly good money on unmanned probes and Fungish explorers!"

"Really, Professor!" Wendus hissed. "Show some remorse!"

"Bah," he grunted, waving her sentiment aside. "They signed all the release forms and their families were well-compensated; it's not as if I pulled any wool over their eyes. Still, I wish at least one of them had been able to send a message back…"

"So," Mario said nervously as he contemplated his own fate in this nutbar's hands, "what, uh, seems to be the problem, anyhow?"

Gadd paused, tilting his egg-head. "Hmm, how to explain. Let's see… say you have a package you're sending, but you don't know who's supposed to get it or where they live. Already, you can see the problem. Then imagine you stuff it into a cannon and launch it into space, _hoping _it arrives where it's supposed to go. The chances of it coming back are about as low as the chances of it reaching its unspecified destination."

"Oh."

"But _you _may be the key!" he crowed. "Not to unraveling the mystery in total, but perhaps, with your help, I may at least be able to find _your _dimension among the slivers of parallel continuums occupying the same space as ours!"

Wendus folded her arms. "Let me see if I follow: you think having Mario here will help you… what, lock on to one of the dimensions?"

"Precisely!" At that, he could no longer stand still and began to shuffle around his lab, picking up clipboards and tapping things into data terminals. "I postulate that the presence of any matter from a specific non-Fungalactic dimension, no matter living or dead, may aid me in pinpointing the exact variances in spectrum- right, my apologies… non-scientific minds. Yes, I might be able to 'lock on' to his homeworld. IF."

"If?" Mario and Wendus asked in urgent unison.

"If I can figure out what's different about theirs… something unique." Gadd paused with his hand close to what looked like a souped-up vacuum cleaner. "Mr. Brooklyn, do you have anything on your person you would say is unique to this land of yours? A plant specimen, or a soil sample? I know it's a ridiculous notion that you would, but if-"

"It's called a Fire Flower," Mario said as he held it out, and the scientist took it with gentle hands. "If you use it just right, you can launch fireballs with it. Pretty sure there's nothing like it anywhere else in the whole wide multiverse."

"Inconceivable," Gadd breathed. Quickly, he placed it on a glass tray and lowered a glass dome over the cutting. "Since it has been picked, I assume it no longer needs oxygen?"

"You assume right."

He nodded. "Very well. And I received the email from Supreme Chancellor Peachpittine containing your bio-scan results, also. I'll be reviewing those in great detail."

"Allright, you're the doc, Doc. Just don't forget that I'm not from the same dimension."

At that, Gadd paused and stared at him. "Come again? You say… this is _not _your first trip into a strange new world? I must have missed that when I skimmed your statement." Gadd tapped his chin, clearly unsettled. "This may present a problem… but at least I am aware of it now."

"I'm not sure I get what the big deal is," Wendus said. "You have the native vegetation. Isn't that good enough?"

"Well, I was hoping to find a common element between Mr. Brooklyn's physiology and the cellular makeup of the plant. Now, however, we can all be reasonably sure there won't be one. Better to learn this now than _after_ I've wasted hours of research trying to pinpoint something that most assuredly is not there at all!"

"Here," Mario said, digging through his pocket. "Oh crap, where is… aha!" He pulled out a gold coin and handed it to the professor. "This was minted in the Mushroom Kingdom. Might not help you much, but it's all I've got. At least you'll have two things from the same dimension to poke and prod."

E. Gadd squinted at the coin, then nodded slowly. "Hmm… yes. The going theory is that most precious metals across all dimensions are the same, but perhaps this will be the hour I disprove it, thereby earning myself a Morel Peace Award. Or should I say, _another _Morel Peace Award," he added with false modesty.

Wendus nodded slowly. "Riiight. Well, I'll leave you two to debate unified field theories and go talk to Clash about my ship – unless there's anything else?"

"Not so fast," Gadd wheezed up at her. "You can take him with you; I'll not be needing any further scans."

"Say that again," she dared him.

"Mr. Brooklyn. Which reality do you wish to return to? The one from whence you came a few days ago, or your place of birth?"

"The one from a few days ago," Mario answered immediately. "Lots of unfinished business there… besides, can't leave my brother stranded in the Mushroom Kingdom by himself!"

Gadd nodded sagely. "Very well, very well. Then there's little point keeping him cooped up here when the flower and coin will give me what I need truly be working on. He's all yours, Space Hunter."

Mario shrugged at her. Luckily, her expression was indiscernible through the visor, as he was fairly certain it would be one to make his stomach do a flip-flop. A long moment passed before she hissed, "Fine. He can tag along until I reach my next port. There he can get a job and buy his _own _gunship if he wants to keep gallivanting around the galaxy."

"Splendiferous," Gadd said with a pleased nod of his oval-shaped cranium. "Now then, shoo, out you go, yaboyabo; I'm anxious to commence with the testing!"

"You go on ahead," Mario told Wendus, who visibly bristled at being ordered around – and they both bristled at the "yaboyabo" which meant absolutely nothing to their ears. "I've got one last question for Professor Gadd." She stared in wonder for a moment, then turned on her heel and strode for the door as she overheard him ask, "So Professor, I've been thinking; I've got some credits lying around, and if I'm gonna be…"

Then she was out in the hall with the hatch swooshing shut behind her. Shaking her helmeted head, she made for the shipyard sector of the orbiting station before anything else could happen to further exacerbate her already-irritated disposition.

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: I see there's a few people out there adding me to their watch lists, which tells me I've got your interest piqued but haven't won you over quite yet. I'll keep working at it until I'm on Favorite Story lists across the globe! See you soon, when we get into the REAL action!<p> 


	5. Frigate About It

- Chapter 5: Frigate About It -

"You sure this is the best you got?"

Ted Clash pushed his sunglasses further up his nose, frowning. "Now, look here, Oran. We all got standards, but I'm tellin' ya, I don't have hyperbolic reverb coils in stock. Not made of rigidium – it's getting harder and harder to procure these days. I got the crappy diamond ones but they shatter if you push 'em past their limits, which'd leave you limping along on impulse until you can get 'em replaced. And it's pretty common knowledge how often you push engines past their limits."

Wendus gritted her teeth as she turned the thermonuclear fusion pods over in her hands, eyeing them with disdain. "Dark matter. What about dark matter?"

"Dark ma- WHAT?" The piranha-leaf cigarette fell from Clash's mouth. "Are you nucking futs? Dark matter in a G-class? Anything smaller than a commercial vehicle would tear itself apart trying to process the raw power – and even then, it'd be a waste because you'd have to put so many limiters on it to keep it from going nova!"

"My ship can handle it," Wendus told him seriously. "You know it's top of the line."

"It _could_ handle a tiny shard," he admitted grudgingly. "But it would still be a waste, and highly unstable. Don't set yourself up for failure before you even leave the station, Wendus."

"Fine, be a coward. Then can you at least rig up that afterburner we talked about? I could use the assist on some… rare occasions."

Clash ran a hand through his spiky gray hair. "You know, it doesn't count as 'occasional' when you mean 'pretty much every other day'. But yeah, I've been tinkering with some specs – here, come take a look."

The two spent nearly half an hour bent over his tabletop viewscreen, tweaking this and that and alternately whispering excitedly and shouting. When all was said and done, they leaned back, Wendus folding her arms and Clash lighting another smoke.

"The standard propulsion pods I can install in ten seconds," he told her. "As far as your new afterburner, it'll take the automator maybe two hours to condense and cast the individual parts, and by the time that's done I'll have input these new specs so it can custom-build the final product. But don't forget-"

"I know, I know," she sighed. "You never drop anything into a ship untested. So four or five hours?"

A quick shrug. "Thereabouts."

"Great. See you then. I owe you, Ted."

"You bet your ass you do – and I mean more than just my fifty-thou fee for parts and labor. Got any big plans for your firstborn?"

Wendus shook her head and left the man to his work. "Bet Slippy could have dug up some rigidium coils," she muttered under her breath. "And for a quarter of that, maybe even less. There goes that entire bounty up in smoke…"

-o-o-o-o-

Without anything else to do while the man was puttering under the hood of her precious gunship, and being that there were only so many hours one could squander getting lunch from the station cafeteria, the Space Hunter eventually made for Gadd's lab. The ungrateful plumber had never shown up in the garage, which could mean he got lost again but could also mean Gadd decided to run some further tests after all. She'd like to know if there was no longer any reason for her to linger once her ship was operational again.

"Professor?" she asked while stepping through the door. "I was wondering if you'd seen… what… what in the name of Shigeru-!"

"Ah," the professor said with a small smile. "I'm glad you decided to join us, really, I value your opinion. What do you think?"

Wendus slowly paced around the bizarre replica of her Power-Up Suit standing in the middle of the room. It was nearly identical, save that most of the areas that would have been yellow on her own suit were now blue. "What do I think? I think you have some major explaining to do, Gadd. How long were you planning on stealing the designs to my suit?"

"Since I laid eyes on it." When she didn't respond, he shrugged and said, "So sue me. It's a one-of-a-kind piece of lost Yozo technology; I'd be remiss to pretend I'd never glimpsed such a treasure."

"But you know how powerful the suit is," she whispered. "And that the only reason I can handle it is because I've got their DNA cocktail swimming through my veins. Any ordinary-"

"Not to worry," he said, waving her cares aside as if they were annoying gnats. "I'm fully prepared for all eventualities and have been putting it through its paces – without using live subjects, of course. This just happens to be the first _manned_ test drive now that I'm reasonably satisfied it is safe for use with non-advanced beings such as ourselves. And Mr. Brooklyn, here, of course."

At that, Wendus pushed her helmet up and gaped, incensed. "No way. No way did you stick that plumber in a state-of-the-art symbiotic _weapon._ That's crazy! He's not even a real citizen of the Federation, how can you trust him?"

"Thanks a heap," Mario told her through the opaque helmet. "I love you, too."

"He just happens to fit the prototype, that's all," Gadd elaborated as he walked around his pride and joy, scanning it with an odd device that looked like a small clearish brick with a smaller screen and a few simple buttons. "I had to let out the waistline an inch or so, but beyond that it slid over him like a glove. Besides, if Peachpittine vouches for his character, that's good enough for this old scientist."

"It's really an exact replica of mine?" she asked, staring with some trepidation at the hefty weapon attached to his right arm.

"Yes," Gadd coughed. "Well, I can see your concern. For the moment, I have disabled most of the arm cannon's functions; he has only a weak stun blast left open to him. I'll transmit the password to your readout so you can release the safety restriction should he ever need its full lethal capability."

"Why?" she asked as she watched "ALL-STAR" flash across her visor, then pushed the helmet up again. "What do I need with it?"

"When I say 'test drive', I mean 'field test'. Take him with you on your next assignment."

"NO." She said it that quickly, without stopping to consider or choose her words more carefully. In her mind, the matter required no deliberation.

"Oh, come on."

"I said 'no', didn't I? Do you need inner-ear reconstructive surgery?" When he only stared calmly back, she bristled and growled, "He's a pain in the ass and I don't like him. Beyond that, he has no Space Hunter certification; if the union ever caught wind that he was assisting me, he'd probably get arrested, and I'd be slapped with a hefty fine for employing non-union aid. And we both know it takes _weeks_for anyone to be cleared for a hunting license, and that's if they're an actual Federation citizen. So when I say 'no', I mean 'it's a ludicrous notion'. So NO."

Gadd sighed, gaze pointing toward the floor. "Dead set against it, eh? How unfortunate; you have no scientific spirit. What if I told you I'd be willing to foot your bill with Dr. Clash?"

Wendus hesitated. That was a lot of money; an entire bounty worth of credits. If she was lucky, she'd get two or three jobs in the following week that would pay the amount he was offering. On the other hand, she didn't really want the annoying otherworlder hanging around and cramping her style. He was such a pest! Still… it wasn't all that much inconvenience for the compensation.

"Just to be clear; he comes along on _one __mission __and __only __one, _doesn't get in my way too much and tries out his little suit, and then my obligation is complete. That's how this is gonna work, right?"

"Of course, of course." Then he pointed to a small unit directly in the center of Mario's chest that was shaped vaguely like a star. "This will monitor his vitals and the suit's performance and store the data for me to peruse at my leisure. It will also send me a burst transmission of its current collection twice per day, given that there's no signal interference at the time."

"Righteous," Wendus told him flatly. Then she turned to Mario, curled her lip, and shoved her helmet back onto her head. "Fine. Come on, let's get started now; I wanna go check on how my upgrades are going. And also to confirm with Clash that you're paying him."

Gadd's face drooped. "I'm affronted that my word isn't good enough. But…" He heaved a put-upon sigh as he caught a data pad another Leopardian scientist had half-thrown at him. "Such is the way of the Space Hunter, I suppose; you handle enough crooks and scallywags, eventually you stop trusting everyone altogether."

It seemed the two non-scientists had been dismissed. As they stomped off toward the garage, Wendus snapped, "You really have made a spectacular mess out of my life, haven't you, little man?"

"Sorry," Mario whispered as he struggled to keep pace with her lengthy strides. "I just asked him if he had a spare suit I could borrow if I'm going to be jumping around in space all the time, and suddenly he's turning me into your tin-plated twin. Feels like I should be running Stark Industries."

"Of all the – you really don't care what you signed up for, do you? Maybe your memory's a little rusty, but the last mission I was on involved _an __exploding __underground __base._ This sounds run-of-the-mill to you, a great way to pass the time?"

"Hey." Mario had stopped, and curious, Wendus stopped as well. "Let's get one thing straight here, lady. Danger doesn't really chap me like it used to when I was just a schmoe who fixed leaky faucets and ate too many pepperoni-and-black-olive slices of Ray's. Maybe you had to beat feet out of exploding bases, but try hopping aboard a moving Doom Ship and facing down hordes of Rocky Wrenches with nothing but a leaf to keep you company."

"Leaf?"

"Super Leaf. It turns me into Raccoon Mario."

Wendus slapped a hand to her forehead in frustration. "Tell me you're making some of this up."

"All true. I'm thinking about putting out an autobiography entitled 'Would I Make This Up?' Gonna be a best-seller."

"Okay. Okay, fine, you think you're a seasoned veteran and I won't try to argue. We'll see how you fare when the pressure's on." They started walking again. "In the meantime, don't embarrass me in front of Dr. Clash. He's a galaxy-renowned mechanic and an old friend of mine, and I don't want him to think I pal around with annoying plumbers like you."

"Careful, Wendus; a guy could start thinking you don't like him."

They were still on their way when a low beep started sounding in both helmets. "What the…?"

"So you hear that, too? Good; I was afraid I contracted some kind of Martian madness."

"It's a distress call," Wendus told him as she quickened her pace. "And it's from… wait, this can't be right. It's from the Space Plumbers."

"Who? Oh, right; those guys who dress like me but are a disgrace to the profession. What's eating them now? Out of Drano?"

"One of their frigates is being attacked. Geez, they must be desperate if they're sending this out on all frequencies." She punched some buttons on her arm cannon, which apparently navigated controls for her readout. Mario glanced at his and decided it would probably take him a ton of remedial classes to even begin to figure out how to check his email, let alone do any of that stuff. "Oh no."

"What, oh no? _Oh __no,_ they didn't have their insurance premiums paid up, or _oh __no,_ whatever killed them is heading this way?"

"There's only one Police patrol ship in the area and it's strictly defense-class; no onboard weapons, and only two soldiers at the helm. In a star-battle they'd be squashed like a bug, and if they attempted to board they'd also be squashed like bugs if there are any more than a single enemy."

"Which means…?"

"Which means by the time any other Police vessel reaches the frigate, whatever's going on will have been over for hours, if not _days._ Which means I'm the Space Plumbers' only hope of survival, since GSL is actually closer than that patrol ship."

Mario felt a cold sweat creeping over his forehead. "Up to us, eh? Same song, second verse."

"You're not coming on _this _mission," Wendus said with a humorless laugh. "No way, too high-risk. I was going to take you out to hunt some scumball with an outstanding warrant for drug trafficking; kid stuff that I know you won't screw up. I'm not taking you to face down Space Plumbers _and _a force that's apparently too much for them – which, in case you haven't guessed, means it's probably something terrifying and ugly!"

"Not any more terrifying and ugly than the two of us," he grunted. Then when she turned to glance at him, he said, "Uh, wait, that didn't come out the way it sounded in my head…"

"Save it. _Grr_, I'll _kill_ that Gadd for putting me in this position!"

They stayed mostly silent until they reached the garage, where Ted Clash was watching through inch-thick transparent aluminum as one of his assistants tested various aspects of what was likely the new afterburner. In a huff, she ran up to him and said, "Drop that in my ship."

"Nope," he told her immediately. "Got at least another half-hour of testing to do before I sign off on-"

"NOW."

Clash gritted his teeth and turned to face her. "You really are impossible, you know that? First, you twist Gadd's arm into paying for this little chunk of bravado, and then- whoa, hang on. Since when do you have a mini-me?"

She waved her hand to distract him from Mario. "Distress signal, Clash. I've got work to do, and I'm sure you've already run all of the tests that were strictly necessary. This is just to download some further results for your mechanic buddies to get off on."

"But I wanted to see how hot the-"

Wendus jabbed her finger into the man's prodigious stomach and spoke one word that coincided with each jab. "Put. It. In. Now."

Grumbling, he turned and motioned for the assistant to cut the testing short. "Spoilsport."

-o-o-o-o-

"There it is… in the Mallow system."

Mario waited for her to go on, but she was simply gazing at her console, stunned. Was there something about this development that upset her? Frowning, he leaned over her shoulder and peered out of the gunship's viewscreen at the imposing hunk of metal adrift amid the stars. "I don't get it; looks fine to me."

"Yes," Wendus agreed with some concern, clearing her throat as if to cough up and dispose of her strange lapse in concentration. "There's nothing wrong with it at all, other than the distress beacon. Maybe somebody set it off by accident." She punched a button, glancing at another readout to check who she was contacting. "Red Pearl to… Frigate Ostreon. Do you require assistance?"

They waited a very long time for a reply. It was actually less than thirty seconds, but in the dead silence of space it felt like an eternity. "Huh," Mario whispered. "Nothin'."

"Prepare to board," she sighed as she punched in some coordinates, then picked up her helmet from her lap and donned it. "I'd rather eat Leopardian cooking – which involves a lot of raw meat – but it looks like I'm taking you along to investigate."

"Sweet!" Mario crowed. "Can I shoot stuff?" When she glared, he chuckled. "Kidding, I'm kidding. Don't worry, I've seen and done this before – just not in space, that's all."

"Maybe, but that last part worries me."

They landed on one of the docking bays; it was a fairly large vessel compared to their measly one-person lifeboat. Mario was willing to bet that the Red Pearl probably wasn't originally built for intergalactic travel, but that Wendus had tricked it out until it was.

Cautiously, they made their way through the airlock and into the main areas of the ship. What they saw shocked them.

"Dead," she whispered after she had used her fancy gadgetry to scan the lifeless form on the ground. The pair had switched their communications to a private band upon entering, so whispering wasn't strictly necessary. "So much for our timely rescue."

"That's a Space Plumber?" Mario felt his skin crawling; the creature on the floor looked more like a praying mantis than a human (or even a Koopan, for that matter). Buglike eyes, serrated edges on its hands and forearms. He felt an odd flash of anger when he saw the colors and pattern of the jumpsuit covering most of its body; it did indeed look like his overalls-and-shirt combo, though it was obviously a single piece. It seemed unfair somehow that such vile creatures should be allowed to don something that he considered to be common-yet-dignified. _"__Yeesh.__"_

"Yeesh, indeed. Stick close."

"So this is what it comes down to?" he said as they moved through hallways and rooms. Wendus was presently taking a moment to download the ship's schematics into her suit's memory. "Skulking around old rustbuckets and trying to haul in survivors?"

"Yep."

"Do you think we'll run into any… attackers?"

"Yep."

"You don't talk much while on the job, do you?"

"Nope."

Then they entered a cavernous room with catwalks high above them, and a tank in the middle that made his skin crawl. "Oh… _Jesus_."

"You know this creature?"

Mario swallowed as they looked at the huge, spiky abomination floating in a strange green fluid. "Uhh… no, I was just starting a quick prayer. 'Oh, Jesus, please don't let there be any more of those.' I think it's a good one, personally."

"Really? Mind asking this Jesus of yours where the distress beacon came from if all the Space Plumbers are nothing but entrails?"

He looked around and saw she was right; as loathsome as he'd found them before, they were even harder to stomach now that he could _see __their __stomachs. _Instinctively, he reached up to hold his nose before he remembered there was a handy helmet to filter out any stench of decay.

"Interesting." When Mario caught up to where Wendus was bent over a terminal, she elaborated, "According to this status report, they had just given this creature the third injection of something called Trizon before its heart gave out and it expired."

"Fun."

"What were they doing up here?" she muttered as they began picking their way across the carnage. "These experiments… they're iffy, even for the Plumbers. And who's trying to steal their research?"

"What do you mean, steal it? Who'd want it?"

"Beats me. But somebody must want it if they're slaughtering the entire crew to get to it."

"Something hungry," Mario said as he pointed to a head that had a sizable bite taken out of it. "Oh man… that spaghetti is comin' back for an encore…"

"Hold it together, tenderfoot; you hear that? Something's up ahead…"

They quickly dashed through a few more hatches, Wendus blowing open the locks with her cannon, and held up fast when they saw what they were facing. Apparently, Mario's prayer had not been in time.

"YAIGH!" Mario shouted as he dove to the side to avoid a concussive blast. "And it _shoots! _What do we do?"

"I thought you were some brave hero from Quaintsville!" Wendus barked as she fired a few plasma shots at it. "Where'd all that confidence go?"

Mario hopped just in time to clear the next blast. "It went back to the ship! Which is where we should be following, right now!"

To his right, he caught sight of the business end of Wendus's gun changing shape. An enormous missile with a grinning face on its nose emerged, hung in the air just long enough for him to think it looked familiar, then bored through the creature's skull. And still it attacked.

"It's invincible!" Mario shouted as he fired a few shots of his own, now that he had suddenly remembered how to do that in the first place. Of course, they bounced off and made no difference at all. "What are we gonna do?"

"Your gun is still on stun-mode!" Wendus reminded him, plugging away as she ducked and dodged. "And this thing is already toast; its body just hasn't caught up to its mind yet! Keep on your toes!"

Eventually, it began to show signs of failing; its shots sailed wide, or even hit the ceiling. At long last, it collapsed in a writhing, twitching heap.

"Whew!" Mario grunted, hands on his knees. "That was… man, I haven't breathed this hard since I had to climb to Sky Land!"

They only had that long to breathe before red, flashing lights interrupted their reverie. "Not again."

"Huh?"

"Self-destruct. Or in this case, I think the reactor core has been destabilized. Can't I ever leave a ship or a base in a calm, leisurely fashion?"

Mario nodded and drew himself up. "Okay, let's make tracks, then."

Wendus consulted her visor, then ran off at full tilt. On any normal day, Mario would have begun to lag behind, no matter how in shape he was or wasn't. With the suit to aid his movements, however, he found he could easily keep pace, which meant she was deliberately hanging back so he could keep up. Realizing that, he shouted, "Hey! Don't linger on my account!"

"I'm not," she told him. "And remember, you don't have to shout when the commlink is active."

"Oh, right. What I mean is, we can both go faster than this, so why aren't we?"

"Because you don't have Yozo reflexes. If I turn a few blind corners or leap to another level at the last second, you may not realize I have until it's too late to double back."

"I'm not _that _slow!"

A growl crept into her voice. "I never said you were. It's purely a fact that I have quicker reaction times due to my biological makeup, which I have honed to perfection over the length of my entire career as a Space Hunter. I was dragging ass on Delfebes, too; you simply can't keep up no matter how hard you do or do not try. I'm sure you're an incredibly gifted human, but the point you're trying to prove won't matter if we let you get blown to Mushroom Kingdom come!"

Mario clenched his fists, but didn't disagree. He knew she was right. Come to that, he found himself grateful that his reality's Wendy wasn't nearly so powerful or he might not be able to keep thwarting Bowser and family's silly schemes.

Which now seemed much sillier in the face of the true danger they were in.

"It's just around this bend," she announced as she blew the hinges off a hatch. "We're almost there, we just have to-"

Now there was a huge, imposing beast towering over them. It looked a little like the Space Plumbers, except maybe triple the size, and it was purple-black with giant wings. It also had a huge, multi-fanged mouth, from which it immediately launched a barrage of mottled… eggs.

"_BIRDLEY!"_

Both of them dodged to either side, firing up at the creature. Wendus's shots only made it wince, and Mario's did nothing whatsoever. Why was he even bothering to fire so long as his cannon was on restriction? He knew Wendus would be unlikely to remove the limiter until she was sure he had even the barest clue of what he was doing, but on the other hand… if they died here and now, what was the difference?

"Wendus!" he hissed. "Let me help!"

"Just stay back and keep your eyes peeled!" she ordered as she strafed around it, trying to get a clear shot at its belly. An enormous barbed tail sailed out and slashed at her. "For the love of- I can't get at it, and we don't have time for this!"

Almost as if it had heard her, the thing screeched at them, then took off through the ceiling, tearing a gaping maw in the ship's outer hull. They both felt the rush of air being vented into space, and at the last second Mario thought to grasp a nearby bulkhead.

"Why aren't you being sucked out?" he demanded.

"Gravity boots," she told him breathlessly. "You should engage yours!" As he fumbled around to figure out how, she panted, "Birdley… I thought I finally got him last time, I really… _damn _that wretched piece of space junk! Why won't he just _die?_"

"Nevermind old grudges and vendettas! We need to am-scray, pronto!"

Long story short, the two made it to her gunship as an explosion rocked the launch pad. Shortly afterward, when they were airborne, they felt a much, much larger explosion.

"Tracking Birdley now," she said faintly as she practically threw her arm cannon to the floor so she would have both hands free to manipulate the controls. "Tracking… tracking… DAMN!"

"What, what?"

"Gone." She ripped her helmet off and ran both hands through her hair, eyes wide and forlorn. "He's down there… somewhere on Mallow IV. Anywhere on Mallow IV, anywhere at all. I can't get a lock."

"Well, let's go find him."

When she turned to look up at him, there was a desperate kind of fury there, one that told him he had misspoke but that even if he hadn't it would have made little difference. "It's a B-class habitable planet. How would you go about combing _your _home planet for a single entity?"

Mario shrugged nervously. "So we take a little longer to find him. And hey, maybe he'll die on his own, anyway. Do we really need to chase him down?"

"You don't understand," she said quietly. "He's probably the only one with any clearer idea of what happened to the Ostreon than us. Now that it's crashing, it's gonna be a lot harder to dig up evidence."

As one, they turned their attention to the viewscreen and watched the telltale flare of a large mass reentering a planetary atmosphere. Both chrome-plated heroes looked on without exchanging any further words until the ship collided with Mallow IV's crust, sending up a big enough cloud that they could see it without magnification.

"Forget it," Mario suggested. "I mean… we should just forget about it. It looks to me like they were doing something pretty rotten anyway, so let's forget the whole thing; all their freaky experiments went down with the ship."

"Not if Birdley is still alive. I bet you – I just _bet_you that he was retrieving data backups, or maybe there was a single sample that was more valuable than all the other ones. Wouldn't surprise me at all."

With a sigh, Mario took off his helmet; the climate controls were great, but it still felt stuffy in there. "Okay. I get that he threw your mojo off back there, and that he's a giant dirtbag. But I don't see why it's so important to you that we go after him when he's long g-"

"_Because he killed my mother!"_

A few seconds later, she had turned away from him on the pretense of checking the engine output. Even before that, her impassive mask had barely even cracked when she blurted out the truth… but cracked it had. "Whoa…"

"There. I hope that's a satisfactory reason for me to be personally invested. Feel more well-informed, Mr. Plumber?" She pressed a button to record a log entry. "Tracking on enemy target lost; ground-based recon required. Initiating atmospheric reentry and subsequent landing sequence."

Mario kept his mouth shut until they were on the surface.

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: Here's where we get into the thick of things. Don't worry, it won't just be a Prime walkthrough; there will be lots of banter between our two heores and little sidetracks and such. That's where the meat of this story lies. And I'm sorry it took me so long to post this chapter, I've been unexpectedly busy with annoying crap. See you soon!<p> 


	6. Extreme Temperatures

- Chapter 6: Extreme Temperatures -

It had taken around ten minutes for them to find a suitable deserted area to set down. Rain notwithstanding, it was a pleasant enough site; lush foliage, beautiful scenery. A real interplanetary tourist trap. They hopped off the Red Pearl and its captain presumably set some kind of futuristic parking brake, then wandered off in the direction of the nearest structure.

"I dunno if we're gonna find Birdley here," Mario remarked as they entered the dilapidated ruins. "Or anybody, for that matter; looks like the previous tenants checked out permanently."

"He could be hiding from me anywhere." When Wendus heard Mario's chuckle, she snapped, "I know, he's a giant monster and I'm just one lone girl and I sound haughty, but I tell you I _killed __him. _I fired missile after missile down his throat until he perished. That thing, that Meta-Birdley… it's more machine than it is creature. Those Space Plumbers were so reluctant to part with their general that they turned him into a mockery of his former self."

On they explored, and as they went Mario slowly grew accustomed to the more complicated controls of his Power-Up Suit. A few questions that were reluctantly answered later and he knew how to use his scan visor to track heat signatures; Wendus said this was the quickest way to turn up Birdley, since he was probably one of the largest heat signatures on the entire planet.

"This is so pointless," Wendus gusted as she leaned against a pillar, more out of boredom than fatigue. "An entire planet! I'll track him to the ends of reality, but if I haven't spotted him within a few days… well, I won't hold out much hope."

"You did set your ship to keep track of anything that takes off. We'll know if he leaves."

A quick nod. "Okay. Let's… wait. What's all this?"

Mario walked over and stared with her at the strange carvings in the ancient stone. "Great, squiggly lines. I used to draw stuff like that when I was a baby and my mom would hang it on the refrigerator."

"No, no, it's… it's Yozo lore." She brushed a gloved hand across the writing. "There are hundreds of carvings like this under the surface of Delfebes. But what's this doing here? Wait- wait, I remember, I remember one of the elders told me… but it was in passing, and so long ago. What did he say?"

Mario squinted – then remembered he didn't have to squint and adjusted his controls to zoom the visor's camera. "Hmm… you know, these Yozo guys – if that's who those are supposed to be, since I can't read any of this malarkey – look a lot like a friend I made once, in yet another world…"

"I dare you to make fun of their faces," she warned him, suddenly angry. "Just because the Koopan descendents were the ones to develop the more 'human' faces doesn't mean the Yozo were less civilized. In fact, I'd say the reverse is true."

"Never said that," Mario told her softly. "Don't put words in my mouth."

A heavy silence fell over them before Wendus broke it with a sigh. "Sorry. But you keep talking about these Koopans from your world as if they're a blight, and you sound awfully judgmental when you do so. Forgive me for assuming."

"That's because all of the Koopas in my world are criminals – and I mean _all,_ not just 'enough of them that we might as well say all'. If there were even _one_ Koopaling that didn't try to murder mushrooms on a daily basis, I'd be a little less generic. Trust me, after listening to my grandpa tell stories about anti-Italian sentiment in the old neighborhood, there's nothing that makes me sick faster than racism."

"I said I was sorry," she told him more earnestly before turning back to the stone. "This writing… it's in ancient Yozo, but the carvings are too fresh; they can't be more than a decade or two old."

"What does that mean for us, exactly?"

"It means it hasn't been too long since they were wiped out. See, my suit was built by them, and has a very keen sensor when it comes to their unique physiology. If there were any surviving and lurking around within a few miles of us, I'd know – and you would, too, depending on how exactly Professor Gadd duplicated my visor."

"Huh." Shelving that for further contemplation later, Mario leaned in. "So you can't read this because it's in an outdated font?"

"I didn't say that," she told him with a tinge of amusement. "I'm rusty, though; I haven't used it since history class. On the other hand, my Yozo History curriculum was actually written by the Yozo themselves, so I have a leg up on a few of the galactic anthropologists. That's funny…"

She fell silent, so Mario waited. When a minute passed, he whispered, "Wanna let me in on the joke, or is this one of those 'you had to be there' things?"

"Well, they keep mentioning 'Trizon', and how 'the Ludviathan' must be contained." She walked a few paces down to get a better look at more of the writing. "Again, 'Trizon', 'the Trizon from the visitor'. Didn't we read something about that on the ship?"

"You did. I was too busy trying not to trip over my newly-bronzed feet."

"And look – 'The impact crater where the Ludviathan lies shall be where the Trizon is contained'. But the Space Plumbers got their filthy mitts on some, didn't they?" She whirled and punched through a half-crumbled pillar, reducing it to pebbles. "SCUM! They'll do anything _to _anything, no scruples, no moral compasses, just discovery with no forethought!"

Mario gulped. "Look, Wendus, we're tired. Let's go back to the-"

"No, plumber. Think about it; this makes it sounds like the Yozo sealed this foreign substance away. They wanted it 'contained'… which means they don't think any good can come from it. But, of course, Birdley was too curious about what it might be able to accomplish to leave it alone. And gee, what happened?" It astounded Mario how she could put two-and-two together so quickly. "They lost control of their experiments. That huge beast on the frigate we took down was a test subject that got out of its cage, and it killed them all. It _ate_ them."

Slowly, Mario began to nod as he stared at the drawings that accompanied the gobbledygook. "Right. So their R&D department isn't exactly known for caution or patience; they just grab fistfuls of weird mutagen and pump it into anything with a pulse until it goes nuts. Which almost always backfires – at least it does in every horror movie I've ever seen."

"Let's go," she barked, turning away from the wall. "Unless my instincts are way off the mark, I'm willing to wager there's still a Space Plumber research facility somewhere on this planet. Their low-gravity orbiting lab can't be their _only _lab."

"And what are we gonna do when we find it, blow it up?" Wendus's cold chuckle didn't bode well, so he said, "Oh, come on! Haven't we had enough explosions for one week?"

"I didn't mind Mother Drain's lair exploding, or the frigate. As long as it's signaling the end of true evil, I'll keep detonating until this whole planet is dust in the solar winds."

It was hard for him to explain, but there was something chilling about how black-and-white this version of Wendy saw things. Chilling, yet awesome. Maybe if they had another hero this committed to their cause back in the Mushroom Kingdom they wouldn't still be fighting an ongoing war.

"But don't we have another mission on the to-do list ahead of this one?"

"You think I've forgotten Birdley? He's probably right there in the middle, overseeing the whole operation. Now that their other facility took a swan dive, he's got to make sure they salvage what they've learned and make the most of it." She took off at a brisk pace, and Mario struggled to keep up. "We find the lab, we find Birdley. I'm sure of it."

They had only just shunted aside an aged portal when a blurred object dove at them from the sky. Both explorers leapt to either side, and whirled to see a strange creature drifting away from the portal in a confused, haphazard pattern.

"What was that?" Mario yelped.

"Helios if I know, but I think it came from – _that!__"_

They turned to see a large, disc-shaped machine resting in the center of a long rope bridge that suspended it over a pit of some roiling substance Mario decided would not make for a refreshing beverage. As they looked on, aghast, it continued spitting out more of the small creatures. Now that they had a second to adjust to their surroundings, Mario noticed they looked like giant furry wasps– except for the Shyguy mask and the two-pronged lance each was carrying.

"DUCK!"

Mario resisted the urge to quack and hit the dirt while one sailed harmlessly over his head. He looked up just in time to see Wendus blasting the crap out of everything, and soon both the wasps were a mere memory. He'd barely had time to think before the whole battle was over… until another dozen of the creatures pelted out of the machine, angling directly for them.

"Looks like this is gonna take a while," Wendus said as she plugged away at them.

"Maybe not – hang on!" Grunting, Mario planted his feet, prayed he didn't have his gravity boots engaged now and took to the air, vaulting easily over the contraption. Once he reached the other side, he picked up a nearby rock and used it to bash the ropes securing the bridge to the platform. Just as it gave way, he hopped free from the bridge and took a breath as he watched it sail down into the muck below… where it immediately began to melt. His instincts on the substance weren't misplaced, after all.

"Whew!" came the voice over his commlink. "Good work cutting them off at the source."

Mario grinned. "Yeah, though the way I finished it off seems oddly familiar…" Then he turned and let out a cry of surprise. "WHA! Geez, uh, you don't play around, do you?"

One of the bee-like things twitched as if to get up, and she blasted it again, spreading even more gooey viscera around the scene. "Nope." She turned to look at him, hands on hips. "And could you maybe try to be a little less pathetic next time? I'm starting to doubt the validity of your claims that you're the local protagonist where you come from. You have a blaster, you didn't need to pick up rocks and bash things like a Neanderthal."

"I'm not used to the suit," he grumbled sulkily. "And I wasn't sure my stungun would sever the rope; it doesn't seem to do me any good at all. While we're on the subject-"

"Oh hey, check this out…" She brushed aside some hanging vines that had half-obscured another door. "If I'm not reading this incorrectly, this is a storage unit. Let's see if there's anything good."

"Nice, steal from your own people; beautiful. Wonder what Mommy Yozo would have to say about that?"

Wendus sighed. "Have you forgotten? They are extinct. If I don't reclaim whatever they've got back here, it's only a matter of time before the Space Plumbers scavenge it." That having been said, she shot the door, and the energy pulse dispersed across its surface and powered the mechanism that opened it. With one more annoyed glance at Mario, she walked through… and stopped. "Hmm."

"What?"

"Well, it must be more important than I realized."

Mario crossed the threshold after her and gazed around. "I'm not all that impressed; looks like a buncha junk. Stuff that might not even work."

"I bet these still work," she said, tossing him a couple of small green battery packs and a red one.

"Thanks, but I don't have a Salad Shooter to stick these in."

"That's not where they go." He watched her click the green ones into her arm cannon, then the red ones into her breastplate. "Missile expansions and energy tanks. They probably wouldn't do anybody without a Power-Up Suit any good, so there's a chance the Space Plumbers already found this place and decided not to give a Shriekbat's ass."

"What do they do exactly?"

Wendus just stared at him for a moment. Then she shook her head and said, "Well, let's see. The missile expansion expands the number of missiles you can fire, and the energy tank feeds your shields more energy. Next you'll be asking what the eponymous 'High Jump' add-on does. But none of this is why I think this place is important."

One second before Mario was going to bother to ask, she pointed to a strange indentation in the otherwise-smooth floor. "Huh. So nobody ever mixed up some concrete and plugged the pothole, so what? Big deal; I've been known to get a little sloppy with the home repair now and again."

"Funny. Shut up and watch, Mr. Comedian."

Mario's eyes shot open when Wendus suddenly began collapsing in upon herself. He stretched out his hand, wondering if he should try to stop whatever was taking place just in case it might result in her demise, but then the transformation halted and she was a perfectly round sphere. Smiling, he bent down and picked her up.

"HEY!"

"Great idea," Mario said, twirling her around on the end of one finger. The suit's augmented reflexes even helped him balance, which was fortunate as he'd hate to think what she'd do to him if he dropped her. "A little one-on… well, I guess if you're the ball it's not really one-on-one, is it?"

"Put me down or I'll blow your hand off!" Once she was back on the ground and decidedly ignoring Mario's laughter, she said, "If you're through messing around…?"

"Can my suit do that, too?"

"Yes, but I don't recommend it," she laughed as she rolled toward the indentation. "It would snap your human spine like a brittle wishbone. As it is, smooshing myself into this unnatural shape for too long gives me a heck of a migraine."

Once resting in the small dip that was perfectly shaped to hold a sphere of that size, Wendus loosed an energy discharge that seemed to boot up some aged equipment hidden in the walls. There was a lot of whirring, a lot of clicking, and a lot of glowing stuff that glowed. Mario tensed, ready for action… but after the first ten minutes plunked down on the floor with a yawn. He was just beginning to nod off when a boot lashed out and connected with his side.

"_WHAIGH?"_

"Get up, lazy bones," Wendus growled, back in her biped form. "Let's get going."

"Get going where?" he bellyached, rubbing the spot that would probably still bruise in spite of his armor. "And what took you so long, what were you doing anyway?"

The sneer was clearly evident in her voice. "The backstroke."

"She's prone to random fits of violence _and_she's a cut-up!"

"The corroding old servers downloaded a ton of Yozo lore and a map of their settlement into my suit, if you must know. Not that it tells me where the Space Plumbers could be, since the map is from before they decided to move in… but at least it gives me some places to search."

"That's a good thing, then?"

Wendus didn't bother to answer him.

-o-o-o-o-

Sometime later in the day, Mario and Wendus were skirting the ruins of an old fountain when he drummed up the courage to ask her a question. It had been buzzing around in the back of his mind for a long while now, but every time he started to speak up he would either think better of it, or she would snap at him to check on this or that, or not step on something, and there was always one thing or another to distract him. Now, however, he blurted it out so there wasn't any time to avoid the issue.

"So your parents…"

Wendus stopped in her tracks, and her eyes might have been hidden but that didn't mean he couldn't feel the ice in her gaze. "You're on pretty shaky ground with me as it is, pasta man. You really wanna rock the boat?"

"We're totally wrapped up in this mission of vengeance because you have it out for some giant purple dinosaur who ain't Barney," he snapped back at her, and he actually saw her draw back in surprise. "Maybe you still think I'm outta line for asking for more details, but I don't!"

She raised her arm cannon, aiming straight for his head, but Mario stayed put. He was beginning to learn that to make any real headway with Wendus, one had to weather her posturing and bravado until she relented. Not that it was _wise,_ given that if she didn't relent it was a fantastic way to end up dead, but it was the only thing that stood a chance at working.

"Fine," she gusted as they strode toward a door, blasting a few small creatures along the way. Mario's cannon only knocked them over for a while, but it helped. "My mother was killed by him. I told you that, and that's all you need to know."

"When?"

"A long time ago," she sighed. "Can we drop it?"

"Sue me for acting interested in your life story. You sure as hell don't wanna know mine, and if I don't get some freakin' conversation soon I'm gonna go postal."

"Yes, tell me," she goaded. "Tell me all about how Mommy and Daddy tucked you in at night while I was barely protected from a vicious, bloodthirsty killer at the expense of _my _parents! Tell me how you went to a normal school with dozens of other pink squishy humans like yourself while I was hated and feared by my Yozo classmates who had never seen a Koopan before, nor much appreciated one being thrust into their midst! Tell me how you wrangled a typical boring career path and made a decent, uncomplicated wage at it, while I quit the force because I felt I had no choice after- after…" After a few shaky breaths, she cleared her throat and reclaimed her even temperament. "Tell me, Fuzzface; you have my undivided attention."

Mario let the silence ratchet down their ire a few notches before whispering, "Yeah. That's pretty much how my life was. No orbiting satellites landed on my parents or anything, I never had to shoot space scum for a living. Not until I got sucked through my first Warp Zone and found myself in a world that was completely upside-down from everything I knew… and for the longest time, I had absolutely no way back. My brother was with me, but all my family and friends, my apartment, favorite restaurants, movie theaters, radio stations, casinos… everything that meant 'home' to me was just out of my reach. But yeah, compared to your life, I guess mine's pretty ho-hum."

Both of them now at a loss, Wendus kicked open a door and shoved her way through a chamber with a giant tree in it until they reached another, brilliantly-lit chamber… with the universe's largest Piranha Plant in the middle. They both attacked, except that Mario's attacks didn't do anything because the safety was still on his gun.

"Are you ever gonna let me do some actual good here?" Mario sighed wearily as they kicked at the remnants of the vicious vegetation. "I'm spitting into the wind for all the good this thing does me."

"Maybe," Wendus told him as she poked around a pile of boulders. "This is a doorway, it's just caved in – back up, sport, I'm blasting it clear."

One Missile Bill later and they were diving through tunnel after tunnel. "So you said 'maybe'. Maybe, if you decide I won't turn on you? Or maybe, if you think I can hit the broad side of a barn?"

"Maybe it's a little of both," she hedged.

"Nice copout. Does it come in beige?"

A growl sounded in his speakers, and he fought down the urge to chuckle. If she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of releasing the irksome restriction on his cannon the least she could do was give him the satisfaction of getting to her.

"Looks like we're going deeper," she said when they reached an elevator shaft.

"Stu-freaking-pendous."

"Nobody said you had to come along."

Mario cracked a smile. "Actually, I'm pretty sure Professor Gadd said I had to come along. In exchange for that mountain of dough."

"What dough? You always think with your stomach."

"No, I didn't mean _that _kind of… nevermind. And you keep dancing around the point; I'm more than happy to do my part but it doesn't mean much if all I'm doing is providing comic relief and moral support – neither of which you seem to want anyway."

"You are a walking hazard, plumber!" she snapped as she activated the elevator. "That's all there is to it. Removing the safety lock on your weapon is only going to put my own neck at risk. Why should I do that unless you prove yourself capable?"

"How am I supposed to prove myself capable if all I can do is stun rats and puppies?"

"What a dilemma," she said unconcernedly. "Figure out a way if you're so smart."

They both lapsed into silence, which was especially oppressive when there was nothing to do but ride an elevator. It continued to press in on all sides as they traversed the following tunnels, until Wendus broke it with an incidental fact.

"Getting hotter down here. How's your suit holding up?"

"What? Why, what's wrong with it?"

"It's a knockoff," she said impatiently. "I'm worried that it won't be able to handle extreme temperatures; who knows if the doc used readouts from before or after I discovered the Waria upgrade to design his cheap imitation?"

It took Mario a few seconds to figure out where to check. "It says I'm in halfway into the yellow zone."

"Good," she sighed. "Mine, too. You only really have to worry if it hits halfway up red; then you're pretty much boiling alive by that point."

"Well that's a loadoff," he muttered as they neared a giant lake of bubbling magma, not entirely soothed.

Slowly, meticulously, they picked their way through the caverns, eradicating the indigenous life they came to – most of which tried to do the same first. Once or twice a quake shook them until Mario almost lost his footing, but she usually zipped in and held him steady in the nick of time. He would thank her, she'd nod curtly, and they'd go back to observing radio silence that neither of them had officially demanded.

"Look there."

He joined her in hiding at the edge of the tunnel mouth. "What, what is it?"

"A good sign."

Towering up from within yet another pool of molten earth was a decidedly modern structure, far removed from the crumbling stone ruins of the people that had first settled this planet. Mario knew what she meant; Birdley could be in there, and even if he wasn't, it was just as likely it might have information that could lead them to Birdley eventually.

"Any guards?"

"No guards… but I see some automated defenses. Let's take 'em out."

Mario scoffed, "There is no 'let's' if I'm still working this pea-shooter! Come on, have a heart…"

"ALL-STAR!" she growled, and Mario heard a click from his right arm. "There! Great Yozo Elders, I can't believe I just disengaged the safety because I couldn't stand to hear you _whine _about it anymore! Didn't you ever grow up at any point, Mr. I'm Older Than Wendus?"

Cycling through his options, Mario settled on "Wave Beam" and grinned. "Time to heat things up."

They both peeked around the corner to gauge the relative positions of the gun turrets, but Mario did not draw back and join her in strategizing; instead, he barreled around the corner, blasting away at them.

"YOU IDIOT!" Wendus growled as she pelted out and fired one missile apiece at the two turrets facing them. Both went up with tiny explosions.

"What?" Mario protested.

"They have energy shields!" she hissed, somehow looming over him even though they were roughly the same height. "It takes missiles to bring them down, and you're trying to zap them like some first-day rookie! You'd be off the force right now with no appeals or anything if you were one of _my _cadets!"

Mario stared evenly at her. "You could have been telling me all about this stuff before instead of clamming up and perfecting your brooding."

Two helmeted hotheads glared evenly at each other for a few long seconds. Then Wendus reached up, formed a fist, and clanged it down on Mario's head.

"YAH!"

"Next time we're trying to plan an offensive," she seethed, "you will wait for the planning stage to be over – or even occur. Am I clear?"

"Clear as mud, Fearless Leader. I'll be a good boy."

Blood still ablaze, they made their way inside and dispatched the drones and gun turrets that attempted to impede them and began checking around. "Doesn't look like much is here."

"More mention of this Trizon junk," Wendus sighed as she tapped at buttons. "Nothing about what they're really doing with it, though."

"Must be some pretty primo stuff if everybody's interested in it so much."

"Must be."

As they pressed on, reaching another elevator, Mario finally piped up and said, "Sorry."

"Sorry for…?"

"For running off half-cocked and almost getting myself killed. That was all me."

"Yes, it was."

Mario pursed his lips as they watched cave walls flash by. "You sure know how to accept an apology with grace and dignity, doncha?"

"What can I say? Gadd was right to restrict you from having any real firepower in the beginning, because the minute you got some what did you do? Almost turned us both into a smoking crater."

"I said I was sorry," he told her again through gritted teeth as they disembarked the elevator. "You could try being a little less- WHOA!"

It was a lucky thing they weren't any more heavily involved in their budding argument, because they nearly fell end-over-end to the frozen wasteland far below.

"I really don't understand the climate here," Mario snapped, as if it were the climate's fault they weren't looking where they were going. "We just left boiling hot grossness, and now we're in Popsicle-land!"

Wendus stepped up to the edge again and placed her hands on her hips. "Breathtaking."

At second glance, Mario had to agree, even if he didn't much feel like agreeing with such a disagreeable woman. The snow-covered valley was a white-painted sight to behold, and he stood in awe of the geology and splendor. Half-frozen water with ice floes sloshing back and forth held all kinds of curious life on their surfaces, and frigid-looking beetles with icicles hanging from their backs crawled along the cave walls they had just exited.

"My map tells me this area was known as Pherelandra to the Yozo. It means 'the frozen flower'. They loved it as dearly as the more lush, tropical climates." She put a hand to the side of her helmet and her visor retracted, exposing her eyes so as to take in the sight with her natural vision. There lingered a wretched pain there that surprised Mario in its intensity, but of course didn't completely shock him. Loss is usually self-evident enough. "It's amazing. In a different continuum, I'd be standing here with my mentors and friends, drinking in this landscape and speaking in hushed whispers."

"Yeah," Mario said, hoping to snap her out of her reverie before she could dwell too deeply on what might have been. "I'll take a picture and slap it on the back of a postcard. Now maybe we should-"

But again he would not be allowed the chance to finish his sentence when a shadow flickered past. The pair of explorers lifted their gaze, and he could almost hear the pulse of his traveling companion reach a near-lethal speed over their commlink.

"_Birdley…!"_

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: Hey everybody, sorry I'm dragging ass with updates but you know how it is... real life is just so much fun (yeah right). I'm gonna buckle down and get this thing written soon, I promise. How'm I doing so far? Let me know! Speak out, tell me I'm the greatest thing since microwavable bacon, laugh at this Nintendo mashup of ludicrious proportions! Tell me not to quit my day job! Now taking all callers.<p> 


	7. Rogue's Gallery

- Chapter 7: Rogue's Gallery -

Wendus and her tag-along interdimensional tourist gaped in amazement as the enormous winged beast blew past them and over the horizon. Just as it was disappearing from view, it opened its maw and let out a thunderous screech of a volume to wake the dead.

"Birdley."

Mario felt all the blood draining from his face. "Now Wendy-"

"That cave on the other side – it's the only way," she growled as she lowered her visor and started toward the edge – where she held up short. "Damn! How do we... if we drop down here we'll never be able to climb up the far shore. We have to catch up to him!"

"Maybe I still have a Magic Leaf," he whispered, reaching automatically for his pockets – and wincing when his hand and arm cannon clanged against his legs. "Aw, crap! I forgot I was dressed up like a can of tomato soup!"

"I have an idea." Taking quick aim, she loosed a flurry of Missile Bills at the roots of a few enormous hanging stalactites along the edge of the vast canyon. Some of them disintegrated upon impact with the ground, but the others merely stuck fast, giving them a near-complete walkway to cross.

"You weren't joshing," Mario said with no small amount of awe.

"Butter me up later! We have a monstrosity to tail!"

Without pausing for breath, the pair made their way along jagged cliffs of frozen moisture and through glistening caverns until they reached an enormous temple crusted over with the prevalent ice, nearly cut off. They looked in either direction, but there seemed to be no way around it.

"The way to Birdley is through here," she snapped. "Come on, we're wasting time."

"Are you sure we should go in there?" Mario asked quietly. "It looks like it could crash down around our heads if we sneeze."

"This is no time to lose your spine, tenderfoot!" Without even waiting for him, she barreled inside and raised her arm cannon, emanating fury and purpose. Mario was glad she was more or less on his side or he wouldn't stand a chance.

Before they got too far, they met a large, velociraptor-like beast – that met its end shortly thereafter. Mario had been steeling himself for a long, bloody battle with the ugly thing, but Wendus took to the air, did a quick flip, and rained down destruction upon its body. He scarcely had time to fire one or two shots before it was a puddle of unrecognizable organic matter.

"Rage, much?" he muttered.

"I can still hear you," she growled. "Honestly, you're really bad with the commlink; if you're going to talk to yourself, sever the connection."

"Maybe you're the one who needs to sever a connection. You're making this so personal that you're running in with guns blazing. I mean, I'm all for it, leading with the left hook and all, but on the other hand I'm up against a bunch of beasties that I've never even heard of before. What if the next big dumb bag of teeth is immune to all our attacks?"

"Then we'll improvise on the fly. I have no time to waste on strategizing if I'm going to catch up to my archenemy."

Mario opened his mouth to reply, but she was already off and through the next door. He almost followed her blindly before he noticed something shiny discarded in a corner. He ran past and picked it up before joining the only soul he knew within a thousand miles.

"Get the lead out, plumber!" she snapped. "Unless you want to stay there and keep the ghosts of elders in the chapel company!"

"What do you suppose this thing does?"

Without slowing, Wendus glanced over her shoulder at the object he was holding up. "Looks like some kind of suit add-on. I'm not chancing it, we have no idea what it'll do."

"We have no way of scanning it first? Even with all these over-complicated doodads? I think you got gypped, girly girl."

"You flirt with disaster on a regular basis, don't you?" she shot at him in a tone several shades angrier than it had been previously. "If we weren't hot on Birdley's trail right now, I swear by all the moons of-"

"You swear what?" he goaded. "What are you gonna do, kick my human heinie?"

"RRRGH!"

"Sorry, Wendy, I don't speak Cro-Magnon."

Finally, she turned and grabbed him around the neck, pinning him to the door she had been about to enter. _"You have got to be THE thickest-skulled dunderhead I have EVER known and I HATE you!"_

"Aww," he cooed. "Did I say something wrong?"

"You…" She took a few deep breaths, and his suit's heads-up display registered a warning that increasing pressure was threatening to buckle the neckplates of his suit. "You insipid…"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry! But come on, somebody's gotta dial you back a notch or you'll get both of us smeared across Mallow IV!"

"Take off your helmet."

Mario didn't want to take off his helmet. It was probably at the very bottom of the list of things he didn't want to do at that moment. He took it off anyway. Wendus reached up and held her arm cannon to his face; it began to glow brighter, and brighter, and then small motes of light began to pop in front of his face, the tiny sparks burning his skin. "OW, OWOWOW!"

Wendus turned her arm at the last second and fired directly backward, causing some ancient structure or other to crumble into a pile of pebbles. "That will be _you_ the next time you call me Wendy. Gadd can have his filthy credits back; I'm not stomaching any more of your ridiculousness. Read me?"

"Yeah, sure, Miss Oran. Whatever you say goes."

She dropped him to the ground, picked up his helmet and threw it at him. "Suit up before this Yozo air mixture makes you lightheaded. We have prey to stalk."

"Roger Dodger."

The instant she opened the door, they knew it would be a lot more difficult to catch up to Birdley than they expected.

"BLAST!" Wendus cried as she dove to one side, avoiding the worst of the turret's onslaught. "Looks like we've found ourselves another heavily-guarded stronghold!"

"Okay," Mario panted as he struggled into his helmet. "I'm popping this add-on… uh, _on_. Let's see if it juices up my arsenal any."

"I still think that's a bonehead maneuver."

Once it was in place, he got a few messages flashing across his visor but they didn't have time to squander on reading leisurely. He jumped out from the safety of the portal's edge, took aim at one of the guns and let fly.

"Whoa…"

"Don't just stand there!" she barked. "Take the other one out, too!" Once he had done so, she leaned over to cautiously inspect his handiwork. "Ah, I see. Ice Beam."

That's exactly what it was; both turrets were frozen solid. Wendus took aim and fired with her own standard beam and the metallic implements of doom shattered. "Neat."

"You betcha," she replied.

"Okay, let's go smear this sucker."

"Hang on." She clapped the non-cannon hand to his shoulder as she passed. "Listen… you were being a nitwit, but I crossed a line when I shoved my charge beam in your face. Overkill."

"Are you… can it be you're… are you really… _apologizing?"_ he half-gasped, as if it was the single most astounding event in his life.

"Not anymore," she seethed, stomping away down the hallway. She only got halfway to the door when it opened and a creature stepped out, carrying something that looked suspiciously like a cup of coffee.

"BLEEERCHK?" the Space Plumber ululated in surprise.

_"Crap!"_ Wendus hissed. That was all any either of them said for the next several seconds as first the boiling hot beverage was chucked at them, and then all three beings opened fire, trying to drill holes in the other team while avoiding having holes drilled into themselves. Being that it was two-on-one, Wendus and Mario made short work of their opponent.

"Guess the stealth approach has been nixed," Mario panted. "Let's just run in there and-"

"I agree!"

Nodding at each other, Mario shot the door and they charged into the next room, startling at least ten Space Plumbers and proving to Mario that those doors were probably soundproof. Bolts of energy and explosive missiles sailed through the air in every direction, and a few scorchmarks budded on his once-pristine armor when he suffered some narrow misses (and not-so-narrow direct hits). Around the time an automated defense drone was retreating for the door, Mario remembered his add-on and froze it so Wendus could get a clear shot with a Missile Bill, which she did.

"Great," the Space Hunter said, only slightly out of breath whereas Mario wanted nothing more than to collapse against something and black out. "So… so we're not dead. That's a blessing, isn't it?"

"I… I'm not so sure… if we were dead, then at least we… wouldn't be this… exhausted…"

"Speak for yourself, pudgy buns." After taking another few seconds to cool down, she crossed to a control panel and jacked her cannon into a panel that looked like it was tailored for it. "Hmm… okay, we're in Glacier One, blah blah blah, don't care. Ah, here we are. Interesting…"

"Feel like sharing?"

"Listen to this: _'Trizon ore is extremely durable and blast-resistant. Although the armor-like qualities of this substance provide remarkable protection, thermal imaging can be used to detect vulnerable areas in casing. Improvements must be made in the event that these weaknesses are found by aggressors.'_ Hmm…"

"Hmm."

"You don't even know what I'm 'hmm'ing about," she grunted in disgust.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't."

"Sounds like they're using whatever this stuff is to ramp up their defenses. Be on your toes from here on out, we may be up against some really tough customers."

Mario nodded. "Probably good advice. Now, where are we headed?"

"I'm glad you asked," she told him with a hint of amusement as she turned to a neighboring door. "From the map I just downloaded, I know that there's a research lab somewhere in this direction. If Birdley is anywhere on this base, it would be there. Playing God."

The following room was far more interesting. Once the scientists and their guardian drones had been dispatched, both of them spent a few minutes gaping at the contents of stasis tubes. They were so hideous that Mario began to turn as green as the creatures were.

"I don't like the sound of this," Wendus whispered.

"Can't be much worse than anything we've run into so far."

"Yeah? Can't it? _'Mining operations have been initialized near the crater where the energy source codified as Trizon appears to be most concentrated. Daily Trizon yields have increased 44%, and our mining system becomes more streamlined as personnel and equipment are relocated to Mallow IV.'_"

Mario shrugged as he picked up a strange instrument whose purpose he could only nauseously guess at. "So what? Didn't we already know all this?"

"Oh, there's more:_ 'Several incidents of Trizon-induced dementia have been reported, prompting augmented life-support filter regulations in subterranean barracks. Symptoms include loss of equilibrium, labored respiration, muscle spasms, and in the most extreme cases, persistent hallucinations.'_ Care to revise your opinion on the danger levels?"

"Okay… I can be wrong on rare occasion, can't I?"

"Do you realize what would happen if these idiots began shipping this radioactive garbage all over the Rosetta Galaxy? Everything would implode. Not just lives, but the quality of life for _everyone _is at stake here, and you could care less!"

"I care," Mario protested angrily. "I just don't know how we're supposed to track down your flying friend _and _shut down a dangerous illegal mine in the process! You wanna split up?"

"Like I'd let you wander around free on this planet," she scoffed, folding her arms. "You'd incinerate yourself within the hour. Probably by tripping over your own feet and firing your own arm cannot at your own face."

Mario shrugged. "Right. Or I could stick around and let you do that for me. Shouldn't be too long before you try it again, Miss Short-Fuse."

At that, Wendus fell silent, at least moderately ashamed of her previous actions. The tension reached a breaking point over the course of a minute or so, and then she turned to the nearest door and blasted it open – this time with a missile, sending hard, unforgiving bits of metal in all directions.

"Feel better?"

"Much. Let's wipe the floor with these scum." However, contrary to her words, she didn't sound any better. In fact, she sounded even angrier than before… but Mario couldn't honestly say if she was still angry at him, or at herself.

When they reached the top of the next room, they found themselves standing around a large holographic projection of a solar system. Wendus gazed up at it for a few moments, then began scanning databanks one by one. "Hey," Mario said as he peered at one. "That's where we are – Mallow IV, right?"

"Mm."

"Betelgeusia, Delfebes, Rigel V… wait, Delfebes, that one's familiar."

"We were just there a few days ago, outlier. Do you have asteroids for brains or something?"

Mario turned to glance at her, then turned back. "_'A class XIII planet, Delfebes is inhospitable to most bioforms. The world was considered useless and extraneous until it became a secret base for the Space Plumber armada.'_ Didn't you say that's where those Yozo guys used to hang their hats?"

"Ooh, check this out!"

At the uncharacteristic enthusiasm present in Wendus's voice, he turned – just in time to see an enormous blast erupt from the barrel of her cannon, removing a door entirely from their plane of existence.

"WHAT-" Then he coughed and began again. "What in the name of Jerry Garcia was _that?"_

"Super Missile Bill." She turned to Mario, hands on hips, and he could hear the grin over her audio feed. "It's just an update to the cannon's firmware that combines the force of the charge beam with the missiles, but I'd say it packs a real wallop, wouldn't you?"

"I'd say it should be banned throughout the universe!"

"Probably should; that's why I found it in the villains' computer network, I suppose. Might come in handy either way. And I can wade through all the data I collected later; for now, let's explore the rest of this base and hope we get lucky."

"Because everything's been coming up four-leaf clovers so far." Still, he followed her without any real protestation, along a catwalk and into another elevator shaft. Up they rode, and Mario was just readying to say something when the door swooshed open – and, of course, they were under attack. "YAAIGH!"

Wendus dove through and laid waste to everything within sight, arm almost a blur as it switched directions at several times faster than human speed. Not to be outdone so easily, Mario made quick work of a few of their numbers, serrated arms often coming within inches of his helmet before he could blow a hole in the abdomen of the creature wielding such a deadly natural weapon. Out of habit, he jumped on a few of them, but it didn't seem to be quite as effective a tactic as it had been in the Mushroom Kingdom; at best, it dazed the Space Plumbers, and at worst he merely ended up losing his balance and landing with a great _thud!_

"Let's go," Wendus barked at him as she used a nearby seat cushion to hurriedly wipe pinkish blood from her visor so she could see. "The more of our time we let them take up, the further behind we fall."

"I know this is a stupid question," he said as she punched the button for the elevator opposite the one they had rode up, "but… has anybody ever tried reasoning with these crazy things? I mean, I'm not gonna pretend they've extended a single olive branch our way since we made planetfall, but come on, this is some serious warfare we're waging! Didn't _anybody _give peace a chance, even just once?"

"They're not interested," she grunted as she turned to close the door. "All they- LOOK OUT!"

A bolt of light flew over Mario's shoulder. They both turned to see the glass had been shattered and a Space Plumber was flying in through it – _flying_, with an enormous jetpack strapped to itself. Before the door finished closing, Wendus loosed one of those Super Missile Bills, and a single fleck of viscera managed to squeeze through the tiny gap between door and jamb before it slammed shut and the elevator began to descend. The fleck landed on Mario's arm, of course.

"Great," he sighed shakily, quite rattled by the suddenness of the attack from behind. "Because I was so clean to begin with."

"We can't drop our guard for even a second. Not when we're balls-deep in enemy territory."

Mario shot her a glance, surprised at the turn of phrase she used. "You know, for an extremely attractive woman, you're kind of a… dude."

There was only enough time for him to see her helmet swivel over to point at him before the elevator door opened again, cutting off whatever comment she was about to make. Maybe that was for the best.

Both explorers stepped cautiously into the room, cannons up, eyes sharp. This particular branch of the base appeared to be deserted. Relaxing – if only a tiny bit – they advanced a few paces. "No signs of active life, just things in stasis. A lot of this equipment is interfering with my sensors, though; too many signal feedback loops in one place or something."

"Woof," Mario remarked as he peered into one of the tubes along the walls. "They've got some stuff in here that makes Bowser look like Marilyn Monroe."

She turned back to him with a slight nod to herself. "Right. Well, regardless of whoever those people are, I think we're done here. Maybe if we head through into… oh, black hole."

For an instant, Mario thought she really had found a black hole and was hoping everything he'd heard about them in his high school astronomy class _wasn't _true. Then he realized she was using it as a curse, though he couldn't figure out what the matter was.

"Sure," he said as he joined her in staring at the large tube in the center of the room, "it's not the cutest little bugger I've ever seen, but what's the big deal?"

"I… I hoped I'd never see one again after the last time." An audible gulp carried over their commlink. "Slagging space junk, we need to fall back. We need to fall back _now_."

"Why, what is it?"

Almost as if in answer to his question, the tube shattered and the roundish green-brown spheroid erupted from its insides, hovering in the air without any visible source of propulsion, four tusks gleaming in the artificial light. Wendus only uttered one quiet word by way of response:

"Goomboid."

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: Uh-oh! Here comes the evil of all evils! Sorry again for taking so long to get on with this but as you can probably see I was working on a little KingKiller one-shot. Now that that's out of the way, we'll go back to really belting out this MarioMetroidMashup! I promise it's gonna get good! Stay tuned!<p> 


	8. Oran So Far Away

- Chapter 8: Oran So Far Away -

For a few brief, blessed seconds, the spherical creature merely hung there, as if surprised that it had finally escaped captivity. Then it dive-bombed Mario.

"YAAAIGH!" he screamed, in a voice much higher than he'd expected himself capable of.

"DUCK!" Obeying without thinking, Mario hit the dirt yet again, privately thinking that he spent more time down there than standing upright. When he rolled onto his back he saw missile after missile slamming into the creature's side. The sound it made was ghastly, and he wished it wasn't necessary for the thing to suffer… until he realized it wasn't really wounded at all. What kind of genetic building blocks was a Goomboid made out of that it could withstand such a beating?

As it rounded on Wendus, clacking its mandibles together, Mario let loose a few bursts of energy from his cannon to distract it. His cheap tactic worked; being fired upon by two aggressors at the same time was a bit too much for its rudimentary brain. After a few seconds, it seemed to decide Wendus was the larger threat – which Mario tried not to feel offended about – and pelted toward her, but she had already charged up another Super Missile Bill and rammed it down the thing's gullet.

The mess was spectacular in its repulsiveness. "Looks like a jar of jelly threw up all over this room," he remarked.

"Yep," Wendus sighed. She bent over, resting her hands on her knees. "Whew… oh man, I hate those things."

"I think I do, too. Now."

Just as she was straightening up again, a few Space Plumbers came crashing through a nearby window with their arms windmilling, ready to decapitate anyone. After the Goomboid, it was like stomping on palmetto bugs; neither of them broke a sweat. Of course, they were already sweating plenty from the previous battle, so whether or not their glands had produced fresh moisture made little difference – or at least, Mario knew he was. He couldn't be sure if a Yozo-Koopan hybrid even had sweat glands.

"Right," said a now-irate Wendus. "I've had just about enough of The Research Lab From Helios. Let's go find Birdley while we can walk under our own power."

"Roger. By the way, I've been wondering-"

"Oh, this should be good," she muttered.

"Can these crazy gorilla suits walk by themselves? There's wires and servos and stuff running through every last inch. What would happen if, say, some computer virus took over the suit and it turned on you?"

Wendus let out a bark of laughter. "Let's hope we never have to find out."

Through the broken window they climbed, down to a lower level, across a catwalk and through a large hatch in the floor, blasting their way through hordes of space scum and trying not to wince when sprays of said scum ended up on their persons. After this, they found themselves in a shadowy tunnel beneath the base, and all was quiet.

"Don't trust it," she told him firmly, as if reading his mind. "I bet we'll find a welcoming committee at the other end of this tunnel."

"Yes, thank you," he retorted sourly. "Geez, like I've never walked into a trap before."

The room at the end did contain a welcoming committee, but it was only a handful of Space Plumbers, most of them scientists judging by their clothing (if Mario could truly trust his observations). As they stared around at the walls, working their way downstairs, he shuddered; almost every tank had one of those Goomboids in it. One of the others held something that looked suspiciously like a Tryclyde.

"What do you think that is in the center?"

Turning his attention to the enormous tank, he shrugged. "I dunno, looks like liquid metal. But it's… I can't decide what color it is. Gold, or silver? It keeps changing or something."

"I see red," she whispered. "Sometimes. This is unlike anything I've ever encountered."

"This might be that Trizon crap they keep gushing about," Mario guessed reasonably.

"Hmm, might just." She put her hands on her hips. "Damn. I honestly thought we'd find Birdley down here in the Research Core, but it looks like this is a dead end."

"That's what _you _think – and you're right!"

The last voice came from Mario, but not really; it actually came from outside them, from speakers in the corners of the room. After a moment of confusion, Wendus turned to him and demanded, "How did you hack the audio in here? You have got to be the most electronically-fumbling human I've ever met."

"I didn't," he protested, holding up both hands. "Honest!"

"Have fun," the voice that was Mario but was not Mario said again – just as the power went out.

"SLAG." Wendus sighed, reaching up to her visor. "Well, maybe if I turn on infrared, we- AAIGH!"

"_Wendus!__"_ Mario desperately turned this way and that, but it did him little good; the room was black as tar and, as she had so cruelly pointed out, he didn't have the first idea how to switch to any other settings on his visor. "Wendus, can you hear me? What happened?"

"The button – on the left-hand side of your helmet!" she gasped in a voice that did not at all sound like it was having fun. "In and down!"

Something brushed past his arm cannon, knocking him over. Desperate to at least know what was going on around him, he did as she commanded, and instantly his vision switched to shadowy, bluish outlines… with a few red and orange shapes advancing on both him and the nearby prone orange shape of Wendus. He could only tell which one happened to be his friend because of her tail.

More orange splotches were leaking onto the floor from where he guessed her abdomen to be. That didn't bode well.

Mario switched his commlink from private to broadcast and uttered a yodeling Tarzan shout, and everyone in the room looked over at him. Satisfied that he had done his part to distract them, he then began to fire blast after blast into their midst, keeping them away from Wendus. Every once in a while she found the strength to raise her own arm and fire a Super Missile Bill at one, but mostly Mario was forced to dispatch them all on his lonesome.

Just as the last Space Plumber fell, the Goomboids came. One by one, they broke free of their powered-down tanks and charged the two heroes, and several times Mario came close to losing an arm to one of those vile maws. One of them managed to latch onto Wendus when he was distracted by three others, and he was horrified to see it sank its tusks into her suit, seemingly _feeding_ on her. Panicked, he leapt to the air and stomped on it, and it sped away angrily before doubling back to bear down on him.

Another Super Missile Bill converted it into smithereens. It was around the same time Mario figured out how to fire his own missiles that the tide began to turn; with both of them whipping out the heavy artillery, soon the Goomboids were a distant memory and they were alone in the room of midnight.

"Wendy," he whispered as he dropped to all fours, brushing his hand along her stomach. "Oh man…"

"There," she grunted painfully. "I… I helped you get 'em. They're a… Leopardian omelet now…"

"Hang in there, okay? I'll… I'll call for help, I'll find something that-"

"No, you won't. There's nobody within a lightyear to call. Besides, way down here the… signal wouldn't penetrate, and all my… medical equipment is in the ship. Sorry, tenderfoot, but it… looks like you're going it alone from here on in."

"Forget that! I… isn't there some kind of emergency thingy in the suit, at the very least a cold compress?"

Wendus grunted. "There's a… liquid bandage that hardens on contact, but I… I don't think it'll do anything for me b-but… delay the inevitable."

"Then we're gonna delay it. What do I do?"

She told him, and he followed her directions, flipping open a small panel on the back of the arm cannon and manually retracting a release valve that sprayed an odd, gooey sap all over the hole in her lower torso. Then he hoisted her up into his arms, fascinated that it didn't require much effort; the suit really did beef up his natural strength by a factor of five, at least.

"You're a fool," she growled over their commlink. "All this will get you is a brief line in the obituaries of a few interstellar news BBSes."

"I'll have to take that chance, then."

A few auto-defense drones barred their way when they reentered the icy tunnel, and the two of them just managed to disable them without Mario dropping his rescuee. It was extremely slow going, but they met no resistance all the way back through the research lab, and only one Space Plumber dared attack them once they left. At the door, he said, "Okay, guide me."

She pointed with a weak limb and off he went at a fast trot. "You… you really are an ignoramus."

"Thanks, I get that a lot."

Neither of them spoke again until they reached the Red Pearl, both of them having taken only minor damage – a miracle, considering she was injured, and he was handicapped because he was carrying her. Even in her state, she still did the lion's share of keeping the wildlife at bay.

"Okay, I'm taking this funky bandage off – how do I get it off?"

"Hang on – go in the other room real quick."

Mario frowned at her as he laid her across the cot in her quarters. "This is no time to decide you're shy."

"I don't want you to get hurt," she told him with an icy stare once he had taken off her helmet. "Just… go, it won't take long."

"How long?"

"You'll know."

Grimacing further, he strode from the room and shut the door, whipping off his own helmet as he went. Then he heard several _CLANGS_ from the other side, and rushed back in to find her lying amidst a few pieces of armor but mostly un-suited.

"What did… I don't know-"

"Emergency eject," she whispered. "It's supposed to be in case the suit is… malfunctioning, especially life support, since then I can breathe the natural environment. I had you leave because I… not only didn't want you to hear the code, but also the blast caps might have sent a shin-guard straight into your face."

"Okay," he sighed impatiently as he figured out how to get rid of his arm cannon, then lightly touched the fabric of her zero-suit near the wound – and tried not to hear the wetness in her gasp of pure agony. "S-so what do I do now?"

"You should have left me behind," she snapped angrily, trying to swat his hand away – except that she no longer had the strength to do so. "You can't really save me, not in… the condition I'm in. It's… this is hopeless. What in Rosetta were you thinking?"

"You didn't leave me behind on Delfebes. Now, walk me through this or I'll just start sewing you up with a needle and thread."

Her lip curled. "How barbaric. Okay, there… there's a… " She cleared her throat, almost as if trying to focus her mind with the action. "Reach under the sink in the lavatory and pull out the metal box with the red lid."

For the next five minutes, he followed her every command, cutting away the bloodied fabric of her zero-suit from around the wound and using a solvent to dispose of the liquid bandage. Once he had purged the wound of foreign bacteria and venom, he asked her what to do next, but she was mumbling to herself and staring off into the corner.

"Get a grip!" he hissed, grasping either side of her face. The hand that had been in the arm cannon and was now without glove noted that she was clammy to the touch, but then again he wasn't sure how Koopan women normally felt anyway. "Look at me!"

"Wha?" she mumbled, eyes glazed over. "I… my grades are fine… no, Commander Malkovich, I'm not sneaking off-base, what… why would you think I…"

"WENDUS!"

Her eyes focused on him – or they almost did. A deep sorrow pulled at the corners of her mouth. "Toadam… I'm sorry, Reishian is…"

"How do I fix the big friggin' hole in your belly?"

"C-cell… regenerator," she told him, picking it up herself and bending at the waist, as if she could no longer feel the gaping wound in it. "Here you go, Toadam… happy b-birthday…"

Shrugging, he pushed her back down on the table, but her tail shot out and ensnared his arm, stopping him from getting to work. "Dammit, Wendy-!"

"Don't let them dissect me," she whispered. "It's just Yozo DNA, I'm not a freak, I… I'm not a lab animal!"

"Lay down and I'll keep you safe," he invented rashly, peeling her tail from around his wrist. "Just… just think about your mother."

That seemed to finally do the trick; a blissful-yet-wistful look came over her as she reclined on the bed, staring directly at the ceiling. After a few bungled attempts, he got the small device to emit a greenish light, which he directed into her abdomen. It astounded him when she began to glow, and even moreso when he saw muscle and flesh and organs regrow before his very eyes. There was still an ugly gash left behind when it quit working, but he frantically unearthed another one with fresh batteries in the kit; apparently it took quite a lot of juice to re-knit bones and sinew.

Once she was whole, Mario bounced into the kitchen and dug around until he unearthed some kind of vitamin supplement in a squeeze tube. By shooting this into Wendus's mouth and chasing it with a glass of water, he got her reflexes and muscle memory to swallow it. It was all he could think to do now that the puncture had been repaired; he was reasonably sure that reptiles didn't have the same blood type as humans, so a transfusion wasn't going to work too well. Some kind of nourishment would be needed to fuel her recovery, wouldn't it?

He sat holding a silent vigil by her bedside for a long while, unsure whether or not he should be contacting anyone or sending up a distress flare – or cloaking their ship, or taking off for parts unknown. Since he couldn't decide on the wisest action in this unfamiliar sea of stars, he decided going to ground posed the least amount of variables; if the Space Plumbers came gunning for them, at least he knew he could probably keep them at bay. Everything else was a great big question mark. Nevermind that he was positive that if – not _if_, but _when_, he had to tell himself _when_ – Wendus awoke, she would probably fillet him upon finding out that he'd abandoned the search for her archenemy. No, it was much smarter to stay put.

Mario was on his way from her bunk to his when he heard the beeping. It was coming from the cockpit. Glancing around, as if waiting for someone to tell him to press the flashing button, he did it anyway.

"Hello?" a worried voice said. "Why don't they answer? Goodness, this is worse than I feared... Toadsworth, have Bob ready a gondola; I'd like to board the _Parasol_ as soon as it-"

"Hello?"

There was a brief silence from the radio, then a quiet, "Mario of Brooklyn? Is that you?"

"Might be," he said warily. "Who's this?"

"Thank the _stars!_" the voice blurted, then cleared its throat. "When Professor Gadd mentioned your monitor had stopped transmitting, I assumed the worst, I... tell me, how are you and the Space Hunter, is everything all right?"

"Princess- I m-mean, Chancellor Peachpittine?"

"Yes, yes!" she went on breathlessly, relief evident in her voice. "Of course it is! How many other worried politicians have you met on this end of the wormhole?"

"But you... I mean, forgive me for sounding rude, but what are you doing calling me? How'd you even know where to reach me? Somehow I don't think Wendus has her number listed in the Yellow Pages."

"Regardless of what color pages you use in your world, a supreme chancellor has access to the IP address of everyone in the Federation; or, well, the Galactic Police do, and I practically own the police. Can you shed any light on the reason behind your communications blackout?"

Mario brushed against his chest and saw that it was true; at some point he had misplaced Gadd's LoJack. "The doohickey got lost in the shuffle, I guess. Sorry, I didn't drop off the face of the universe on purpose."

"How careless of you," she reprimanded him before sighing again. "I'm sorry, but... well, I was worried. It's not because you ran into any trouble, is it?"

"Well, now that you mention it..."

By the time Mario had finished filling in the chancellor on their intrepid exploration and subsequent near-annihilation, at least half an hour had ticked by, possibly more. As previously, this universe's answer to Princess Toadstool proved a captive audience, hanging on his every word. When he finished up with hearing the console beeping to signal that she was trying to contact the Red Pearl, it took her a few seconds to come out of her reverie.

"Well," she gusted, obviously having been thinking hard. "Trizon, you say? I'll pass that along to Gadd, see what he and his boys make of it. In the meantime... are you certain you won't abort your mission? This Oran woman is critically injured. Shouldn't you be speeding off to the nearest orbiting station with a sick bay?"

Mario rolled his eyes. "Probably, but if I did that and she got better, she'd never forgive me for abandoning that creep Birdley's trail."

"Birdley," she repeated, and he conjured up a mental image of her shivering. "I've seen his picture on the most-wanted broadcasts... a fearsome brute. You've really encountered him up close and personally?"

"Believe me, Majesty, that's not the kinda thing a guy forgets."

There came an impatient tutting over the airwaves. "I told you not to call me 'majesty', I'm not a queen. It... makes me uncomfortable to referred to as such, as I have taken great pains to see that the citizens of this federation are not being ruled over like they're nothing more than ants." A slight pause. "Perhaps it has still become so, but I've tried."

"Hey, I didn't mean-"

"Please do check in with us again," she cut him off, apparently just as uncomfortable with his apology. "With Professor Gadd, or myself; this frequency will always be monitored by one of my receptionists. Do not forget that the good doctor is not the _only _one with a vested interest in your well-being." A second passed before she added in a quiet voice, "I also wish you to return safe and sound."

His mouth went dry as he again struggled to decide exactly _how_vested her interest in him was. There was no way in space that she had feelings for him, was there? "Chancellor…"

"Aren't you supposed to be calling me something else?" she reprimanded him playfully. "One might think your mind already succumbing to old age, despite your youthful exuberance."

"Leena," he half-laughed. "Allright, allright. And I swear, I'll try not to trip and break my own neck anytime soon if I can help it."

"See that you don't… Mario."

-o-o-o-o-

Dreams plagued the mustached man once he was finally able to drop off, and none of them pleasant. Giant amalgamations of all the vile creatures they had encountered towered over him, and they continued to grow bigger and bigger… or was he getting smaller? Worst of all, Wendus was nowhere to be seen, and though he and Ligu Marius fought valiantly, they knew eventually the sheer numbers would overwhelm them… and that Peachpittine would never be able to make him her First Lord in the grand ceremony she had been looking forward to for weeks and weeks. All that careful preparation, down the commode!

"Toadam…"

Mario's eyes fluttered open, and though there was a dreamlike quality in the room, he instinctively knew he had crossed back into the waking realm. Cheeks blushing from the role the supreme chancellor had taken on during his dream, he sat up and immediately froze.

A shape loomed over him in the darkness. But he had locked the hatch, he was sure of it! He tensed, ready to spring into action, but then it lowered itself onto his bed. Instinctively, he reached out and pushed the figure away, wishing he'd curled up with that crazy arm cannon just in case something like this happened... and only now sobering up enough to make the logical conclusion that it was probably Wendus.

"Toadam," she mumbled again, and when he tapped the small reading-slash-emergency light over his cot he saw that it was Wendus after all, and her eyes were closed. Gulping, he reached up and pushed his fingers against her throat, but he couldn't feel any pulse; it took a few more (frantic) movements before he located where the vein was in a Koopan, and then he realized he had no idea how fast it was supposed to be throbbing and moved his hand back to her shoulder so he could shake her more properly.

"Hey, Miss Oran, wake up!"

"Toadam, please…" Then her eyes did open, and they were so glazed-over and unfocused that he wasn't sure what to make of it. With a slight squirm, he pressed his ear into her chest – ignoring what was on either side of his head – and listened to her heart and lungs as best he could. The beating was erratic, the breathing labored. Maybe she was out of the woods, but not quite home safe.

"Come on," he whispered, chivvying her out the door. "Back to bed."

"Okay, Mommy," she mumbled, and it was almost impossible to guide her to her bed due to how badly she was stumbling. "Mommy, I… I had a scary dream…"

"Yeah, I'll bet. Let's get you tucked back in."

Once she was on her cot, he found the blanket on the floor and drew it over her, stroking her hair gently. As he was about to leave, her tail shot out again and clamped onto his shoulder, and once it had drawn him close enough her hands followed, grasping around the back of his neck.

"Don't go, Daddy," she whispered feverishly. "Stay by me, I… I'm so afraid, what are they going to do to us?"

"Shh," he soothed, fighting both the instinct to protect her and to run away from this incredibly weird development. "Everything's going to be fine."

"But I'm dying, I… and Mommy's gone, where did Mommy go?" Her voice was getting weaker, even though her grip remained firm. "I love you, Daddy, don't leave, don't blow it up, I heard what you told the others…"

"Shhh," he repeated, crawling into the cot next to her and trying not to freak out. "I'm not leaving, I'll stay right here, I... it's okay, little Wendus."

"Mmh," she muttered, dropping her head onto his chest. After that, she did not move again, only made small noises and clutched his shirt when he tried to push her away so he could go back to his own bed.

It took a few minutes for Mario to get used to it, but then he thought it was kind of nice. When was the last time he slept with _anybody _curled up next to him? He didn't have any idea. Maybe he and his brother in the same crib when they were tiny babies, or in his mother's arms. Every time he stroked her hair, the little noises sounded their appreciation. When it hit him all at once that his comforting her might be the one thing that helps her recuperate from the horrifying trauma inflicted upon her by the Space Plumbers and Goomboids, he knew there was no way he could leave.

Sometimes, everybody needed a moment of weakness, and they usually couldn't manufacture it all on their own. They needed someone to give it to them.

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: Sorry about the bad Flock Of Seagulls pun in the title. So Mario has to save the big bad Space Hunter. How do you like them apples? And I know the ending was kind of "sexy" but it's not really supposed to be, I mostly meant it to be kind of "awwww" instead. Whatever, I still like how it turned out. See you in a few!<p> 


	9. Forced Reboot

- Chapter 9: Forced Reboot -

When a random fit made Mario smack himself in the face with his own hand, it was readily apparent that his time to catch a few winks had reached an end. How long had he been out? Shrugging, he rolled over to jump into his shoes and go ask Princess Toadstool if there were any plumbing jobs lined up-

And came face-to-face with a peeved Wendus Oran.

Faster than lightning, all of his recent exploits barged through his mind and brought him up to speed. He was on the _Red__Pearl_, far from his tiny hut in the rolling hills of the Mushroom Kingdom, and had spent the night sleeping next to the most ruthless Space Hunter in the Fungalactic Federation. The look on her face said she had no love for the idea.

"Now listen-"

"I'm going to give you exactly three words, human," she said, examining the claws on her left hand in a would-be casual manner. "Tell me what transpired. Tell me how I woke up with you in my bunk."

"I need four."

There was a pronounced twitch. "Okay, I'll bite. What can you tell me in _four_ words that will save you from an impromptu vasectomy?"

Gulping, he yanked at the neckline of his shirt before whispering, "You made me stay."

"I made- _I _made you stay? I don't think so, fleshbag, no way in Helios!" When he didn't respond, only raising his eyebrows expectantly, she grunted, "Fine, you can have more than four words now, but this had better be well worth my time or so help me-"

"You were, uh... I d-don't know, it was like you were hopped up on drugs or something," he began, realizing with some alarm that they were both still in the bed; she hadn't moved from the spot, waiting for him to awaken so she could ambush him with the evidence. She really was a hunter, wasn't she? "You sleepwalked into my room and woke me up, calling me Toadam, and then Mommy and Daddy, and then you-"

"I did not," she breathed in disbelief. "Stop making shiitake up; I never even called _my _father that."

"But you did!"

"Okay, whatever, it's beside the point," she snapped. "And then?"

"Then I tried to tuck you in again, but you were, uh, all clingy. You got some mighty strong muscles in that tail of yours, you know that?" When a death glare was her only response, he wilted further and went on. "So I figured I might as well lie down if you weren't going to let me go back to my own quarters. I swear, that's the whole story. Newsworthy, huh?"

Wendus did not move – or even _blink_ – for several seconds as she debated the validity of his little narrative. Then she turned away with a weary sigh and ran a hand through her blond tresses. "I believe you. I've heard... not that I've been pierced directly by one before, but I've _heard _the venom that flows through the tusks of Goomboids has psychotropic effects. Ethologically, it's to disorient prey in case they escape, to keep them bumbling around and confused so they can easily be recaptured."

"Thanks for the science lesson, Dr. Beakman."

Even the sneer she shot him was half-hearted. "Apparently it's true. I don't remember any of what you described. I must have done things, said things to you that... I would appreciate you not repeating. Not that I can truly keep you from doing so, but, uh... I..."

"Listen," Mario said, her awkwardness making him feel awkward as well, "don't flip out. I mean, so what if you kinda spilled more than you meant? It wasn't your fault – and it's not my fault for hearing any of it, so let's keep that part in mind, too! And, uh, well... let's just forget the whole thing ever happened, okay?"

"I woke up with my head on your shoulder." There, for the first time, he saw actual embarrassment – not just regret or anger or annoyance. Clearing her throat, she drew her knees up to her chin self-consciously and whispered, "I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused."

"You saved my life, too," he reminded her. "We're even stevens now, or something."

"No," she whispered. When he didn't speak again – but didn't move, either – she eventually went on, "No, I owe you my life. The rescue on Delfebes? Borne out of convenience; you were already there, I didn't have to go out of my way. Just as easy to throw you a bone as not. But _you_ deliberately crippled your chances of escaping the base with your life just to drag my fat out of the fire. No matter how many times I told you I was beyond saving, you didn't give up on me. Stupid, and foolhardy, but you didn't give up."

"Come on, it's not like I-"

"I've been treating you like excrement," she bit out angrily, staring down at and through the bedclothes. "Ever since I first met you, not once did I willingly adopt even a semblance of civility. True, you can be a pain in the tail almost without even trying, but… but obviously you're not such a bad egg if you're willing to get yourself killed saving somebody whose death is almost guaranteed. How do I… I mean, how does _anybody _start to make up for-"

"There were perks," he began recklessly, not sure why he was doing what he was doing since he had been thoroughly enjoying her apology and listening to her brain reorganize itself into not hating his guts. Perhaps that was it; it was such an unusual display from the ornery woman that it felt wrong and dirty. Besides, he had never been the type of guy to let somebody gush over his achievements or favors.

"Yeah?" The look on her face was still as hollow as before.

"Your, uh, 'morph balls' are softer than they look." A tiny twitch of her eyelid encouraged him, so he pressed his luck even further. "Plus, let's not forget that I got away with calling you 'Wendy' over and over for an entire night. And when you climbed into bed with me, _whoo __doggies-_"

"Enough!" she barked. "Get out of my bunk before I kick you out!"

The hindclaw pressing gently against his back threatened to send him to the floor before he was ready, so he hopped to his feet and yelped, "Okay, okay, I'm goin'! Geez…"

"Damn right you are." And Mario suddenly found himself at a point where he somehow understood Wendus Oran even less than he had previously, because as she stood he felt lips brush his cheek – softly, almost like the whisper of a ghost – before she strode to the door. "I wonder if I have any messages…"

Dazedly, Mario rejoined her in the cockpit about five minutes later, when his head stopped whirling around on its shoulders. He wasn't sure if he should be nauseated or thrilled to death, so he settled on feeling loopy for a while.

"Of course," she was grumbling. "Just my luck."

"What-" he coughed to keep his voice from squeaking, then said, "What is it?"

"Only the cushiest gig in the universe: escorting Johanna McCannon from her moon home to the Annual Arts Festival on Masquarden Two. Babysit a rich brat with a golden throat for two hours, keep any rabid fans from beating her up or tearing her dress off, and net yourself enough to take a month-long vacation."

"Who?"

"Johanna McCannon." At his blank look, she raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Unanimously voted the hottest, most eligible bachelorette in all of Rosetta by every e-zine across the web, even beating out your beloved Peachpittine and superstar actress Suzuka Valentine? She wrote that hit song 'Heartbreak Norfair' that's been saturated across every streaming radio station in the galaxy for six weeks straight? Wow, glance at a news feed once in a while."

"Sorry for not being up on all the hip culture of a _parallel __dimension_," he shot at her, face growing warmer - even though it was still warm from the brief show of gratitude the icy warrioress had sprung on him moments before. "I've been a little busy trying to keep both you and myself alive!"

"Should have known I'd be entrenched in some dirty assignment like this one when a cakewalk is posted – and even if I abandoned my search for Birdley here and now, it's already been snapped up. Jenosa gets all the good jobs…"

Mario nodded as if he understood what in God's name she was talking about. "Right. So, in all the hubbub I forgot to ask… how are you feeling?"

Wendus blinked as if she had forgotten he was there, then nodded, averting her eyes. "Better than I expected to by a long shot. Every damn rib feels bruised, that's for sure, but... it could have been the end. I'm not that blind."

"You sure? You don't need a follow-up?"

"Mm." She passed one claw over the ragged hole in her zero-suit, and Mario was startled to realize she had no navel in the midst of those scaly rock-hard abs. Then he felt a flash of chagrin toward himself that he had expected to see one on a reptilian body in the first place; weren't they born from eggs? "This age we live in… I have no scar, not even a blemish. Medkits with miracles in them on every spaceworthy vessel."

"Wendus… are you okay upstairs?" When outraged eyes snapped up to him, he backtracked. "I m-mean, not that I'm saying you went schizo, but that… well, you went through a heck of a lot last night. You sure it's wise to keep gunning for that giant purple freak?"

Eyes now defrosting, she leaned against the bulkhead and folded her arms over her chest. "Not that I don't understand why you would ask me that, but no, I have to do this. No one else will, and it needs to be done one way or another. However…"

"However?"

A slow smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. "If… _if _you happened to have a few more food items from the market on Mushroombus, I wouldn't say 'no' to a quick meal before we head out. Have to keep our strength up, anyway, don't we?"

Mario's smile echoed hers. "Let's see what we can scrounge up."

-o-o-o-o-

Over a light breakfast – or lunch, depending on what planetary rotations you were using to mark the passage of time – Mario mentioned Chancellor Peachpittine's communications. Wendus expressed more surprise at how attached the head of the Senate seemed to be to some intergalactic drifter – even though Mario kept the tail end of their communication to himself. No need for her to know he was of the opinion that Peachpittine might be "overly fond" of him, especially since he expected her to laugh in his face at the very idea.

"It worries me."

"Everything worries you," he scoffed, and she made a mocking face at him as she poured herself more of that mildly-sweet drink of hers. "Okay, okay, tell me what's got your goat."

"The supreme chancellor seems to have this weird fixation on you, as if she thinks there's something she can get from you." Her lip curled. "Let's assume it's not something that'll send me to the latrine for a few hours. What is it? Does she think you might be able to lead her to your dimension?"

"I wish," he grumbled. "If I actually had a way back home, I wouldn't care one bit if Peachpittine came along for the ride. It'd be a pretty reasonable price tag."

Wendus sighed as she picked at her salad. Aside from the usual crumbled feta and lightly-sweet dressing, it also had both strips of peppered steak and sparse amounts of prosciutto mixed in with the greens, and though she had turned up her nose at the notion of a "froofy salad" at first she had quickly changed her mind after tasting it. "That's what troubles me: why? Why would she even want to? Here, she's a well-respected leader who commands entire fleets of ships, who has everything she could possibly want. There, she would be a nobody, like you."

"You have got to stop flattering me like this," he said sarcastically. "I might get the idea you have a crush on me."

"You know what I meant; a nobody like you are _in __this __universe_. In your universe, or at least the one you most recently inhabited, you're a hero." Then she frowned. "Something's been bothering me about you being here, too; we already have a Dr. Marius, and since you told me his brother looks like your brother, and I look like this evil reprobate sweetheart of yours, I should think it's safe to say everybody here has a doppelganger in your world."

Mario grimaced. "With you so far."

"Shouldn't it… okay, so I'm a pretty substandard theorist, but shouldn't your presence here create some kind of imbalance? There are _two _Marios here now, and no Marios there. That has to screw with something."

Shrugging, he buttered another roll. "Don't look at me, I got no clue."

"Hmm…"

They were largely silent while finishing their meal. Afterward, they both enjoyed a quick shower and change, then donned their Power-Up Suits… only to see that a few repairs were in order.

"This will slow us down," Wendus lamented, poking into her own stomach through the gaping hole in her armor. "Okay, off with the metal, let's get to work."

"I didn't even know we had a blacksmith room in this bucket," Mario said as they doffed their helmets.

"I can have this 'bucket' synthesize replacement parts from a scan of the remainder. To be candid with you, I'd say less than thirty percent of my suit is original after all these years of blasting and tail-kicking."

While waiting for the computer to run its "fix this broken crap" program, Mario and Wendus found themselves sitting around on top of the ship, unsure of what else they might be doing. It was pure foolishness to go any further than that without heavy artillery and defenses, but on the other hand, they were feeling listless. She had been sitting in the lotus position for the past several minutes with her eyes closed while he watched idly, wondering what might be running through her head.

Therefore, despite her peaceful state, eventually Mario turned to her and said, "Say, Wendus…" Waiting for her to answer proved pointless, so he went on, "What _do_ you remember? From last night."

"Oh, I don't know… not much."

"Just wondering."

Thoughtfully, she drew one knee up under her chin but left the other one dangling over the edge of her ship. "Well… it all seems like dreams now, but yes, you were there briefly. And my parents. Lots of pretty, pretty lights and flying bananas… typical dream fare."

"Maybe we should be siphoning off Goomboid venom and selling it on the streets; sounds like it packs a real punch."

A reserved chuckle. "Careful you don't say that too loud or someone will probably do just that. Everybody's out to grab some commercial or political gain from anything they can exploit. That's why my parents were killed in the first place; power plays. It was easy to kill them, and all so those bastards could gain a foothold in their colony. A springboard to the rest of the solar system."

"I am sorry," he said with more seriousness than he normally used in a year's time. "I don't envy your life at all, it… God."

"Thought we already decided to shelve the sympathy," she said with a wry grin. "Back when I tried to thank you for making sure I didn't bite my own tongue last night. It's something only Toadam-"

When she cut herself off, tense and perfectly immobile, he lowered his voice in the hopes his question would seem less forward that way. "Who was he to you?"

"He was none of your business, that's who he was."

Mario nodded, absentmindedly taking his red cap out of his pocket and shaking it out; the wrinkles would take months to get out when – _if_– he got back to his own world. "You said he's the only one who gets to call you 'Wendy'. Must have been pretty high up in your pecking order."

She glanced at him nervously, as if caught in a lie. No, much worse – as if caught in a _truth_. "Maybe so. That's… beside the point now. I'm not on their payroll anymore, am I?"

"Their? The cops?" A flicker of understanding blazed through his brain. "You also mentioned a Commander Malkovich last night."

"You don't seem to be bright enough to quit while you're ahead," she said with a bemused – and slightly ominous – smile. One that brought a premature end to their conversation.

Soon thereafter, they were back in their robotic sleeves and trekking across the surface of Mallow IV again, kicking at ruins and casting about for any signs of intelligent life. Mario thought with giddy glee that he had just spent an entire night snuggled up against King Koopa's spawn. Definitely something to write home about… if he had any way of sending a message through dimensional barriers.

As they ducked through a tunnel, he idly watched Wendus's tin-plated tail undulate and wondered if Bowser really had been her father in this reality, too. Maybe he had a different name, like she did, but was he the same red-haired tyrant? Or was his personality drastically different like almost every friend he'd been re-introduced to since tripping that rift into Never-Never Land? It really was the stuff of Sir Barrie; the children's father turned out to be the same actor as Captain Hook, and so on; two sides of the same coin. Maybe the Bowser Koopa of Rosetta had been a little crazy and laughed a gravelly laugh, but had been a decent guy instead of a villain. Or maybe he had been a completely different person altogether, like Wendus.

"Whoa…"

"Yeah," Wendus agreed as they gazed at the giant, twisted metal object presently jutting out of the body of water. "Whoa."

It took Mario a few moments for it to register, and Wendus was already wading into the water when he hissed, "It's the frigate, isn't it? The _Ostreon_."

"It is."

"We're not really gonna swim down there," he laughed.

"We're not?" she asked, clearly almost out of patience with him (as always). "Why, pray tell, wouldn't we?"

"Because it's underwater. We're wearing giant iron lungs, which means we'll sink like giant rocks in a giant fish tank, never to rise again."

"Engage your gravity protocol," she sighed impatiently. "If the Power-Up Suit had an instruction manual, I'd chuck it straight at your face."

In they went. Again he marveled at how different she was from her Kingdom counterpart. Both carried perpetual bad attitudes, but they bloomed upward from different soil; Wendy was bratty and spoiled and demanded everything be served to her on a silver platter, whereas Wendus simply didn't have the time to deal with small annoyances and tried to dispatch them as quickly as possible. The bite of caustic wit tended to accomplish that goal expediently.

And – dare he say it, even in the safety of his own mind? There was some kind of terrible beauty to this version of the Koopaling. At first glance, he always saw the face of a Koopa and his instinct was to run away, closely followed by the instinct to attack her before she had the chance. However, looking closer revealed that it was only because he'd trained himself to recognize her as an enemy; the face itself was in no way frightening. In fact, it held this silent, severe attractiveness that he admired. She wasn't "cute" exactly, but she was noble. She would probably crucify him if she ever heard him say as much, though, so he didn't.

Mario was determinedly keeping his mind away from dwelling on her thank-you kiss when he felt something thud into his helmet. "Ow- AAIGH!"

"Hush," she said as she helped push the debris away from him. "It's just a dead Space Plumber, it can't hurt you now."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Heart still in his throat, he snapped, "Why are we in here, anyway? What's the point?"

"I'm not sure either," she sighed. "We hit a wall with the Research Core. I thought checking out the ship might help us, but with the whole thing water-logged…"

"Hey, it might still. You never know unless you go, right?"

A light chuckle carried over the airwaves. "You trying to console me, plumber? Soothe my wounded pride?"

"Sure; I'll soothe you all over if you got some body oils back at the ship."

"Right!" she laughed with something that closely resembled actual mirth. "I'd _love_ to see you try that, flyboy. I really, _really_ would."

"Wow, didn't realize you were in such dire need of a massage."

"Every Space Hunter is, but that's not what I meant and you know it. I'd have your arm fractured in five places before you even revved up your tapotement, Mr. Grabby Hands."

"Don't doubt it. Still, if you ever change your- WATCH YOURSELF!"

For once, Mario was the one to catch sight of danger before Wendus could; a trio of Space Plumbers equipped with aquatic gear were headed straight for them, looking anything but welcoming. Praying their otherworldly armaments would be equally effective underwater as on land, he fired, and was not disappointed – though the Ice Beam merely froze a large amount of water directly in front of the nozzle and sent it floating upward. He switched to missiles, and a few tense moments later they were once again alone in the briny deep.

"Fun," he panted.

"Barrels of it. Let's make ourselves scarce before more converge on a distress signal or something."

A few doors later and the pair found themselves poking around in the room where they had fought the mutated abomination when the ship was still operational. It did not bring back fond memories for either of them and the floating cadavers of Space Plumbers didn't help matters, so they quickly moved on.

"Damn," she bit out, slamming her fist against the panel. "Dead. This cargo lift will _not_ be reaching the top floor anytime soon."

As they broke through the side and began to ascend the elevator shaft under their own power, Mario said, "I'm worried about something."

"I thought you were leaving all the worrying up to me."

"Ha. No, really – it's about this Birdley character."

Wendus let out a slightly less-amused gust. "Go on."

"You say you've fought him like, a jillion times, half-killed him or _really _killed him, and he keeps coming back. So… what's your plan when we _do _catch up with him?"

"Guess I don't have much of one."

"Why do I not find that reassuring?"

"Look," she snapped, "how about instead of bellyaching about my lack of foresight, you could try to come up with some strategies of your own? Don't you think that would be more productive?"

"Maybe," he hedged. Ahead of him, he saw her actually throw up her hands as if tossing him over her shoulder and out of sight. "Excuse me for asking, Your Worship."

"I don't need to be worshipped," she whispered, as if he'd meant anything by his off-hand nickname. "I just need to see that monster on a cold, gray slab with his innards turned into _out-ards_."

In the next room, they had to remove a couple of gun turrets from existence, which saved Mario from having to respond to her chilling remark. In complete silence, they crossed the containment unit and the following research hall, and it was after this that Mario broke down and apologized.

"No," she cut him off. "I have to stop doing that. For some stupid reason, you and I are locked into this mission for the long haul. We watch each other's backs. I'm still treating you like a rookie and that's way out of line; for a chubby little man who spends all his time fighting with flowers, you actually learned the ropes of the suit with startling agency."

"I don't much care for your phrasing," Mario said, not letting on how pleased he was by her words. "That makes it sound like the flowers were being attacked by me, when-"

"Save it for somebody who gives a flying fungus, willya? We're outside the ship, in case you hadn't noticed."

They were indeed. At some point they had gone through what used to be an airlock and come out on the other side, once again in another musty underground chamber. Luminescent moss grew all over an enormous tree in the center of it, jutting up from the lake that served as the _Ostreon_'s final resting place. Without pause, Wendus began climbing.

"You coming or not?"

How could he argue with that? A few branches up, she said, "So… tell me a little more about your world."

"What's to tell?" he grunted. "This… this crazy mixed-up universe of yours is way more interesting than my little backwoods kingdom. We don't have… Cuisinarts that talk back and… interplanetary shuttle buses…"

"Not to somebody who's never lived in a backwoods kingdom. Holds a kind of comedic fascination." She cleared her throat. "You realize I'm only asking out of sheer boredom, right?"

"I did."

"Tell me about the other me."

Mario felt genuine surprise at that. She had gone to great lengths to avoid ever asking about the Wendy from his world – he supposed because it was unsettling to think about there being more than one of her, another being that was running around with the same face. Now here she was initiating a conversation on the topic, eagerly anticipating whatever he might tell her. "Well-"

"Wait. Are you getting this, too?"

See it he did; words flashing across the inside of his visor as they trotted through the door at the top of the tree's branches. "'Radiation Ahead.' What does it mean?"

"It probably means… that."

They both leaned over either side of the earthen bridge and gazed at the glowing bluish rocks below them. Not only did they crackle with visible electricity, but the suit readout again stated how lethal the unknown compound below them was.

"Should we be going down this way?" Mario asked quietly, silently willing the flashing red letters on his visor to stop frightening him needlessly.

"We have to. It's the only way we can go."

"That's a crock. There are plenty of other ways we could go that would involve less hair loss and blood-vomiting."

Wendus sighed. "Yes, but we haven't fully explored this path yet. Our suits will provide us with some shielding from the radiation, don't sully your shorts."

"Some? _Some_ shielding? What's the matter, did the full-shielding not come standard with this package, is it only available on the LX?"

Choosing not to answer him, Wendus tromped forward and blasted her way through another door, revealing an elevator. Gritting his teeth, Mario followed like a good little puppy and crossed his arms over his chestplate as they descended.

"Wow, looks like _I _got under _your _skin for once," Wendus chuckled.

"Shaddap, willya?"

"Listen..." She shifted restlessly as if someone had put itching powder in her boots. "Before we put the whole live-saving business on the last monorail to Quarksville, I wanted to thank you for... for something that I'd rather went without saying, but we live in a very dark, abysmal universe. Thank you for not, uh... taking advantage of my venom-addled state. You easily could have."

They were both quiet for several seconds, only the hum of the lift's motor filling the silence. Even behind the armor and helmet, it was obvious she was waiting for him to say something; perhaps reassure her that he'd never do something so unforgivable as that, but he didn't even want to keep thinking about that kind of thing happening to someone he considered a friend. Not for another _second_. Therefore, Mario coughed before whispering, "I... yeah. It's a pretty crappy universe where I come from, too, so... yeah."

"Brooklyn, or your current kingdom?"

"Brooklyn," he laughed. "King Koopa is the only perpetrator of vile crimes in Mushroom Land, and none of them are much worse than larceny and abduction. It's one of the many reasons me and Luigi stuck around after rescuing the Princess that first time. Mushroom Land may not be perfect, but it beats the terrible crime rate of New York City."

He could actually hear the grin in her next words. "A rustic paradise. Sounds like a nice place to forget all your troubles."

"Yeah, but... it's hanging on by a thread." With a sigh, he shrugged his shoulders as if ridding himself of a burden. "All it takes is Koopa getting his way and I bet everything would spiral out of control in no time. Right now all of his focus is on beating us, becoming the monarch by force, but once he's finished that long-term goal... where will he stop? Slave labor camps, casinos and brothels on every street corner?"

"Mm. Innocence lost is never something to celebrate."

"Still wanna know about the other you?"

"Not if she's related to this scumbag dictator of yours," Wendus sneered. "I think I'm probably better off swallowing my curiosity and living in ignorance."

As they trotted out of the elevator room and into the following tunnels, Mario had to reluctantly agree. What would he do if he ran into his un-heroic self here? He sincerely hoped he wouldn't be finding out.

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: Hey guys! Am I doing better now with posting regularly? REVIEW! To the PTK guy, no it's not that Metroid... this story is set before Wendus (I mean Samus lol) befriends one, which was in the game boy game. But yeah pretty much every Metroid game is better than the first one, and I always liked Super Metroid best. I thought Prime made for a better storyline for this fic though, so yeah. ANYWAY, a surprise visitor drops in on Mallow IV when GOOMBOID PRIME continues!<p> 


	10. The Good Ship Parasol

- Chapter 10: The Good Ship _Parasol_ -

"That's all we need."

Many chambers and lines of defense had passed between the elevator and this bitter phrase from between Wendus Oran's scaly lips. At present, she and Mario were staring through foot-thick glass at a few Goomboids that had been quarantined in the room, Space Plumbers on guard duty digging in their ear canals with their pincer-like appendages at hard-to-reach itches.

"Super Missile Bills?" Mario hissed.

"Better – we do nothing."

"Nothing? What kind of cockamamie plan is that?" But even as he asked, she crossed the room and interfaced with the computer. A moment later, Mario watched in grotesque amusement as the gravity-defying creatures floated free of their prisons and attacked the nearest living beings – the hapless sentries. The fight was brief and entirely one-sided, ending in the Goomboids turning their attention to the glass and battering themselves against it, eager for their next feeding.

"Now we get rid of them, too," she whispered as she charged up her weapon. "Obviously there was no point in wasting our ammo when we could pit them against each other, right?"

"R-right," Mario agreed shakily. "Let's make Goomboid pesto."

Soon thereafter, they yet again found themselves in an elevator, heading deeper into the crust of Mallow IV. As they stared out through the glass, marveling at the view of an enormous crater they were technically inside, Wendus asked, "How's your power levels? Holding?"

"I guess. Like I know how to interpret these readouts."

"This is getting tiresome, I'll admit. All of these installations and outposts, and Birdley isn't inside a single one of them. We're still in the area of his last known trajectory. What am I missing?"

"He could have taken off while we were underground," Mario reasoned. "Or he could be on the other side of this marble. There's no telling how much of this rock they've colonized. You're sure you don't have any way to track him down?"

"I wish," she growled. "No tracers. Once, quite a long time ago, I did actually get lucky enough to stick one on him, but pretty soon afterward he crippled my ship, and by the time I had been towed into the nearest spaceport…"

"He found the tracer and got rid of it? Figures." As they reached the end of the hallway, Mario grinned when he spotted the scenery of the connecting chamber. "Ahh, home sweet home."

"Really?" Wendus asked. _"__This _is where you're from?"

For a moment, Mario didn't reply, simply gazing around at the enormous blackish mushroom caps littered throughout the room. Each was shot through with glowing blue cracks, which were dissimilar from the large red-and-green spots he was used to; still, how could he deny the more-than-passing resemblance to the world he had so recently vacated?

"Careful," she whispered when he began to take a bold step forward, jerking him bodily from the edge. "More of that radioactive muck. Better to keep our distance from it if we can. Now, what were you saying about being born in a cave?"

"Nothing like that," he murmured as he swung his arms to generate a tiny bit of additional force that may carry him to the nearest saturnine, which was a pretty decent hop away. "Just... the giant 'shrooms are familiar landscape, that's all."

"You don't say." It was so deadpan that he couldn't be sure if she was thinking about it or merely displaying how unimpressed she was by this nugget of information. Either way, in the next second she was hurtling through the air overhead and the moment was gone.

A few more leaps and they were well on their way. One stray Goomboid turned in their direction, hopeful for a light snack, and was given a mouthful of Missile Bills for its trouble. About halfway through the room, Mario remarked, "Is it just me, or is it getting... darker?"

Wendus threw out her arm and caught him in the chest when they landed on the lip of a tunnel, then fired a beam into the black. Mario noted a brilliant flash before she said, "Okay, got it, whatever it was. Let's go."

"Tell me how to switch up this _vaffanculo_ visor again!"

"Dammit, can't you remember anything? In and down! I swear, you have the long-term memory of an unevolved Cheepanese, and if you knew- LOOK SHARP!"

On this occasion, both were ready for the Space Plumber's attack, and he was a smoking corpse before he even finished his battle cry. Without another word to each other, they tromped across the grates suspending them above the bottomless pit and shoved their way into the following room, which turned out to be yet another holding cell for something gone awry... and in this instance, the something was still there.

"Looks like trouble," Mario whispered.

"Yeah."

"You wanna stick around and find out just how high on the 'trouble' scale it rates?"

"Not so much."

But they had taken a heartbeat too long to make up their minds. A conical blue forehead, giving off the same ominous phosphorescence as the deadly substance they had been avoiding at every turn, slowly ground on its thick neck until it pointed two yellowed eyes in their direction. Spittle dripped from its vicious fangs as it focused on them, after which it roared.

"Holy ravioli!" Mario yelped, loosing a few blasts into its chest in the hopes they could catch it off-guard. Instead, nothing at all happened except that it began to move toward them.

"Smooth move," Wendus snapped as she strafed around it. The beast was actually yet taller than she was, even with the suit. By several feet. "All that did was _feed _it. What do you do for an encore, invite it back to your place for a nightcap?"

"Let's see you come up with something better!" he shouted as they hopped over a shockwave it had generated.

"I intend to!" The first missile merely glanced off, sending it staggering backward. The next blew off a chunk of its armor, and a third penetrated into its chest cavity.

"HAH!" Mario crowed. Prematurely; it was still alive and kicking. The following shockwave caught him looking as a result, and Mario went down hard on his back.

"Hang on!" Wendus told him as she worked at bringing it down, firing off a barrage of Missile Bills when she had opportunity to avoid its deadly beams of destruction. "Get back in this if you can, but if not I'll be there in- CRAP, come on, what are you made out of?"

It was more than disheartening, but Mario was having some trouble getting the suit to respond to his wishes now. Had it been irreparably damaged? He was just thinking about asking for that emergency eject code when he noticed the monstrosity had his companion pinned to the rock wall.

"_HEY,_ Garthok! Prepare to be _narfled!__"_

Before the hulking pile of armored plating could fully turn, Mario let fly with several shots, only firing a missile with the final shot (as he still couldn't reliably remember how to activate them in the first place). It rounded on him, bellowed some kind of noise that set his skin to crawling, and charged.

"ACK!"

"Better luck next time!"

This last came from Wendus as she revved up her Super Missile Bill to deliver one last crippling payload into its exposed back. It tripped, it teetered, its savage features twisted into a mockery of the sort of surprised expression a more learned creature might sport. All the while, its skin – or was it an exoskeleton? – blistered and smoked, and the glow coming off of it took on all sorts of interesting hues.

Then it fell on him.

"SHIITAKE!" Wendus cried out, unable to do anything about it. The burning mass of flesh enveloped him completely, and Mario screamed, and by the time her hand and arm cannon slid uselessly through its melting form it was too late.

"No," she muttered, struck dumb by the silence in the room, the stillness of her compatriot. "But what did... I was standing right there, and there was nothing I could- how did it even _melt_ like that? He can't be gone from something this stupid! There's no way it… what in the name of... of..."

Her voice trailed off when she saw Mario was sitting up out of the puddle, gaped at him as he leapt to his feet. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Am I okay? Are _you_ okay? What happened to you just now, why wouldn't you answer?"

"I... I think I passed out," he began slowly, voice still full of lingering panic. "Or maybe my brain had to restart itself once it figured out I wasn't really dying. How'd you save me?"

"I didn't," she told him helplessly. "Something you did... or maybe- wait a damn minute. Why is your Power-Up Suit all black and stealthy now?"

Mario stared downward at his boots and saw that she wasn't wrong. No clearer idea of cause came to him, but it was true enough that the metal of his suit was mostly black now, glowing with a dull sort of luminosity that it hadn't held previously. Dimly, he noted that there were three yellowish triangles in the center of his chest where Professor Gadd's star-shaped tracking device had once been attached. A new brand for a new suit.

"Sweet; I'm in a metal tuxedo, complete with bowtie."

"Trizon," Wendus breathed. "I'll bet that elite guard was all hopped up on it. We have no idea how unstable it is, what its mutagenic properties are. If killing him ruptured his veins or organs, ones that were carting the flow of it through his system-"

"It could have spilled all over me," he finished for her, panic flaring back up as easily as it had begun to fade. "Do you... m-maybe as long as I'm _inside_ the suit I'll be okay, right? I mean, I personally don't feel any different than I did ten minutes ago. I don't think it penetrated."

It was a long time before Wendus found her voice to reply to him. "Perhaps we should return to the gunship, run some tests. It isn't safe for you to stay inside that armor if it's radioactive."

"How about we just keep plugging away?" Mario told her, both annoyed and touched at her unexpected mothering. "Next time we get near the ship, you can run all the tests you can think of, but until then it won't matter much."

"That's playing with fire," she told him baldly as she trotted after him. "If this substance is toxic to your system, extended exposure will probably result in-"

"Careful, or I'll think you're concerned for my wellbeing or something."

From the sound of it, the growl started deep in her throat before becoming loud enough for her helmet's microphone to pick it up.

-o-o-o-o-

"So here's what I've been wondering."

Mario grunted as another Shriekbat dinged against the side of his head. "You know, I really do wish these things didn't think my shiny new suit was so irresistible! Like mosquitoes angling for the bug zapper!"

Nodding as if to shrug off his nonsensical observation, Wendus cleared her throat. "About this ancient land of yore where you normally hang your hat. You say their highest level of technological achievement is running water."

"Pretty much."

"So," she went on as they almost-reflexively took down a pair of flying Space Plumbers, "I have to ask myself why on Delfebes you'd want to go back."

"Not sure I'm following you. Why _wouldn__'__t_ I?"

"It's a stone-age land of savages," she went on as they climbed over some abandoned piece of mining equipment. "While I can understand you feel some loyalty to your family and the local monarch, if I were trapped in a living Helios like that I'd be grateful to find myself elsewhere."

"And if you found out your pops was still alive and trapped there? Which direction would you be headed?"

There was a subdued quality to her voice when she whispered, "Good point."

"Sorry to whip out the big guns, but that's exactly what this is. Luigi's not just my bro, he's my best bud – and my only other friends all live in the Mushroom Kingdom, too. Maybe if there was some way we could migrate to a more advanced universe like yours I'd think about it, but the truth is… I really don't believe for a minute that Toad or any of them would be too crazy about abandoning their homes. Besides, I have a feeling if we _all _left that King Koopa would just follow us, and the whole stupid mess would start all over again."

"This King Koopa had better hope he doesn't meet me," Wendus bit out. "I'm growing weary of hearing about the evils of my people because he's a power-hungry dictator."

"I feel your pain; it's not like my race is totally free of shortcomings. We've got a Bowser or two in our history, you know."

"Is that so?" she asked, clearly grateful for the switch in topic. "Like who?"

Before either of them could further the conversation, a crackling of static announced that they were being hailed. Mario threw up his hands, shrugging, so Wendus was the one who opened a channel and said, "Oran. Identify yourself."

"Supreme Chancellor Peachpittine."

Mario felt his heart leap into his throat.

"Ch-Chancellor!" Wendus sputtered. That was the most unsettled he'd ever heard her, even factoring in her venom-dreams. A hasty clearing of her throat later and she was back to a semblance of her usual gruff self. "Th-that is, to what do we owe this honor, Supreme Chancellor?"

"Just Leena, _please,_" the voice begged tiredly. "And I wanted to ask if you could meet me back at your ship."

"Meet… meet you back at…" Wendus turned to Mario; they both shrugged. "What do you mean?"

Her voice chuckled bemusedly. "I didn't think it all that complicated of a notion. You, on your little feet, wend your way homeward so I might meet with you. It's allright if you're indisposed, I just thought that the sooner we made contact, the sooner everything will-"

"But what are _you _doing here?" Mario burst out.

_"Plumber!"_ Wendus hissed, outraged at his lack of decorum.

"That is a valid question," Leena headed her off. "Will you come?"

When he glanced at Wendus, he caught her scratching the back of her helmet absentmindedly. A few seconds later, she said, "Who are we to turn down a request from a member of the Senate?"

-o-o-o-o-

Mario couldn't be sure how much time passed – minutes, hours? They had certainly spent more time crawling around beneath the surface than they did on the return trip. It felt like a long time, but that was likely because they were so curious to know why a dignitary had followed them to this ancient mudball and any delay of explanation only made the time elapse with agonizing slowness.

When they at last reached the _Red __Pearl_, they were astonished to see another craft parked nearby. This one was more perfectly saucer-shaped than Wendus's, save for the large thrusters in the rear. Six thin "spokes" jutted out from the corners to hold it steady, and an enormous pillar-like stalk had been extended from its underside. Even as they watched a door in the "stalk" slide open, Wendus was raising her cannon.

"What are you _doing?__"_ he demanded. "You're gonna shoot down the Chancellor!"

"This could be a ruse," she bit back at him, holding her ground. "I'm not going to walk readily into it."

A moment later, however, they were both done worrying over the possibility of a trap, for they were gaping openly at the arrival of yet _another _Power-Up Suit on the planet of Mallow IV.

"What the…" But Wendus trailed off. It wasn't as if Mario blamed her for not knowing quite what to say, either.

"Aren't you going to welcome me?" the supreme chancellor's question carried over their speakers.

"That's _you?__"_ Mario demanded, bounding over to her and leaving Wendus to gape openly. "Where did you- I mean, how did you get a- I didn't know there were any more!"

"You approve?" As she spoke, she twirled slightly like a supermodel in a high-class runway show debuting the latest wedding attire; even though there was no dress attached, Mario noticed she still held her hands out as if she were daintily holding up the hem so as not to trip over it. Then he smirked. What if this really was the first thing she'd worn that wasn't a dress since taking the office?

"Hey, you have good taste," he said, gesturing to his own suit. "But I thought mine was Gadd's prototype."

"It is, but that doesn't mean he didn't have another in production for yours truly. Given that when your tracker unit was functional he didn't get any data proving it to be an accident waiting to happen, he greenlit my own suit. I persuaded him to… accelerate its development when I learned of your mission."

"You mean you threatened him."

"Same difference."

"And it's _pink! _For some reason, I can't see that old geezer making anything that was pink on purpose."

A bitter note crept into the chancellor's voice. "I'm afraid this aesthetic nuance was his idea after all. Wanted it to be pretty enough for my 'innate beauty' or something equally nauseating. Honestly, do I strike you as a HoloVid-watching, boy-chasing teenager that I need little bows and ribbons to adorn my _plasma-firing __battle __suit? _It's galling!"

"Maybe he thought it would bring out your eyes," Wendus couldn't resist adding.

"You just watch it, Space Hunter," Peachpittine rounded on her. "I'm already of mind to have you brought up on charges for endangering the life of the Brooklyn Ambassador."

"The WHAT?" both Mario and Wendus yelped.

Hands on hips, she went on. "I've given it a lot of thought, and yes, I think appointing Mario as such is the right thing to do – him being the first-and-only of their kind to arrive in the Rosetta Galaxy. Of course, the office won't hold even the most laughable scrap of power, but it might afford him some marginal protection from persecution. It's all I could do for him in the foreseeable future."

"Oh, come on now," Mario groaned. "I don't need to be-"

"My apologies, Supreme Chancellor," Wendus said with a slight bow, fist over her chest. There was a tiny hint of amusement lurking in her tone (probably still from the ludicrous concept of a pink Power-Up Suit with bows and ribbons on it), but not one clear enough that anybody could really call her out on it. "I was asked by the good doctor to take the good plumber along on this supposedly-routine trip around the cosmos, but… well, something came up."

"It could have come up with him safely back in the GSL rec room, couldn't it?"

"I didn't think it would turn into a complete mess along the way, Majesty. Circumstances shifted, and there wasn't time to double back and drop him off at the nearest-"

"STOP calling me 'Majesty'!" she barked. "Just… just stop it, _gah_, how I loathe that!"

"Docking clamps engaged," sounded a new voice, a gravelly one. "The _Parasol _should be just fine here, Sir."

"See that? Bob can use a simple 'Sir', he can wrap his head around it!"

They watched as the door swooshed open again and another person – wearing a more standard space suit versus Peachpittine's state-of-the-art piece of pinkness – exited. His visor was clear, so Mario could see he was a Cheepanese man with orange scales and a red mohawk. He also sported a pair of wraparound sunglasses that obscured his eyes from the others.

"Buboba Shiggzi," he introduced himself. "Or Bob. Pleasure."

"I remember you," Wendus said after a moment of idle 'hello's and 'nice to meet you's. "But you were just a young cadet then. Toadam used to call you 'Sushi', right?"

Bob ground his teeth. "Captain Oran."

"Ex-captain." She nodded. "Well, Sushi, looks like you've done okay for yourself; you're the supreme chancellor's chauffeur. You always did have high marks in flight simulation tests."

The man's expression lost some of its irritation as he smiled a forced smile. "Thank you, Sir."

"Sorry to break up the reunion," Mario muttered, "but, uh… can we go back to the part where for some reason, a high-ranking government official is taking a vacation on a Space Plumber resort?"

Peachpittine's voice sounded confused. "Why? I'm here to see to your safety, of course. What do you mean to imply, that I've taken all leave of my senses?"

"Hmm…" said Wendus.

Cringing, Mario blurted, "No, no, nothing like that! Just… it's dangerous here, right? If you wanted to help, you should have sent a dozen big guys with bigger guns, not come in person and stuck yourself in harm's way!"

"Pish-tosh. I'll be perfectly safe with the three of you here. However, I am not a complete fool; Professor Gadd has furnished me with an additional hybridized conversion-shield. You two will be the ones in danger, not I."

"Hybridized? No." Wendus took a few steps around the chancellor, eyeing the rosy metal. "That rumor has been floating around for decades, there's no such thing."

"There is. And if this information ever ventures further than your helmet I will see that what's inside is parted from your shoulders." Taking a breath while they gulped, Leena whispered, "The technology has been perfected for three years. However, as long as I am in office, no further weapons developments will be passed along to any military personnel until absolutely necessary."

"What… what does that mean? That you're hoarding it all to yourself?"

"I am an important individual," she told them with only the tiniest hint of smugness; mostly, she was just being honest. "And as such, yes, it becomes necessary to use such resources for my own protection. But can you think of what would happen if the Space Plumbers got hold of this technology?"

A moment drifted by in cold silence as the implications of that settled into their stomachs and promptly upset them. "Crap on a crap cracker," Mario remarked.

"Adroitly phrased," Leena told him with a slight laugh. "Which is why my suit – mine alone, not either of yours – has been equipped with a self-destruct."

"WHAT?" Bob yelped, taking up a battle stance more out of reflex than because he thought there was anything he could do about it. "That's insanity, Sir, you shouldn't have a-"

"It's only wise, Bob. I can't have our enemies running off with a hybridized conversion-shield; that will be the end of our resistance to their black hand sweeping over our corner of the universe. It can be activated by my voice command, by password, or by remote from GSL, which also requires the password."

Wendus nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "It is a good precaution, of course. Still… you're really comfortable walking around with a bomb strapped to your back?"

Peachpittine did not answer. Instead, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then turned to Mario. "It looks like I'm not the only one with a fashionable paint job. How did this come about?"

"It's a long, ridiculous story, Leena," Mario hedged nervously.

"One you can tell her while we scan you," Wendus interjected. "Come on, let's get it done."

Mario did exactly that as they made their way into the _Red __Pearl_, leaving Bob stationed on the ground to keep watch over the two crafts. Once Mario had finished relating the tale, he decided the time had finally come for him to ask what a conversion shield actually was.

"Just what it sounds like," Wendus answered for Leena. "Instead of simply deflecting the energy of beam attacks, it absorbs the energy, channels it into its own output. It's almost redundant in the case of the Power-Up Suit because it already operates on such a high energy output, but it effectively means that your shields will never, ever fail."

"Or they might," Leena sighed unconcernedly. She tapped the side of the helmet and allowed the visor to rush upward and in, taking a breath of the slightly-sweeter air from the ship. Mario noted her makeup wasn't nearly as meticulous as it had been the last time they met. "There's never been any field-testing because we deemed the technology too dangerous to be made publicly available. Still, the laboratory tests were long and exhaustive; if it conks out on me, no one will be more shocked than Gadd."

"I dunno," Mario joked darkly. "I'm pretty sure you'll still be the most surprised."

Her smile faltered. "Ah. Yes, I imagine so."

"You're handling that facsimile even better than Mario did his first time out," Wendus observed as she aimed yet another probe at Mario's suit. "I didn't realize politicians had such good space-legs."

"This isn't my first trip out and about in my suit; just the first in which all the weaponry and defenses were active. I've been practicing in it off and on for months."

"Driver's ed for mechanized pants," Mario muttered. When she turned to him, he hurriedly cleared his throat and asked, "So, a self-destruct, huh? For real?"

"For real, Ambassador. Wanna see me try it out?" When neither Wendus nor Mario seemed amused, she frowned. "Come on, it isn't _that_ bad. Most ships have them coded into the firmware from the assembly line. How is this so very different?"

"Because it's literally wrapped around your royal body!" Mario blustered. "That's ten times worse!"

She flashed him a coy smile. "Careful what you say about my royal body, young man."

Wendus coughed in an uncomfortable way to signal that she'd had enough of the chancellor's open flirtations. "Uhh, anyway, so far I can't find anything wrong with the suit that would threaten Mario's life or any of ours. The Trizon seems to have fused with the metal but is now completely dormant. Waiting."

"Waiting for what?" Mario asked her.

"Search me."

"This Trizon," Peachpittine breathed, brushing his arm with her gloved fingers. "It's remarkable if it can do that… and you say the beast had been mutated by this substance?"

"Yep," Wendus sighed as she stashed the scanning equipment.

"Fascinating."

"Right; it's red-letter news. Now, if you don't mind, Chancellorship, I have an intergalactic outlaw to bring to justice, so if you two wanna keep playing footsie I'll just duck out and do my job."

"Oh, no you don't," Leena snapped. "Not without me, you don't."

"Say again?" she bristled.

"I'm coming with you." When they merely stared, her eyebrow twitched slightly. "Do I have something on my face? I thought I expressed myself quite capably."

Mario cleared his throat. "Well, see, this has been kind of… well, a whole lotta hectic running around and getting shot at. It's probably not the best place for a-"

"I'm not babysitting some pampered debutante," Wendus snapped with far less tact than Mario had been applying. "It's bad enough watching after the rookie."

"Is that so?" she said, a cold fury lurking behind her smile. "I'll have you know I was top marksman in my secondary school, a Fungolympic champion gymnast, _and _I can bench press-"

"_Enough!__"_ Mario snapped, startling both of them. "Let's just go!"

"But she _can__'__t _come with us!" Wendus burst out, flabbergasted. "And since when are _you_ in charge of this operation, plumber?"

"I'm not, but _she _is," he told the Space Hunter pointedly. "You really wanna try undercutting this galaxy's top brass? And I think both of us can agree that this is not a winner of an idea, but the chancellor's word is law and she's obviously made up her mind."

"Then she comes of her own volition," Wendus growled. It was menacing to the point of making Leena take a hesitant step back. "I _will __not _be held responsible for the death of our highest-ranking politician should she, in her grand wisdom, trip over a rock and land on a Goomboid. Got it?"

"Yay!" Leena exclaimed, clapping her hands together and beaming around at both of them. "A safari! Oh, this is so exciting!"

Mario had a sneaking suspicion that she had done this last part specifically to infuriate the _Red __Pearl_'s captain – not that he had a shred of proof. Either way, the result was the same: the labored grunts emitting over his helmet's speakers, the rigidity in her posture. If Wendus had been mildly displeased at being forced to take the Brooklyn boy along for the ride, this was pure, undiluted outrage. It was shaping up to be a long, long expedition.

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: Now, I know you're tempted to think I just threw the Chancellor in there for fun... and you'd be mostly right, BUT! I do have real plans for her being there that go beyond comic relief. You'll see. Man, this is turning into a much cooler space opera than I thought I was capable of writing! Stay tuned: in chapter 11 we learn more about the Yozo. Whee!<p> 


	11. Fate of the Yozo

- Chapter 11: Fate of the Yozo -

"What's this one?"

"A Shriekbat. I already identified that for you."

"Ah, yes, that's true," Leena said with a titter as her eyes followed the flapping creature. "That one doesn't look like the last one, though..."

"It's purple. Still a Shriekbat."

The three of them trudged along in silence for a while longer. Bob the killer goldfish had stayed behind with their crafts, ready to take off at a moment's notice or alert them to a change in their situation – and also to relay their distress signal to the Fungalactic Federation Police if necessary. It would have been nice to have an extra gun at their disposal, but everyone agreed this was the wiser plan.

Unfortunately, not everyone agreed on how their time should be spent while trekking through underbrush. Wendus thought silence was golden. Supreme Chancellor Peachpittine, however...

"_EEK! _What was _that?__"_

Wendus gritted her teeth; it was obvious from her voice that she was doing so. "My uncle Steve."

"Mind your tongue," she sighed with no real animosity, brushing off the front of her chestplate needlessly as if to ward off the icky germs the Geemer may or may not have sneezed in her direction. "This might be your area of expertise, but I am still a chancellor. I demand the respect my position calls for."

"I thought you wanted to be treated like one of the crew while you rode piggy-back on Mario's shoulders?"

"I did say that, didn't I?" she muttered. Then: "But what does a Shriekbat _do?__"_

As Wendus let out a string of curses that would likely have made Mario's ears burn if he understood the language they came from, he opened a private channel to the Chancellor, and his helmet gave a small telltale _blip!_when it was established. "Leena… are you sure it's smart to jerk the chain of the bounty hunter with the highest active kill ranking in this galaxy?"

Peachpittine chuckled. "It's likely the only true enjoyment I'll derive from our little day-trip, isn't it? Besides… I don't trust her."

"You don't?" Mario yelped with some surprise. "Why not?"

"She's a Space Hunter. They work for money." With a sigh, she relented and added, "Not that this Oran is one of the criminal element who will do anything for a quick profit; there isn't any way for me to know whether she is or not. Even so… I would be foolish to place my life in her hands at this juncture. If it came down to it and the choice was between catching her billion-credit prey and saving my life, how can I trust she'll make the noble decision? How can I trust she won't leave me to fend for myself in the Khoogra's den?"

"But _I__'__m _telling you, Wendus isn't selfish like that. True, she likes to make sure there's compensation at the end of the work she does, but still, she _has_ gone out of her way to save my life a bunch of times."

"Has she really?"

He thought back to how Wendus had told him that the only reason she'd allowed him to ride shotgun on her ship when she escaped the self-destructing Delfebes base was because he'd been able to keep up with her. Then, he remembered how she had panicked when the Trizon-polluted guard had fallen on him, how she'd tried to pull the muck away…

"Yeah. Yeah, she has; and I've saved her life, and she was adequately grateful. That has a nice balance to it, I think. So even if you can't trust her yet, I vouch for her."

Peachpittine cleared her throat nervously. "Well, I suppose I can appreciate that. You'll forgive me if I am still unwilling to trust, having only met her in person today?"

"I suppose I can appreciate that, too."

"Good; we agree to disagree for the nonce. Now, it appears our tour guide has spotted something of import."

Wendus was standing in front of a window constructed of green-tinted glass of some kind, wide and sweeping the entire wall of this small foyer. When the other two came up behind her, they saw what she was seeing. As if in answer to unasked questions, she breathed, "The Temple of the Artifacts; the Cradle."

It was nothing more than a flat courtyard with twelve odd monolithic totems arranged around the center haphazardly. The far side of it bordered a steep cliff, and though Mario couldn't see it from his vantage point he was sure the drop would be enough to kill anybody, be they Koopan or Cheepanese or whatever. Fairly unique, but still unimpressive. What could its purpose be? Mario looked left and right for any obvious signs but there wasn't much else to see out there.

"Care to shed a little light on this, Miss Hunter?" Leena needled as she folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not even sure what we're seeing, nevermind why we're here."

"This is the seal they used to imprison the visitor, the Ludviathan. They hoped it would trap all of its radioactive waste with it, as well, but apparently too much of it already leaked out from the meteor, polluting the planet core and all vegetation and wildlife."

"How do you know all this?" Mario whispered.

"It's in my suit now," she said with a mild hint of bleak amusement. "When I got the map, remember? A huge data dump of everything they knew. Just haven't had much need to sift through it until now."

"You mean because we don't know how to get past this weird seal thing?"

"No. I mean because I had to do _something _to distract myself from Her Supreme Chancellorship's incessant banter. Seriously, don't you do anything besides talk?"

"I have been known to hand down death sentences and galaxy-wide arrest warrants," she snapped.

"How do we get past it?" Mario cut across both of them.

"I vote for sticking Her Majesty in the middle and flipping on her self-destruct."

Leena let out a blast of sarcastically sycophantic laughter. "Oh, good one, dear madam! I've never been so tickled! Where does she drum up such piercing wit?"

"You like getting pierced? Hang on, I think I can-"

"So what do we need to do to open it _without _sacrificing somebody's life?" Mario half-shouted. "There's gotta be a way."

"Well," Wendus sighed, "according to this lore, there are twelve artifacts that correspond to those twelve totems down there. We go find those, and we can pry open the gates of Helios."

"Oh, _that _should be easy," Mario grumbled.

-o-o-o-o-

So it was that they soon found themselves skirting an enormous underground lake of boiling lava in the Magmodoboo Caverns. Mario's suit kept whining that it was getting a bit warm, but he ignored it; his new outer layer of Trizon would probably burn away before his suit was in any danger.

"Tell me," Mario asked Wendus after a stretch of blessed silence. "What happened after they sealed this thing away? I'm still kind of iffy on why we wanna let it out at all."

"We don't; we want to destroy it. It has to be wiped out, not just boxed up. Obviously that isn't doing the trick as it stands."

"But these Yozo primitives have been extinct for several generations, I thought," Leena said as she made a graceful hop over a deep fissure. "Yet I've heard Mario speaking as if they constructed that seal yesterday."

"They practically did. It's only been there for a decade or so."

Leena scoffed. "Impossible. Why haven't we seen hide nor hair of the primitives in the past hundred years?"

"Because maybe they don't feel too inclined to drop by other planets where they'll be referred to as 'primitives'. Just a thought."

"Come off it, I didn't mean any disrespect. But you see the state of their temples, their cities; I don't see any modern conveniences. Not even electricity."

"You've never seen the displays of their highly-advanced relics that have been dug up on archaeological digs all over the universe? They were leaps and bounds ahead of us. See, in their later years the Yozo came to believe that keeping the planet free of all pollutants was the wisest course of action, versus overdevelopment. If the Ludviathan hadn't arrived, with the Bob-ombdamn Space Plumbers on their heels, their experiment would have been a rousing success. Harmony with nature. Too bad it got cut short."

"You're awfully defensive of them for a Koopan," she whispered now. "I thought your kind were once at odds with the Yozo; too similar without being identical or something along those lines."

"I'm just a freak in a jar." Then she held up her hand, signaling them to stop. "Detecting atypical energy signatures from the center of the lake. I think it's out there."

The bead of her gaze was aimed directly into the center of the lake, where an enormous column of rock jutted from the roiling red mess.

"If one of us sets foot in that, we'll be cremated before we can blink," Mario breathed.

"Thanks for volunteering!" Wendus said, full of false cheer. "Go on, but be quick."

"HEY!"

"Stop teasing him," Leena sighed. "There's no way any of us can get all the way out there unassisted. Perhaps we should double back, get some equipment and-"

"Oh yeah?" Wendus rubbed her hands together. "Watch me." Backing up several steps, she took a running leap and began somersaulting through the air. "HUP!"

"Showoff," Leena scoffed. Then she breathed, "What is- _look __out!__"_

Mario saw immediately to what the chancellor was referring: a long, devilish-looking serpent that was slowly rising from the surface of the magma pool. It opened its jaws wide, waiting for its prey to drop in and down into its gullet, where it would slowly be digested over a period of weeks.

Taking quick aim, he loosed several Ice Beam blasts in its direction. The first missed, but the second and third hit it in the face and in the neck respectively, freezing the creature solid. Wendus ended up perched on its nose.

"Whew! Thanks for the stepping stone, Mario."

From there, she made it to the pillar with ease. After a few minutes' search, she had finally blasted a chunk of the rock away and found what she was looking for: an odd thing made from stone that looked more like a sprocket than anything else. Mario shot the lurking beast again before it could thaw and she used it to boost herself back to where her companions waited.

"What is this thing, exactly?" Peachpittine asked as she bent over it.

"It's the Artifact of Nature. One down, eleven to go. Let's get out of here."

As they made their slow way to the monitor station where Mario had first been granted full use of his arm cannon – and the transporter that promised safe passage in to Pherelandra – the chancellor asked, "So… you never did say what happened to the Yozo after they sealed this behemoth away within the planet's crust."

"I didn't, did I? Hmm…"

"Well?"

Wendus let out a long, low breath. "They died. I figured that part was pretty obvious."

"It was. _'__How _did they die?' was my implied question."

In a weary voice, Wendus told her. "The Trizon poisoned all of the water and the animals, and the radiation mutated their bodies and minds, and they went insane, and they all ended up killing each other or committing suicide, or running blindly out into the jungles to be ravaged by similarly-poisoned beasts. Is that what you wanted to hear, Miss Chancellor? That they wiped themselves out like so many other high-minded races across this perfect galaxy of ours?"

Peachpittine's helmet swiveled to look directly at the Space Hunter. "You make it sound as if either of us have some kind of personal stake in their fate. I was merely curious from an anthropological standpoint."

"Some of us _do _have a personal stake. In them, in whoever or _what_ever brought about their demise here, in the names of the bastards who wiped them out on their homeworld as well. Not everyone can afford to be completely aloof like you."

"Listen," Mario began as he fidgeted, "maybe this isn't the time to-"

"Here's where I don't understand you, Hunter. They are a relic from the annals of history; a memory from a bygone era. It's not as if they have some modern coalition to ensure no one ever besmirches their good name by simply talking about them in the past tense. Even my grandparents never met a single Yozo, so why shouldn't I be aloof?"

Mario slowed his walk so he was no longer striding between them and braced for impact. There wasn't really time for him to change this course of events anymore.

Wendus ripped off her helmet and glared down into Leena's, eyes twin slits, fangs bared. _"__We _are not so dead as you think. Close enough to, but not quite gone. But thanks for affirming every one of my reasons for not making my DNA structure public knowledge; that part feels pretty stellar."

Peachpittine did not reply. She did tilt her head to the side slightly, her hands raised in front of her chest defensively, but she said nothing. After a moment, Wendus jammed her helmet back in place and stalked off through the nearest tunnel.

"Cocked that up, didn't I?" Leena said to Mario via the one-on-one channel.

"Little bit. You had no way of knowing, though."

"Wendus Oran is Yozo?" There was a hint of awe in her voice as she spoke. "Really and truly? But she looks so Koopan… I don't understand, all the holo-images I've seen of their race, they were quite a bit more-"

"Let's just say she's a hybrid and leave it at that. Besides, she'd probably skin me alive for telling you that much anyway, so I'm gonna abstain from playing with fire and, uh, clam up now."

The politician sighed, slapping herself on the forehead of her helmet. "I should have known better. The honest truth is… I likely wouldn't have said half of those things if I hadn't been trying to rile her, crack her infuriating business-like façade. She takes herself so bleeding seriously…"

"In a way, she's kind of the missing link, right? The last Yozo. It's been pretty hard on her."

"And you knew this already. I really am fairly dim when it comes to interpersonal relations. Oh, not in a professional setting; that is where I normally shine, as you likely can imagine. When I'm trying to be 'one of the gang', however, I… I confess myself to be an utter failure in that area. All thumbs."

"Not everybody can be perfect at everything," he chuckled as they finally moved off to catch up with their grumpy third gun. "Still… this is kind of a sensitive topic, and you did kind of step right in it, so it's probably smart to steer clear for a little while."

"And how precisely do I go about doing that? The three of us are more or less alone on this marble, with no safe place for me to wander off and bide my time until she forgives me. No… no, I imagine I'll simply have to tell her directly that I'm sorry and hope we can move past this."

Everyone remained silent from then until when they first crossed into Pherelandra. Mario guessed Peachpittine was working up the courage to prostrate herself; it wasn't an easy thing for somebody in the command of whole armies to do. Seemingly already forgetting her promise to be meek and subdued, she whistled and said, "Would you look at this wintry wonderland? It's breathtaking!"

"Mm," Wendus grunted while looking out over the frozen cliffs. "That way. Don't lag behind."

Irritated at both of them, Mario opened a channel to Wendus and hissed, "Would you quit sulking already? You know she didn't mean anything by it."

"That's the point," she snapped back. "She didn't. She never stopped to consider how her words might be an affront to any party in the universe. Some diplomat _she _is."

"Listen… it's like she said, as far as most of this universe knows it's a fact that the Yozo have been extinct for centuries. That's because they hid themselves. Is she really to blame for being educated by morons?"

"Then perhaps she should put into effect some changes in the educational system. I'm not bearing the brunt of their ignorance."

Soon, they were inside the temple where Mario had previously gained the Ice Beam. He shivered in spite of his suit's climate controls. While the two battle veterans scanned for abnormal energy signatures, Peachpittine drifted around the interior of the chamber, hand trailing along the statues and walls and making hushed sounds of wonder. Mario grinned to himself; no matter her governmental importance, she was just like a little kid on a school field trip. It was oddly endearing.

"It's through here," Wendus announced. "But… well, I'm not pinging any doors or tunnels."

"What about this?" Mario said, pointing to the nearby Yozo statue. Its reptilian features were somehow noble and frightening at the same time. "Its hands; there's something weird."

"Hmm." Blasting a few hunks of ice from around them, she stood on tip-toe and examined the statue's arms. "There's a mechanism. Fungus if I know how to activate it, though. And it's so hard to see into the hands from here – blast them for being so tall! Why couldn't their meddlesome splicing have given me a boost in height instead of just taking away my shell?"

"Goodness," Leena put in. "These are _life-size_ statues? They were a race of giants!"

Wendus shrugged. "It's only a foot or two higher than your average Leopardian."

"Here." Mario grunted as he went down on all fours. "I'll probably regret this, but you can use me as a stepladder. Just don't take too long a look."

"How chivalrous," Wendus cackled mockingly as she stepped onto his back with comically dainty movements. From her new vantage point, she was already beginning to nod. "Ah… yeah, I think I get the idea now. Here goes something."

The other two watched as she climbed up onto the statue's hands. Peachpittine gasped in dismay when her body began folding in on itself, but Mario had seen this done once before and settled for feeling a tiny bit queasy just thinking about being compacted in such a fashion. The reaction was instantaneous; in much the same way as the pit in the map room had reacted, the arms dropped a few inches, the stone Yozo's eyes glowed momentarily… and a panel in the wall behind it slid aside.

"Delightful!" Leena exclaimed, clapping her hands again. "How ingenious, how cloak-and-dagger! It's just like dinner theater!"

Mario couldn't resist laughing at her reaction. Even though they were in grave peril and hunting down a murderous winged juggernaut, the senator was having the time of her life. Mario suspected the most harrowing thing she got to do on a normal day at the office was yawn or pick her own nose. Not that he expected Supreme Chancellor Peachpittine picked her nose or anything.

"If you two are through ooh-ing and ahh-ing, let's get the artifact," Wendus said as she unfurled into her usual hominid shape. "And get on with things."

"Why are we doing this again?" Mario asked as they walked down the dark hallway. "Getting the artifacts to get inside the seal. I can't help but keep thinking about this 'Visitor' that's supposed to be kicking around down there. Shouldn't we leave it closed?"

"For one thing, the seal isn't working," Wendus said as she turned a corner. "All that Trizon is leaking all over the world, polluting it, infesting it with radiation. A beautiful, habitable planet like this deserves better. For another thing… well, it's just guesstimation, but I'd bet you a solid thousand credits that when we get to the bottom of the impact crater…"

"That we'll find Birdley," he finished grimly. "He's your windmill, isn't he, Don Quixote?"

Wendus stopped dead, hand mere inches from the artifact. "Plumber, sometimes I'm sure you're speaking native Cheepanese for all I can understand you. Either way, no, Birdley is _not _a source of Green Energy. Now, are you done?"

"Done and done-er."

Wendus retrieved the polished marble-looking symbol – the Artifact of Sun, as it turned out – and handed it to Mario, who put it under his arm with the first. When they had exited the temple, Leena said in a rush, "I must apologize for my earlier lapse in perspicacity, Miss Oran. I didn't mean to insult your lineage."

"Nope; just came naturally, I guess."

"Wendus…" Mario couldn't stop himself from muttering aloud.

"Okay, okay," she growled back at him, but she didn't make the channel private. Mario wondered briefly if she'd forgotten or if she was miraculously warming up to the senator. "It's hard to feel sympathy for someone who just dragged my biggest secret out into the open. Do you know what my life would turn into if the community at large figured out I've got a few thought-to-be-extinct Yozo chromosomes?"

"Come off it," Leena said in disbelief as they trudged through the snow. "We don't live in a clandestine society of ignoramuses; we would respect your rights as a private citizen."

"You'd have me in a lab inside of a week," she said with a humorless laugh. "From there, it's a hop, skip and a Space Jump to the zoo. Come see the half-Yozo, ugliest wonder of Rosetta!"

There was a half-beat of strained silence before the senator whispered, "I never said you were ugly."

"I'm quite capable of reading between the lines, thanks."

"You're certainly far prettier than I. Do you know how much effort goes into making me this presentable? Hours wasted every morning just so the citizens can think they have such a glamorous supreme chancellor. It's all blasted showmanship. I'd give anything to be so naturally comely as Koopan females."

Wendus made a scoffing sort of noise, like someone trying to laugh and grunt in disgust at the same time. "Since when do humans think of Koopans as cute? That's a new one on me. In fact, everywhere I've been in the galaxy almost unanimously votes the two most hideous sentient races as Koopan and – would you look at that? – the extinct Yozo. I really won the genetic lottery."

"Jealousy, I expect. The Koopan men are noble and the women fiercely beautiful. True, Cheepanese have that exotic quality about the eyes and the glittery scales, and humans are softer and more delicate, more shapely in the torso, but have you ever seen a human without makeup or a Cheepanese suffering from scale rot? Truly gruesome. No… no, we may turn out better, but you don't even have to _try_. Our attractiveness is fickle and entirely dependent on upkeep. Hence all the envious posturing."

"What a novel point of view, Majesty, but _you_ were the one voted the second most desirable bachelorette in the galaxy three years in a row, not me."

More silence. Then Peachpittine said in a small, lamenting voice, "Nobody tells me these things. Since when is it acceptable to comment on my looks and availability? I'm in public office! I want people to laud my policies, or at least criticize my botching of the Halverson catastrophe. That is what I'm there for, not to pose in a swimsuit for e-zines."

At the genuine discomfort in Leena's voice, Wendus cleared her throat and said in a hesitant tone, "Well, I for one thought you did the best you could with Halverson, and that was a damned sight better than most would have. Don't wallow, it's unbecoming."

"What's that I heard?" She folded her arms across her chest. "I do believe you just said something nice about me. Very curious."

"Oh, stow it. Let's go fit these stupid things into the totems. We can't keep carrying sacred artifacts around the whole planet; we'll either lose or break at least one of them."

"Agreed," Mario sighed with relief. "I'm getting sick of lugging these around."

"Well, I doubt you'll get much of a reprieve, plumber; remember, you're still going to have to cart another ten of them for us, all at once or separately."

Mario didn't bother to answer.

It didn't take them long to get back to the religious site. From there, they picked their way down a hallway to steps that led out into the courtyard, where they very quickly made a startling discovery.

"Something is… weird here."

"Yes," said Leena, staring around with them. "Do you remember this many of the totems already having artifacts fitted into them?"

"I certainly don't," Mario sighed as he slotted one in. "But then again, I don't remember my own middle name half the time, so don't look at me."

"It's Moro."

Everyone was startled by the familiar-yet-unfamiliar voice. As one, they turned to see a figure in a blood-red spacesuit stepping out from behind one of the totems. It was not quite the peer of their Power-Up Suits, but it was certainly a dozen times more advanced than what Buboba had been wearing. Even more interesting was the multiple guns he somehow had trained on all three of them at the same time. They were more than adequate firepower to take on the trio, and each was charged and humming.

"What do you want?" Wendus barked, her own cannon trained on his helmet. She seemed to be of the opinion that the interloper couldn't split his focus three ways. Alas, Mario and Leena weren't so confident; they were twitching nervously, eyes fixated on the gun barrels.

"Not much," he went on, unmoving. "Just for you to keep doing what you were doing. Stick those relics into those other relics. The rest will take care of itself."

"But who _are _you? For that matter, what are you doing _here_, of all places?"

Leena stepped forward and addressed the stranger in a carefully-neutral voice, "Please, we mean no harm to anyone and have no quarrel with you. Why do you approach with your weapons already raised?"

"Because leading with science and reason has only led to disappointment in the past. To get power in this space-time continuum you gotta grab it. Go on, plug 'em in."

"I know that voice," Wendus breathed, glancing between Mario and the red-garbed aggressor. "It's _your _voice, plumber. It's…"

Mario gritted his teeth and clenched his fists around the last artifact as the truth hit home. "Oh, fricking perfect. Right on cue, it's my evil twin."

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: OH SNAP! It's time for a confrontation: Mario versus Mario! What will become of our intrepid band of heroes now that the mad scientist has reared his fuzzy head? Will Peachpittine ever stop saying things that rub Wendus the wrong way? And what the heck is at the bottom of the impact crater? Tune in for our next episode entitled "The Plumber Trap", or "Gimme Back My Face!"<p>

(PS: That was my nod to the grandstanding style of TV announcers on old shows like the original Na-Na-Na-Na-Batman.)


	12. Rocking The Cradle

- Chapter 12: Rocking The Cradle -

"The name's Marius," the man announced with a sweeping – and mocking – bow. "Dr. Maru Marius. You may call me Doctor."

The three Power-Up Suit-ed companions glared daggers at the nefarious Marius. This did little good, since their helmet visors were an opaque green and he couldn't see their eyes, but still they glared. Everyone stood around like topiaries, rooted to the spot and unwilling to make any rash moves or give any ground.

"Gosh, what a testy bunch. Why don't you three take some time off? Doctor's orders."

"This 'doctor' thing is gonna get old quick," Mario grumbled.

"What was that, Me?" He chuckled, taking a casual step forward. Wendus widened her stance, and now at last both Mario and Leena drew a bead on their common enemy as well. "See, I know all about you, Other Me. How you came to us from a strange, underdeveloped dimension. How you bear my face, and how you insisted that my goody two-shoes brother looks _just __like_ your own. You interest me quite a lot, good man."

"Really?" Mario said in a voice that he hoped sounded a great deal braver than he felt. "And how did you get this hot-off-the-presses gossip? Did Jimmy tell Susie behind the jungle gym during recess?"

"I have my sources. More specifically, I have Ligu. He never was smart enough to check his datapads for spyware; there isn't a shrewd bone in his body. I know every move my brother makes." He allowed himself yet another supervillain laugh. "Which is how I came to see a mugshot of myself from Mushroombus PD's booking offices, looking a lot more startled than I would ever look when under arrest. Imagine my surprise – there's a doppelganger! Glory be, what's next? Flying Cheepanese?"

"Stranger things have happened."

"Let's stop this pissing contest before it gets even more boring," Wendus cut in with a bold, authoritative voice. "I'll just fast-forward: you've been collecting these keys to the cipher behind our backs, haven't you?"

"Would it unnerve you to know I had that foyer out there and this entire courtyard bugged?" When Leena gasped, he let out a single blast of laughter and slapped his knee. "I knew sooner or later one of you would figure it out for me, so I placed a few discreet transmission interceptors here and there. Then, once I heard you explain what needed to happen, I dispatched several Space Plumbers to start looking."

"But how did you know _where _to look?" Wendus pressed. "I never even said the clues out loud."

"What clues?" Mario asked.

"See?"

"I'm not sure I like the fact that she's been keeping so much from us," Leena said, mostly to Mario.

"They were probably in ancient Yozo," he replied in an undertone. "There was no point translating."

"That, and they weren't terribly hard clues to figure out," Wendus put in. "Figured I'd spare you the details and just say 'we're going back to Magmodoboo'."

"_Enough!__"_ the not-so-good doctor snapped, irked that the spotlight had drifted away from him. Then he cleared his throat. "Ahem. Anyway, it was easy enough; I had you followed, they scanned the first artifact you unearthed. I then used my significantly-superior equipment to sweep the entire planet for the remaining pieces. Having a fleet of guardsmen to carry out my will upped the speed of the whole operation, too."

"You've been behind the Space Plumbers from the off," Leena said in a low, angry tone. In spite of the situation, Mario found himself suddenly more afraid of the politician than of the mad scientist. "All those claims that they roped you into building Mother Drain, all that wheedling and sobbing and begging for the court's mercy – all to squirm your way out of a life sentence!"

Marius sighed. "Ah, not entirely, my fair figurehead. They did, in fact, capture me and force me to do their bidding. What they didn't count on was that _I_ _do __not __like __to __be __coerced._ Every second their backs were turned, I was coding my own – ahem – tweaks on the original designs into the AI. The minute they activated Mother Drain for the first time and she came online, darts containing nanoprobes were fired into their repulsive bodies. It wasn't too terribly difficult when you're dealing with creatures who don't have enough mental wattage between them to power a single light bulb. They all became my _slaves. _I'd say their master plan backfired, wouldn't you?"

"Really?" There was a disgust in Wendus's tone that Mario was almost proud of. "And does that include that Trizon-infested hulk we dispatched down below? Does that include Birdley?"

"It didn't... at first," he said with grim amusement. "Birdley was a big fan of my work; he and I ruled them together. But once you reduced him to a few quivering blobs of flesh, Space Hunter, well... as long as I was rebuilding him, how could I resist slipping a few 'enhancements' to his cybernetic implants? Ones that made him more... compliant?"

Mario blinked rapidly when he saw Marius take his hands off the guns – and then realized that they remained hovering in the air where he had last left them. How was that even possible? Then he pressed his index finger into a small panel on the other forearm. "Birdley! Come!"

"_Shiitake,__"_ Wendus swore in a quiet hiss.

"You'll never get away with this!" Mario couldn't help but shout. "I'll take you down, you cheap imitation!"

"_I _am the cheap imitation?" Marius bristled. "Look at yourself! Running around with Koopans and diplomats, spouting corny lines like 'you'll never get away with this' – pah! Meanwhile, I have traversed whole new vistas of technology the likes of which this universe has never seen! If anything, _you _are the lesser of us!"

Without warning and to his complete shock, Wendus stomped forward until she was slightly in front of him. "Compared to you, Mario's a tiny god, you overbearing, pompous _blowhard!__"_

Whatever retort Marius had been readying to make was drowned out by a rush of wings, followed by a loud screech of pure hatred. Mario prayed that it was just a 747 having engine trouble. It wasn't.

"Birdley!" Leena breathed, frightened out of her wits. In his peripheral vision, Mario saw her go down to her knees, unable to stay standing in the sight of such a monster.

"You like?" Marius asked as the gargantuan creature stood over them, elongated fangs dripping acidic drool, eyes burning a virulent yellow. His metallic claws swiped at the air, his wings flexed, but he did not attack; he hadn't been ordered to yet. "I'm thinking of naming him Beebee for 'Bionic Birdley'. Too much?"

"You sack of Leopardian guano!" Wendus bellowed. "Haven't you tempted fate enough for one lifetime? You can't keep evil like that in check for long!"

"Put the last piece in the puzzle, you dimwit." When Mario dazedly pointed at his own chest, Marius sighed, "Yes, you. Who else is standing around holding a Yozo artifact?"

It was a moment of truth. Mario didn't know what to do. If he did as the lunatic asked, he would probably sic Birdley on them the moment the seal had been broken. However, if they refused, he'd do the same thing. Either way, they had a fifty-fifty chance of defeating the big pterodactyl-wannabe, but wasn't there some way to catch Marius off-guard, to give them an initial advantage in this soon-to-be-bloody war?

"I don't get it," he said slowly at first, then with more confidence as a plan took shape in his mind. "I really don't, Marius. What do you care if we open the crater again? What's in it for you?"

"Power," the doctor said hungrily. "You two saw my lab, you saw what the Trizon is capable of. It could be invaluable to the scientific community. Sure, I'll have to publish all my findings under aliases, but for years to come there will be an unending _tide _of new advancements thanks to yours truly! With such an untapped resource, we could begin researching in earnest the aftereffects of..."

"Okay," Mario said in his private channel to Wendus; ever the staunch warrioress, she didn't blink or twitch at his sudden communication with her. "While he's babbling and patting himself on the back, I'll tell you what I'm thinking. If I throw this thing at him-"

"You can't!" she hissed. "It'll break, and then there'll be no way to shut this muck off at the source!"

"He won't let it fall, we both know that – the greedy bastard. But while he's distracted, I'll charge him with my cannon blazing, and you start gunning for Birdley; he'll be wide open because he ain't got any marching orders right now."

"This is a pathetic plan, plumber."

"It really, really is, isn't it? Ready?"

He saw a very tiny nod from out of the corner of his eye. "I'll ask him another question to draw his focus when he finishes this speech. Oh, Great Yozo Elders, what in Helios are we _doing?__"_

Grimly, Mario answered her rhetorical question. "Whatever we can."

"...which only a man of my mental caliber could possibly put into action," the self-absorbed scientist was saying. "The possibilities are endless, I tell you! _Endless! _What have you to say to that?"

"You're _really _supposed to be me?" Mario muttered under his breath.

"What was that? Speak up; what, do you have marbles in your mouth?"

"Tell me something," Wendus butted in, voice dripping with revulsion. As she spoke, she slowly began creeping to one side and away from Mario, entire body tense, cannon held level the entire time. It worked; the visor on Marius's helmet began following her automatically, eyes on what he perceived to be the bigger threat. "Where will all of this end? To what goal are you advancing – by any underhanded means necessary?"

"Am I building up to conquering the entire known universe, you mean?" Marius paused as if truly considering this, and then grinned. "Sure. Yeah, that sounds like a great way to spend an afternoon. I appreciate the suggestion. Got any more?"

"Just one – catch."

"Catch?"

Which is when Mario chucked the aged cog at the raving lunatic. Marius had just enough time to yelp and throw his arms up to cushion its fall before Wendus had loosed a Super Missile Bill directly at Birdley's ribcage. The creature reared back and screeched, then bellowed in anger; it had caused pain but had not mortally wounded, which was bad news indeed.

But there wasn't time to fret about that. Mario shot both of Marius's legs with his Ice Beam, then took to the air and aimed a flying kick at his opponent's head. A few hasty shots from one of the villain's guns spun the Brooklyn boy off-course, and he was cartwheeling by the time he slammed into his opposite number – because, of course, Marius's feet were frozen to the spot and he could not dodge. By the time the two men had sorted out their tangle of arms and legs and scrambled to their feet, Wendus and Birdley were already locked in a deadly battle that offered no place for anyone else to interfere.

So of course, Marius barked, "What are you doing? Forget the Space Hunter! Get your gluteus maximus over here and help me!"

But Birdley's eyes were burning with toxic animosity as it snapped its maw and struck out with its javelin-like tail. Green eggs of potent death littered the ground, and Mario saw a few specks of the disgusting goop on Wendus's suit. Narrow escapes. Presently, she fired another Super Missile Bill, one that caught him in the chest and sent him reeling backward, but his wings snapped out and caught the air, keeping him upright but off-balance.

Now or never. Mario kicked Marius in the knee, then fired a quick missile over his shoulder at their towering foe. He felt his stomach churn when he saw it strike the creature's eye. An earsplitting roar penetrated into the bones of everyone gathered.

"Now you've done it," Marius said in a strangely defeated voice. Wasn't the battle still raging all around them, plenty of carnage to go around?

"Done what?" Mario asked, unable to keep his curiosity from leaking out.

"There's only two things that can destabilize my mind control: extreme pain and extreme duress. He's going into a fine frenzy indeed – there's nothing any of us can do to stop him."

"Wendus!" Mario yelped.

It was too late. Birdley lashed out in all directions with every appendage available to him. Totems were destroyed – and before Mario had any chance to lament their loss of a way to reach Ludviathan, the fiend was swatting his friend across the courtyard like a rag doll. She bounced, spinning wildly, then lay still in a crumpled heap.

Another roar. Bloodier, hungrier, more primal. He was winding up to something truly catastrophic.

And Leena was still crouching on the ground, terrified, a pacifist completely out of her element. It was a credit to her strength of character that she hadn't fainted dead away.

Without pausing to think of his own safety for even a split second – that would only have gotten both of them killed – Mario charged, firing blast after blast with the Ice Beam. The crystals slowed the creature, made it stop to shatter ice and free its own leg. It bought him the few seconds he needed to reach her side.

"Princess! We gotta go!"

"Stop calling me a princess," she said numbly, not moving even while he tugged on her arm. "I'm a diplomat... a single piece of a larger conglomerate that works to serve-"

"You're going to be a piece of kibble for that big mutt over there if you don't get up off your royal duff!"

At last, Birdley was free, and he bent down to roar directly in both of their faces. Viscous spittle coated their Power-Up Suits, and it was then that Peachpittine decided she might be better off finding another spot to have her nervous breakdown.

"Wh-what do we do?" she was yelping when they paused to rest in the shelter of stone. "I don't know what to do, I've never been attacked without having less than a dozen armed guards flanking me on either side!"

"Just... just shoot it!"

Shoot it she did. "I... I don't know if this is having any effect!" she squeaked as she loosed a few more bursts of laser fire. "Drat, I missed again!"

"It's better than nothing! Now... now keep shooting, keep him guessing! I gotta go check on Wendus!"

"NO! You can't leave me!" When he stood anyway, her hand clamped down on his forearm. "Please, Mario of Brooklyn, I... I don't know what to do! Bob-omb help me, I'm a completely useless extra body, and I came down here with the lot of you and now you have to worry about me as well and what was the damn point of it all? I'm sorry, I really am sorry, b-but I don't want to die!"

A swipe of Birdley's tail destroyed the totem they had been crouching behind. As they darted for another one, Mario took stock of the situation. Marius was desperately working with some kind of device, no doubt hoping he could bring the leader of the Space Plumbers back under his geas. Wendus was a pile of armor. The chancellor, well-intentioned though she was, didn't have the combat ability of a block of tofu.

That meant that it was him against the world. Business as usual.

"Okay, let's try this again!" He grabbed Leena by both shoulders in a last desperate bid to boost their team's firepower. "You need to distract it, let me get in some good shots! If you don't, we're gonna _die _here! Is that understood?"

"B-but I- goodness, this isn't like archery class-"

"PEACH!"

The use of the completely unfamiliar name seemed to snap her out of it. "I... what did you call me?" Then she cleared her throat. "Er, that is, yes. Tell me again; I provide cover fire to disguise your attacks from the rear. Ought I to run from place to place to further confuse him?"

"That would be a bonus. Just watch your step."

"Of course. You go on, I'll... I'm okay now," she said with an odd warmth to her words. A warmth that only extended to him and not to the rest of the chill, unkind universe. "Go."

"Righty-o."

Amazingly, Peachpittine threw herself out from behind their rocky shield and began blasting away, screaming in panic the entire time. Mario quickly activated the suit's automatic volume leveling so his eardrums didn't rupture and strafed a little until he was more facing Birdley's side as it bore down on Leena, trying to stop her from pestering it. Luckily for her, the putrid eggs simply bounced off her hybridized conversion-shield and spun harmlessly on the ground. However, the thing couldn't handle anything so solid as a physical attack. A crack spiderwebbed across her visor when its tail stabbed at her; it didn't buckle, but another such hit would likely drive straight through her skull and out the back of the helmet.

Mario didn't want to wait for that to happen; he loosed a missile that seemed to really upset the creature's disposition, but before it could switch focus Leena was peppering it with lasers again. Taking a quick breath, Mario hopped a pile of rubble-

And felt his heart drop into his bowels when a shadow flickered onto him from overhead. What was that? Not _more _bad news! As it turned out, he didn't need to panic; he turned just in time to see Wendus slam her tail into the side of Birdley's head. The monster wasn't happy.

"DIE!" Wendus was screaming, feral and unhinged, as she continued to fight hand-to-hand while her blaster charged. "Why won't you just die? What right have you got to continue breathing while my parents are space debris? I lost _everything _because of you! EVERYTHING!"

Its claw slammed into the ground an inch from her, leaving deep gouges where she could have been a moment before. While it was rearing back for a second attack, Mario shot it in the face. It roared its outrage... and Wendus sent her latest Super Missile Bill down its throat.

That was pretty much it. Mortally wounded, the creature made a few last-ditch efforts to drag them down with him, but Leena hopped away from its leg and Wendus shot out the elbow joint of its arm before it could take one last swipe at her. After this, it sagged to the ground and remained still.

"Get him!" Wendus ordered. Leena was too stunned by Birdley's apparent demise to react, but Mario was just able to clip the underside of Dr. Marius's small motorized jet-scooter with a quick blast of Ice Beam as it took off. It weebled, it wobbled, and then it went down hard.

"Curse you idiots!" Marius shouted, disentangling himself from the huge flotation device that had inflated upon impact. "What are you trying to do, kill me?"

"Can't say we'd shed many tears," Wendus growled as she stomped over, gun raised. Marius went for one of his own, but she blasted it out of his hand before he could aim. After that he simply held his hands up in surrender. "Talk. How many other lieutenants are down here? Did you resurrect Kwart as well? I swear to Bob-omb, if I have to haul tail to escape just _one __more_ self-destruct sequence-"

"What makes you think I'm in a chatty mood?" Marius shouted. "I just lost my freedom and my greatest pawn in this intergalactic chess match! Take your good-cop, bad-cop and stow it in your-"

"SILENCE!" This was from Leena. Now that the fighting had ended and the time for issuing orders had come, she was placed firmly back into her role as senator. "Marius, I do suggest you cooperate and answer Miss Oran's questions or else there shall be dire consequences."

"Like what?" he spat. "Euthanasia? Fine, be that way. Always knew you were a Conservativist at heart; that's why I never voted for you."

"Euthanasia?" she laughed gaily. "Oh, _no,_ my good man. Tell me... have you ever heard of... Limbo?"

Even through the cloudy, semi-opaque visor, Mario could see their captive's eyes go round and wide. "No... oh, stop that, stop with your scare tactics. Limbo is a myth, a conspiracy theory; everybody knows that. Very good, very good – _oooh_, I'm shaking in my shoes."

"Sometimes conspiracies are true. Didn't you ever wonder what _really _happened to Senator Kellius?"

"He was..." Marius began to hyperventilate. "Oh no. _Noo,_ no no NO, you can't do this! So what if I tried to round up some guys and conquer a few planetoids? Can't you let me off with a warning? I swear I'll never do it again, honest – listen, I've been thinking about going back to grad school and learning a new trade, like veterinary medicine, or yoga! Isn't yoga really booming all over the-"

He stopped talking when Wendus kicked him in the side of the head. After he slumped over and she had placed a pair of magnetic cuffs around his wrists (behind his back, naturally), Leena sighed and said, "You didn't actually have to kick him."

"Yes I did. He's a sleazebag. I don't use the kid gloves on sleazebags."

"Very well; I'll pretend I didn't see you using unnecessary force." Then she cleared her throat. "Is... is what you said true, or were you caught up in the moment?"

"Said?"

"About your family. About that beast being the one who..." Silence descended for a few moments before she cleared her throat. "I am sorry. I hadn't known how deeply personal this bounty was for you, I just assumed you were after his exorbitant price tag."

"Yeah, well, that won't hurt either. Between these two, I might just be able to retire to a nice small moon and live out the rest of my years peacefully."

"Uh-huh," Mario panted, slapping her on the back. "The day you turn into a civilian will be the day pigs fly."

"Really? Flying pigs is all it'll take?" There was a tinge of mirth in her voice as she said, "Haven't ever been to Porcinus Six, have you?"

Mario was about to reply when they heard a blood-curdling shriek from Leena. As one, they swung around to meet the looming menace of a Birdley that somehow continued to function.

"Oh… shiitake," Leena whispered.

"It's the cybernetics," Wendus guessed, completely beside herself. "They just... they're not going to let him die. That stupid genius has made him indestructible."

But this turned out to be a premature assessment. Even as they watched, bracing to start the bloody battle all over again, a beam of bluish light leapt out of the shadows and encircled Birdley's waist. He screamed – and another encircled his throat. Ten more beams emerged, all working in unison to raise the struggling monster into the air, where he fought so violently... that he snapped his own spine. It was an audible POP that reverberated throughout the Cradle.

Then the beams let him go. The hulking creature plummeted over the side of the cliff, no longer capable of screaming, no longer conscious. There was a sickening crunch, then nothing.

With dawning comprehension, the battered party stared up at the Yozo statues ringing the Temple of the Artifacts, at their glowing eyes. It was improbable, unlikely... but not impossible.

"Did we just get saved at the last minute by a bunch of dead guys?" Mario hissed.

"Show some respect," Wendus told him dazedly. She ripped her helmet free, let it fall from her limp fingers and took a hesitant step forward, tangled golden hair trailing behind her on the high-altitude winds. "That's my ancestors you're talking about."

The statues went dark as some vaguely bluish shapes drifted out of the rock, hovering in and around the ruined totems. Mario felt Leena's hand land on his bicep, heard her frightened squeak as the ghosts drifted toward them, but none of them made any move to attack. Instead, the indistinct dinosaur-like shapes began to merge into one, building the light, feeding it with their ethereal energy. Based on his many exploits in the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario was able to hazard a guess.

"A portal?"

"I think so." Wendus turned back to glance at them, and Mario was only weakly surprised to see tears on her cheeks, standing out in strong relief from the radiance created by the deceased elders. "This... I think they're showing us the way to the Trizon core. To the Ludviathan."

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: Whoo! Sometimes I write half-decent action, eh? (Sometimes not, but nobody's perfect.) Thanks to the Thief Kid for reading along; maybe we can turn this into a SING-along! Or not...<p>

Getting to the climax of the story now, and only four more chapters left in the whole shebang. It's time to go kick some Goomboid ass!


	13. Primer Impacto

- Chapter 13: Primer Impacto -

"What should we do?"

Supreme Chancellor Peachpittine asked this while she and Mario ranged themselves on either side of Wendus. The Space Hunter stared into the hazy cerulean depths of the portal. "Do? What do you… I dunno."

"_You _dunno?" Mario goaded her. "That's a first."

"We take it." Coming to herself a bit more, she stalked back to her helmet, scooped it up and held it ready to put on… then turned to look at both of them with her face still uncovered, to give them a less guarded interaction in that moment. "Or _I_ do. Either of you are free to back out at this juncture without me thinking any less of you. You've gone above and beyond the call of duty already."

Both Mario and Leena slid up their visors to return the courtesy, the latter taking a step forward. "I cannot ask the citizenry to put themselves in any danger that I myself would not undertake. I'm going."

"But Chancellor, we don't know what we'll find down there. There could be sixty Birdleys all waiting to grind us into a paste. You'll be much safer back at the ship."

"Nonsense. I'm not any sort of dilettante, especially not one who fails her obligations. I shoehorned myself into this crusade of yours, and the least I can do is be on-hand to see to its completion."

"And I'm supposed to be testing this suit for the entire mission, not just the fun half." Mario's statement earned him a small smile from the bounty hunter; they had been having pretty much everything except fun since departing from GSL. "Time to vaporize us some space-sludge."

A long moment passed as she considered her two new comrades. Her throat worked to swallow as if it were having great difficulty doing so. "Very well. But first, we should take care of…"

The courtyard became very quiet as they all slowly realized that the mad doctor had escaped. A low growl began in the recesses of Wendus's throat, and Leena bit out a word that made Mario gasp.

"I knew a two-for-one bounty was too fantastic to come true. At least we roasted the other bird."

"That slippery snake!" Peachpittine fumed. "He was to stand trial for his crimes! I wanted the magistrate to force him to suffer as all who have fallen before the Space Plumbers have suffered!"

"Don't worry, Your Grace," Wendus sighed as she slammed the helmet down over her head and activated the clamps that held it in place. "He's smart, but not perfect. He'll slip up again. When he does, I'll be waiting in the wings to drag him offstage."

Mario nodded. "Yeah, he can't hide forever. Still wanted to get a piece of him myself, though. Can you believe that asshole, walking around with my face and using it to do all kinds of rotten deeds? Makes a guy feel all jilted."

"Let's look on the bright side, though." When they turned to look at Leena, she shrugged and flashed a slightly-embarrassed smile. "At least this proves once and for all that Mario and Marius are separate entities, doesn't it? Not that I've questioned that too rigorously."

"True," he sighed. "Gotta admit, that's a load off. I mean, assuming you'll both vouch for me. You will, right?"

Leena smirked and replaced her cracked visor. Both women moved toward the portal without saying a word. Grumbling, Mario fell into step behind them, not appreciating their sense of humor when it involved making light of his perceived outlaw status. Then his body was being wrenched through an event horizon and he forgot to care about all that.

-o-o-o-o-

The cave they were deposited in was dark and dank, like most of the caves on that world. Wendus was already scanning the area with her visor by the time Mario shook off the queasiness that usually accompanied time-space jumps like those.

"Good, nothing too dangerous nearby," she sighed as she strolled over to a cluster of orangeish mushrooms. "This way."

She blasted open an ancient door, prompting Mario to wonder just how much of the planet's surface had been colonized by either the Yozo or the Space Plumbers. Why on earth would they bother building a door down here? Who needed doors in cave entrances? Then, the instant it had finished opening, the flashing warnings on the inside of his visor cut his musings short.

"Trizon," she growled, taking a single step through into the adjoining tunnel before coming to a halt. "It's all over the place! Why didn't my scanner pick it up?"

"Perhaps the doorway provided some nominal shielding," Leena offered up half-heartedly. "What do we do?"

"Just try to avoid it; that's pretty much all we can do. Let's go!"

Painstakingly, they made their way around the great pools of it to the mouth of the tunnel, which opened into a spacious chamber with a ceiling that towered several stories above them – so high that it was lost in shadow. The trio slowly drifted toward the enormous pillar in its center.

"Get a load of this," Mario breathed, awe-struck.

"We'll take the five-cred tour some other time," Wendus said, all business. "There's plenty of Trizon here, but I can't tell where it's coming from.

"What do you suppose the Ludviathan actually _is?__"_ Leena said as she knelt on the shore, staring down into the pool of orange, glowing waste. "Man or machine? Perhaps a whole factory?

"Beats me."

Mario walked over to join Wendus in staring upward; he guessed she was trying to figure out their next destination. "Isn't this stuff a different color than the other stuff? Why do you suppose that is?"

"Beats me," she said again.

Shrugging, Mario looked back to Leena and was surprised to see her slipping her arm cannon back into place. "Hey, what the heck are you _doing?__"_

"What, what?" she yelped, turning so quickly that she came dangerously close to tipping over into the sludge. _"__Ack!__"_

He was already there, holding onto her until she was steady on her feet again. "Why did you remove some of your armor at all? Don't you know how lethally radioactive this crap is?"

"Sorry," she whispered, voice full of guilt. "I only... well, my arm has been itching for ages and I couldn't take it any longer. I didn't mean to cause you any undue alarm, Brooklyner."

"Be more careful," he said, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Don't open your suit again in here, got it? Geesh, all we need is to be charged with poisoning the leader of the free galaxy!"

"I'm sorry." A _blip_ sounded, denoting that she had established a private link. "Mario," she said in a voice pulsing with more than passing gratitude, "you... you show me too much kindness with such attention to my well-being. Between that and the current placement of your hands, the Space Hunter could walk away with an erroneous impression about our... how we regard one another, if you catch my meaning."

"I don't care about that. Getting you – getting _everybody _out of here alive and healthy is my priority one. Everything else is frosting."

A small, happy-yet-worried sigh carried over his radio. Then: "Frosting?"

"Yeah, frosting." He paused for effect, but she didn't reply. "You know... on the cake?"

"Whose cake is this?" she asked with a touch of amusement. "Are you throwing me a party? What, pray tell, are the two of us celebrating?"

A gruff, impatient voice barged in on their conversation. "If you lovebirds aren't too busy nesting over there, you might wanna help me with this..."

They both turned their attentions back to their third wheel, as Mario couldn't help but think of Wendus maybe just that once. Then all thoughts of would-be romance were eradicated when he saw the two or three Goomboids drifting toward them.

"There are probably more," Wendus said while backing toward them. "Fungus! We walked right into a trap like brain-dead trainees!"

"Let's just get out of here!" Leena said as yet another appeared. "We can't hope to face down these odds!"

"How?" Mario asked miserably, switching to missiles. "I think we all had one-way tickets!"

There was a starkness in the chancellor's voice as she said, "Oh yes… I suppose we did. Does that mean that w-we're stuck down here? How do we get home?"

"YAAAH!" With a flash, Wendus loosed a Super Missile Bill and blew one of them to kingdom come... except that it didn't go to kingdom come. It just split in two. _"__What?__"_

The same held true for the one Mario shot with his ordinary Missile Bill; upon impact, the gelatinous gravity-defying critter became two, one mostly white, one a sickly yellow. Both blinked mean little eyes at him, screeching in that weird, horrifying tone that signaled they were about to lash out at the nearest prey. In desperation, he shot both of them with his Ice Beam. One of them acted like he'd sneezed at it, but the other one immediately shattered.

"Did you see that?" he panted as they backed along the wall. "Why didn't it work on both of them?"

"I have a better question," Leena whispered. "Where are we even going?"

It definitely was an important thing to point out; they were fast coming to the end of the small ledge they were inching along. Briefly taking stock of their situation, Wendus pointed high and barked, "That rock! Head for that rock! We gotta climb!"

It was slow going. Many times they had to pause and fight off the Goomboids as best they could, watching as they unpredictably advanced as if nothing had transpired and exploded without any obvious reason. At long last, they were what felt like a mile above the roiling pit of lethal orange sewage, Leena making weak noises like she was going to lose consciousness and both Mario and Wendus praying their missiles held out.

"I'm down to about five," he admitted as they backed across a narrow bridge that swayed far too much for his liking. "You?"

"Eight. This looks pretty grim."

"DIE!" This last came from Leena; she fired a blast into a stalactite, causing the craggy outcropping to fall onto an unsuspecting Goomboid and splatter it on the ground far, far below. "Stop following us!"

"Sheez," Mario half-laughed. "Wendy, I think she's starting to get the hang of this."

_Blip! _"We've discussed the usage of nicknames enough times that I shouldn't have to rehash, tenderfoot."

"Sorry," he apologized over the one-on-one channel. "It's hard to remember when there's so much else going on, though!"

They trotted a few paces forward and to the door of a new chamber. Inside, miraculously, there was a missile refill station. As they were restocking, Wendus said, "What were you and the chancellor whispering about, anyway?"

"Huh?" A quick glance told him they were still enjoying a private session; neither of them had severed it. Mario had simply assumed she had and therefore didn't make any effort to do it himself. "Uhh... not much, nothing important."

There was an odd note of anxiety in her tone as she asked, "You would tell me if she was slandering me behind my back, wouldn't you? I mean, not that my poor little feelings would be hurt, only... I can't stop thinking that enlisting the aid of a civilian with no combat experience who already has it in for me might not be the healthiest idea in the long run."

"What is this about, really? Come on, she's proven herself nothing but trustworthy. Even if she can barely fight her way out of a wet paper bag."

"Just what I said. She made it fairly clear that she distrusts me from the very start. Wouldn't that be an eye-opener if I turned around and found both of you trying to help me join Birdley at the bottom of a cliff?"

Mario blinked. Then he felt awful. Not because he'd done anything wrong – he most certainly hadn't – but because he realized how the situation could be perceived. The two of them had been working this mission together since before the _Ostreon_ crashed, and the first damsel that wanders along has him fawning all over her. True, that was because she was almost helpless and Wendus could probably beat up half the galaxy with one claw tied behind her back, but the effect remained the same. Mario had "chosen" Leena.

There was only one problem now that he knew this was bothering Wendus: how did he go about making her feel better without patronizing her? That would only rub salt in the wound. Realistically, the only true way to fix things would be to have gone back and stopped being so friendly with Leena, but he didn't expect to find any handy time warps lying around.

"What are we waiting for?" Peachpittine asked. "Aren't you restocked by now? Let's go and do this insane thing so we can vacate in an orderly fashion."

"Right," Mario said publicly. Then he _blipped _Wendus. "You don't have to worry about that, okay?"

"Hmm?"

"Me conspiring with the princess – I mean, chancellor. Not against you, no way. After everything we've been through, I think we might as well start attending each other's family reunions."

There was a brief silence as Wendus took that in. Then she whispered, "I'm afraid the turnout for mine would be rather sparse. But I read you loud and clear. Thanks, plumber."

"You can call me 'Mario', you know. It's allowed."

"No, it isn't. I'd call you by your family name if I knew it, and that's as far as I'd go. You really gotta earn my trust to get me to call you by any given name or nickname. Though I must admit, you've come pretty close."

"Wow, you sure do have a lot of rules about people's names," he groused. When she laughed, he smiled. "If you keep giving me grief, I'll start calling you Wen-Wen."

"You do that, and _I'll_ start calling _you_ Grand Duchess Jennifer. And I won't stop until _everyone _across the cosmos thinks it's your preferred radio handle."

Mario paled.

-o-o-o-o-

"_High radiation levels and dangerous life forms detected. Please proceed with caution."_

This was the warning the software of the Power-Up Suits was feeding to all three weather-beaten travelers when they approached a solid-looking door. It set them on edge, it lent purpose to their postures. It turned their innards to jelly.

"My palms are all sweaty," Leena admitted in a trembling voice. "I've never reached the end of a dangerous excursion before."

"Shields up, cannons out," Wendus barked, ever the military man (or Koopan female, as the case would be). "Fire up that Ice Beam, we might need it."

"Can you _fire _up an _ice _beam?" Mario joked. When nobody answered, he muttered, "Tough crowd down here in the impact crater. Anybody from Paducah in the audience tonight? Anybody? Hello, is this thing on?"

Leena snickered in spite of the situation, unable to contain it. Wendus completely ignored him and blasted the door open. They stepped through... and slowly lost all desire to be there.

Hanging from the ceiling in this chamber was some bizarre thing that reminded Mario of what it would look like if a pineapple cross-bred with a bat and _then _turned evil. That failed to do justice to exactly how it looked but it was better than many other descriptions. Veins of blue Trizon were snaking up the walls and slowly running down its body, creating a tiny pool of runoff beneath it.

"Oh…" Mario had been about to follow that up with some cry of astonishment or expletive, but nothing came to him that would really do the sight justice. So he didn't bother.

"What on the nine arid continents of Helios _is _that?" Leena whispered.

"You guys aren't going to believe me," Wendus began in a trembling voice – which automatically threw up warning flares in Mario's mind. "But that… is a Goomboid."

"NO!" he shouted. "Come on, that's not even funny!"

"I'm afraid so. It's… I don't know what's wrong with it, to be honest, but scanners don't lie; the readings say it's a Goomboid of 'unknown mutation'. Which means that it probably got beefed up by this annoying, ubiquitous CRAP!"

Her sudden burst of anger was understandable; they had all experienced quite enough of Trizon for not just one, but another few lifetimes. It needed to be wiped out before any more horrible freaks of nature were created that could wreak havoc on Rosetta's hapless inhabitants. Unfortunately, her shouting had an adverse side effect: it woke the creature up.

Dumbfounded, Mario looked on as the thing slowly shook itself, glared at them. Portions of its body lit with a blue glow wavered, as if it were alive. Then it thudded to the floor and roared at them as it unfolded enormous limbs, dozens of feet in length – that stuck in the ceiling and the floor. It twitched angrily, trying to get at them, but it was impossible to maneuver its joints in a way that would allow it to attack.

"The bugger's stuck," Mario couldn't help but laugh. He couldn't believe their good fortune; the thing had grown too big for its cave!

Three seconds later, it was smashing through the wall behind it and falling backward, a desperate bid for freedom. Once the rubble ceased falling they took a hesitant step toward the gaping hole.

"Where has it gone?" Peachpittine crept to the very edge, knelt down, craning her neck. "Can anybody else see – _EEEP!__"_

"LEENA!"

That had been no fall; something had dragged her into the darkness. Wendus let out a startled cry when Mario leapt after the senator, but a heartbeat afterward she had done the same, executing a nimble somersault. Once they had landed, they spun to face the monster – and saw a pink Power-Up Suit stuck in its maw.

"Shiitake!" Wendus growled. "We can't fire on it or we'll hit Peachpittine. But what else can we do?"

"Yes we can!" Mario realized with a start.

"Uhh… okay," Wendus said with a disbelieving laugh. "It was real sweet of you to reassure me that you'd take my side, but this is going a little overboard, don't you think?"

"No, no! She has the crazy converto-shield, right? It doesn't matter if we shoot her or not because our cannons will just bounce off!"

Wendus paused to consider that – and had to dive out of the way when a lance of violet electricity stabbed into the earth. The thing was getting tired of waiting for them to come to it. "Right. And what if that shield isn't quite as state-of-the-art as it's supposed to be? What happens if… if we end up killing the senator?"

Mario didn't have an answer to that. Instead, he simply fired a few missiles.

"AAAAH!" Leena screeched. "What are you _doing? _He's already trying to eat me, do you have to shoot at me, too? You're crazy!"

"If we don't kill it, eventually he _will _eat you!" Mario replied. "Just… just try not to think about it!"

"Easier said than done!"

The skirmish that followed was the most toiling work Mario had ever done, and that included a night spent in a flooding basement where no less than eighteen rusty pipes had all burst simultaneously. It felt like hours, even though the whole thing might have lasted ten or fifteen minutes. Wendus was a machine of destruction, utilizing her Super Missile Bills and Wave Beam alternately to varying degrees. It was Mario who realized the creature seemed to be in more pain from the Wave Beam when it was glowing purple, and his own Ice Beam did a lot more damage when it was whitish-blue. Even so, it did a lot more damage to them than they did to it, and it began to show.

"My shields are at fifteen," Wendus panted as she kicked off the wall and spiraled through the air. "I… I don't know how much longer we can keep this up. You?"

"Forty-one. It was… when you took that explosive spark right in the face, right? That's when you… lost so much power."

When it turned purple, they both switched to Wave Beam and pummeled it relentlessly, and it wailed in agony. Peachpittine angled her cannon into its mouth as it hung open enough and blasted, and it shuddered, causing the ground to tremble along with it. One of its legs lashed out and dug another deep trench in the earth between them.

"If we don't make it…" Wendus never finished this thought at all; Mario guessed she hadn't been too sure what she might say after that part, anyway. Then she loosed yet another Super Missile Bill into the mutated Goomboid's gut, which was turned slightly further down by Peachpittine's shield.

And suddenly it dropped her in agony. It staggered left, staggered right… howled. Then it charged directly for them. Mario's heart shot into his throat as he tried to step first one way, then froze when he realized it was going to step on him. Wendus careened into him from the side-

The beast lumbered past, then slowed down, then braced itself against a wall. However, all the shaking had all but destroyed the structural integrity of that chamber. A sharp cracking sound much like that of Birdley's spine rang out and the wall buckled. This time, the giant lab experiment screamed as it fell… and there was a distant noise of something going _CRUNCH_.

No one dared move for several seconds. They caught their breath and glanced between each other. Slowly, Peachpittine picked herself up and limped over to them. It was clear the knee of her suit was dented in, and she wasn't walking like someone with a broken limb but even so, all was not perfectly well.

On the other hand, she wasn't nearly as bad as Wendus. Every part of her suit was damaged. Whole pieces of armor had chipped away, leaving the secondary layer of the suit exposed. Mario breathed a sigh of relief when he couldn't see any skin or stretches of zero-suit through the holes; she would be riddled with radioactivity in seconds that would probably render her ill for months.

As they watched, her shield flickered and winked out. There was no mistaking it; now she was defenseless.

"We must go after it." Mario and Leena both made noises of protest, but she held up a firm hand. "No. I'm fine. We have to make sure this accursed thing is nothing but a memory or I'll never sleep at night again."

"You'll become nocturnal?" Apparently, she wasn't above punching Mario in the shoulder when he made a bad joke. He laughed. "Good, you're not _that _tired. Fine, let's put on the toe-tag."

Down they went. The jump was a little bit farther than they thought, and pain shot into his knees despite the suit's added shock absorbers. What they found at the bottom was a wreckage of the thing that had given them so much trouble. Every inch of its carapace was cracked and crumbling, and Trizon leaked out of its many opened veins. It looked like a mosquito on a speeding car's windshield, viewed at a billion times magnification.

"Ew."

"You said it," he told Leena. Both he and Wendus stepped forward and began to kick at it with their boots. It didn't move. Maybe it really was dead. "This thing gave us a run for our money, didn't it?"

"It did." She turned to Mario, gloved hand on her hip. "Well, tenderfoot, I guess you weren't such a burden after all. You're no sharp-shooter, but… I definitely couldn't have done this without you."

"Aww, you're making me blush."

"You went a long way for me," she told him soberly. "You risked your life several times for mine. This was a profitless, dangerous mission that no sane man would undertake, but you came along because you wanted to help me. I'd only be lying to myself if I pretended I didn't get that part. So… thanks."

"Anytime," he told her with a genuine grin on his face. "Anytime and anyplace."

_Blip! _"Seriously, I owe you one. Not that I want that to be public knowledge – reputation and all that – but after helping me bring down two monsters _and _saving me from my own fever dreams, it… you got some real brass meteorites, human, and a heart of platinum besides. That doesn't get rewarded often enough in this filthy, selfish universe we inhabit. If you ever need anything, let me know and I'll see what I can do."

"Wendy…" The word was full of awe at her offer. An instant later, he cleared his throat. "Sorry, Miss Oran."

"No," she whispered warmly. "We've played that game long enough; after all this, you've earned the privilege of calling me Wendy. Feel honored; it's a short list. Just… not in front of other people, got it? _That_ won't earn you anything but a severed tongue in a bloody mouth."

The imagery made his stomach clench, but the sentiment brought a tear to his eye. He'd seldom been touched and disgusted at the same time, but this was turning out to be a week chock-full of firsts. Unable to let it go at that, he extended his hand; she shook it with absolutely no hesitation.

Suddenly unsure of what else to do, he turned around to check on the senator... and nearly deposited a load into the suit's aft quarters.

"LEENA!" he shouted. "What the hell? You're gonna end up bald if you keep doing that!"

"Nothing!" she automatically piped, snatching up her arm cannon and stuffing her hand into it as she hastily pushed to her feet. "It... I'm sorry, I know I'm n-not supposed to expose myself to the radiation, but-"

"Wait." Wendus paced over to her; Leena backed up. It was only then that Mario saw what Wendus had seen; the supreme chancellor's other hand was behind her back, just enough for it to look like a casual, unconscious gesture instead of what it really was. "You're hiding something."

"No, I'm not."

"Whatcha got there?" When Leena didn't reply, Wendus put helmet to helmet and growled, "Fess up."

"I'm not sure I care for your tone, Space Hunter," Leena said coldly. Though her voice was quavering too much for her to pull off the 'ice queen' effect she was attempting. "Now why don't you step back a – HEY!"

"Hmm," Wendus said, taking the small tube from her tail. Mario had to admit, owning a fifth appendage would be a pickpocket's dream. "What do you suppose this is for? Let's open it and find out."

"Stop that! You give that back this instant! In the name of the Fungalactic Federation, I order you to- to..."

But everyone fell silent as Wendus tipped over the uncapped vial and poured out a modest amount of silvery-blue Trizon. It formed a tiny puddle when it splashed onto the cave floor.

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: What's THIS new development? Senator Peachpittine is up to sneaky things! By the way, if you've never watched Univision then this chapter's title will be slightly less amusing. Join us next episode when we find out just what dirty dealings have been going on under the table!<p> 


	14. Subversion And Conversion

- Chapter 14: Subversion And Conversion -

"What is the meaning of this?"

Leena Peachpittine didn't answer. She stood stock still, a pink-encrusted sentinel in the decimated chamber where the Goomboid abomination lay equally unmoving. Her eyes kept flicking between the small puddle of bluish mutagen that her vial had spilled and the nearby larger one that she had undoubtedly drawn it from.

"Leena," Mario slowly began, watching the two women cautiously and hoping he wasn't about to intervene in a firefight. The last thing he wanted was to choose sides. Again. "Come on, just... out with it. Why are you, uh, collecting Trizon? That's a pretty weird souvenir, any way you slice it."

"It is none of your concern," she said airily.

"I'm making it my concern." Wendus's voice was rough with anger already, but Mario had already come to know her well enough that she was straining to keep it in check. "What's this all about? Why do you need samples of this evil substance? To what _end, _I should say?"

Leena swallowed; it sounded thick and guilty in their helmet speakers. "Please, this is a matter of state. When I say it's none of your concern, I mean it is classified. Need-to-know basis."

"Right," Mario sighed. "And now Wendus is just going to say she needs to know, so I don't think there was much point in you trying that one."

"The man's pretty sharp, senator. I do need to know. After what all of us have witnessed, I think it's my sacred duty to find out." A brief hesitation; she glanced back down at the vial, then dropped it to the ground and stomped on it. "Did Gadd put you up to this? Is that the true reason you came along?"

"No!" she blustered. "Certainly not! I c-came to see to the Ambassador's well-being, you know that!"

"_Really?"_

"I..." Another difficult swallow, and now she turned to face Mario more directly. "Please, you really were my primary motivation, I promise; your well-being. It really was! You must believe me!"

"I knew it! I knew there was no way the mighty Peachpittine would scoot down here just to lend us an extra gun!" Wendus gave a harsh laugh, but afterward her voice was anything _but_ amused. "What were you and Four-Eyes hoping for? A new source of nuclear energy? To breed a race of mutated super-soldiers? Weapons of mass destruction? Biohazard warfare? More plagues, more bombings – another Geroshima with millions dead and billions more poisoned? The Cheepanese had to evacuate their home-world for _two __centuries _before it was inhabitable again!"

Mario swallowed now, feeling nauseous. It seemed there were black days in every history's past, no matter what parallel dimension you visited. Two hundred years of displacement?

"It had to be scrutinized," Leena said in her own defense. "In a controlled environment, with a respectable scientist like Gadd helming the project, w-we could have safely explored-"

"I don't think so," Wendus scoffed. "Come on, dump it all; I wanna see inside that arm cannon, too."

Instantly, everything shifted. Before, the chancellor had been cowed, almost servile. Now she straightened, her shoulders squared, her chin thrust upward. A fool would have thought this was her desperate attempt to take control of the situation, to defend cowardly actions. They would have been wrong.

"How dare you presume to order me around," she said in a low, dangerous tone. "Perhaps you question the wisdom of my actions, and that is your right as a citizen. However, you forget who you're speaking to; maybe I'm a sorry excuse for a soldier, but I remain the acting head of the Fungalactic Senate. That position demands a level of respect that I will not allow you to overstep."

"Screw your position," Wendus barked recklessly. "I'm not about to roll over just because you're the biggest big-wig and the stuffiest stuffed-shirt. After all we've seen, after we almost got _killed _by a Trizon freak, you're still willing to risk the quality of life across the stars for, for progress? It's not worth-"

"_It. __Is __not. __Your __concern._" She strode forward until their chests were level, their visors touching. Neither backed down. "I am Supreme Chancellor Peachpittine, and I make the rules. You don't have to like them, and you do not have to accept them gladly, but you _do _have to accept. It is beyond the rights of a lowly mercenary to challenge the government single-handedly, is that clear?"

Wendus had a surreal amount of rage in her voice as she spat, "As transparent aluminum, Your Grace."

"Good. Speak out of turn again and I will see you tried and executed for Conspiracy to Usurp."

Mario couldn't believe his ears. "Peach..."

No one moved for several chilling seconds. Then Leena turned away and said in a very quiet, very hollow voice, "That is not my name."

Wendus turned back to the broken monstrosity and began scanning it, a silent golem of fury. After a few more seconds, Mario _blipped_ Leena, but she rejected his request. He tried again.

"Leave me be."

"You didn't have to pull rank on her like that," he hissed, keeping his voice down even though they were in private communication. "She's understandably miffed; she sees what you did as betrayal, I think. I kind of do, too, but then again I also get that there's other stuff to consider that goes over my head."

"You don't understand," she sobbed. Maybe it was static, but Mario was mostly sure it was a sob. That Leena Peachpittine was weeping. "I... I loathe having to do that. Not like this, not when I do, in fact, understand her reservations. The problem is, even though I don't mind what she says to _me, _I can't let her say that to the _office _I hold. It is among my duties to ensure Supreme Chancellor remains a dignified institution that commands respect, which… which sometimes means I have to bring down the law. It goes with the title, with my job, but... how am I supposed to keep functioning? Every single time I have to put someone in their place, it forcibly reminds me of my _own_ place. Looking down on everything from my ivory tower. Isolated."

"Leena?"

"I'm so alone!" A second later she sniffled loudly, coughed, and sighed. "Right. Sorry, Ambassador, I... hadn't intended to say that last. For my sake, can we pretend I never let it slip out?"

"I don't think we can," Mario said gently. "But... as far as the rest of the world goes, sure. I got your back."

She turned to more fully face him. "This Brooklyn universe… it must be a wondrous place."

It was just as the hidden meaning in her statement crept up on him and threatened to make him blush that something occurred to him. Wendus had been silent for a long time. Slowly, he turned to scan the chamber and eventually found her crouched on the far side of it, studying a growth. He sent a request for a private conversation, but she ignored it completely. So he switched back to general broadcast and said, "Wendus?"

No answer.

"Wendus," he sighed as she approached, "Come on, let's… I think we should just get out of here. We accomplished what we set out to do."

"Did we?" there was an odd quality to the Space Hunter's voice. "Hmm… do you really know my purpose?"

"Is it to make me answer silly questions?"

She began to laugh. As she stood and turned, Mario suddenly noted that there was something bluish stretching over her shoulders and perched atop her head. _Enveloping _her head. When she had finished turning, she said, "My purpose is to spread. To feed. To multiply and overrun. It is my primary function."

"Shiitake," Mario breathed.

"What's wrong with her?" Leena whispered, just barely starting to come back to herself. "And what on Mushroombus is that on her helmet?"

"It's the crazy souped-up Goomboid – or some part of it. It has to be." Raising his cannon, he fired a careful shot that smacked against the creature without touching Wendus, but it bounced off. "Uh-oh."

"This creature will prove useful," the Wendus-Goomboid went on as it walked forward, its steps uncertain as it got used to controlling the body. "We can learn much from its mind about your universe before we conquer it."

Mario gritted his teeth and took aim again. "You get off of her, you creepy slug! There ain't no such thing as a free taxi in New York, and the same goes for Mallow!"

Then he shot again, this time with a Missile Bill. The creature shimmered and undulated, but was not harmed. It laughed. It laughed through Wendus's voice.

Without warning, a wave of dark energy lashed out and slammed into him, knocking him into the form of Leena who had been coming up behind him. They fell in a tangled heap of metal. When a Wave Beam surged out of the borrowed cannon of their friend, Leena flipped over and crouched over him.

"What are you-"

"Conversion shield," she panted, voice clearly panicked. She was so close now that even through her cracked visor he could see her wide, fearful eyes in the brilliant violet light that cascaded off her shield and left scorch marks on the rock walls all around them. "Won't hurt me. Got any good plans up your sleeve for such an eventuality as this?"

"No," he admitted. "I… I really never counted on having to fight Wendus, she's too powerful even _without _a Goomboid jacking up her arsenal!"

Then something a lot more substantial bounced off her shield, causing it to flicker. As it was doing so, another thing attached itself to Leena's suit; the field of energy was too disrupted for it to repel a second projectile. Worst of all, the projectile was a small Goomboid who was trying to latch onto her suit with its infant tusks.

"Get off!" Mario snapped, shooting an Ice Beam shot at it. Of course, it froze, and then a missile shattered it. Taking only a second to decide, Mario yanked off one of the missile expansions he was carrying and shoved it onto Leena's cannon. "Here, take it!"

"Wh-what is it?"

"Missiles! You-" Then another energy wave swept over them; despite the conversion shield, they were still pushed a few inches along the ground. "Just be ready when I freeze 'em, got it? If I have to keep switching back and forth between Ice Beam and Missile Bills, I'll go nuts!"

"I'll be ready," she said grimly.

Another Goomboid was already closing on them when they got to their feet. Mario froze it and Leena shattered it, letting out a triumphant blast of laughter when she did so. Turning their attention to the bigger threat, they saw it was spawning yet another one, leaving a pool of silvery Trizon on the floor as it did so.

"It's giving birth," Leena gasped in amazement. "Even while perched atop Miss Oran's shoulders and commandeering her, it still…"

"I'll call Jack Hanna to do a special on spawning Goomboids later!" He fired two icy blasts, one at the newborn Goomboid and one at the mother. The baby was easily frozen, but that was where his luck ended. "Ah, dammit…"

"Look out!" Leena darted in front of him just in time to act as a human shield, and several bursts of energy ricocheted into the walls. Once the danger had momentarily passed, she fired a missile at the baby Goomboid almost as an afterthought, shattering it. "Oh, I do feel awful about harming them; they're only trying to survive…"

"So are we, Princess; so are we. Crap, here we go again – this way!"

He had noticed the creature's head was beginning to glow, as if to release a blast of energy so impressive that he wasn't sure Professor Gadd's fancy shield would be able to weather it. Terrified, they raced around the outer rim of the chamber, but just as they were about to stop, Mario found himself slipping and sliding in a puddle of the disgusting creature's afterbirth. He went down hard on his back, and Leena whirled around to help him up, keeping a wary eye on their enemy…

But a curious thing happened. Mario began to glow. His entire body lit up like a Christmas tree. As forks of tiny lightning shot here and there across his armor, he felt a welling power within himself. What was happening to him?

"The puddle… it's reacting to your armor," Leena breathed. Then she gasped and shouted, "The armor! It's been infected by Trizon already! Wh-what should I do? Tell me what I can do to stop this!"

"I don't know, either! Just… stand back, I might blow up!"

"BLOW UP? No, I shan't let that happen, Ambassador, there must be something-" Then, when he suddenly shot to his feet as if yanked there on a string, she squealed, "Mario!"

His cannon fired all on its own several times; Mario felt the recoil bruise his shoulder joint. Was he really losing control of his body? One of the shots slammed into the creature devouring Wendus's head, and the thing let out such a high-pitched shriek that both Mario and Leena fruitlessly tried to cover their ears through their helmets.

It took a few seconds for the meaning behind it to reach his brain. He'd hurt it. That last blast had hurt it. Straightening, he experimentally moved his arms a little and was satisfied to find he was back in control of himself again. Grinning, he fired another blast at the Goomboid.

It writhed and pitched, it undulated. The beam itself was wide and rippling with raw energy, and every time it slammed into the bonded pair the parasite recoiled and screamed again.

"You w-will not separate us!" it declared as he pummeled it with shot after shot. He noted there was an oddly hoarse quality to Wendus's voice now, as if it was having a much tougher time controlling her. Then, suddenly, she said, "Kill me!"

"What?"

"Do it now, tenderfoot! I c-can't fight it off, and it won't let me go, so you have to end this quick! Just do it, there's no time to think!"

"But I could never do that!" he protested. "Not after all we've been through on this stupid planet! Geez, talk about ending things on a down note!"

"No time! No _choice!__" _ Her words were getting hoarse again. "You… you two have to go on! You have to live to… destroy this blasted Trizon! Just… kill… us!"

A coldness settled into his bones as he watched the parasite's tentacles gripping desperately at the Power-Up Suit, determined to engulf every bit of her now. Either he started shooting again immediately, or there was going to be no chance of freeing her without freeing her from the mortal realm entirely. Even a hasty attack could still kill her.

Mario looked down at his Trizon-infused armor. His brain was racing, his temples were pouring sweat. A crazy plan took shape in his head, and he almost disregarded it because it was just too incredibly stupid to attempt. Stupid, reckless, and insane.

_Blip! _"What is it, Ambassador?"

"I'm about to try something really dumb," he began. "When I give you the signal, I need you to give me a little hug, okay?"

"A hug?" She cleared her throat. "Pardon me, but is that some sort of military code? For a bomb, perhaps? I'm not versed in such-"

"Maybe, but I'm just a plumber, and when I say 'hug' I mean a hug. Got me? We don't have much time!"

She hesitated, then replied with no small amount of uncertainty. "Very well, then. One hug, on your orders."

Nodding, he switched back to broadcast. "HEY! Listen up, you bastard!"

The room was silent for a moment. Then Wendus said, "Feed. Overrun. Consume."

"You have two options!" He raised his cannon and pointed it straight at the creature. "You can die right here, right now when I waste you… or you can take me instead!"

"WHAT?" Leena shouted, unable to keep silent.

"We do not negotiate," the creature said with the Space Hunter's vocal cords. "We multiply and reshape the universe for our purposes."

"You won't be doing a whole lot of that if you're a scorch mark, will you? Now what's it gonna be? Switch hosts, or eat laser beam?"

Everyone held perfectly still for several seconds. Then, to the astonishment of the two humans, the weird beast began to crawl from around Wendus's shoulders. "We do not understand. What does this profit you? The end result will be the same."

"I want her to live." It was bald honesty that time. "That's profit enough."

"So be it." Then, with no further warning, the beast lunged from Wendus and onto Mario.

"NO!" Leena screamed, taking a step forward. "This can't be- I can't lose you, I mustn't let this happen!"

Mario said nothing. He felt the tendrils wrap around him, felt it reacting with his suit even though it was not a part of him. Then, somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard dull echoes of a voice saying, "This… it feels familiar. We have already been here."

"NOW!"

After only a few seconds of indecision, Leena raced forward and threw her arms around him from behind and slightly to one side. Just as he'd hoped, her hybridized conversion-shield immediately crackled to life… and far better than he'd hoped, the Goomboid did not like it.

To be more accurate, the Goomboid immediately began to thrash and seek refuge elsewhere. That wasn't part of Mario's plan. Gritting his teeth against the pain echoing through his mind due to the creature's agony, he reached up with both hands and held the oddly-shaped head against his own, feeling it vibrate as the shield tried to repel something that had already penetrated into its radius so deeply… feeling it shake itself apart. Blobs of disconnected bits dribbled through his fingers and to the ground, splashing, some of it pure liquid but some of it a bit pulpier. He almost filled his helmet.

"You… are… not to be… trusted…"

"Not by evil bottom-feeders, no," Mario growled through his teeth, feeling it clawing at him both physically and mentally. "Now… leave… my friends… _alone!__"_

It was mostly futile for him to speak at all. By this point, there was very little left of the beast; it had melted into several puddles as the two Power-Up Suited humans staggered around the chamber, enduring increasingly-feeble blows from its tendrils. Then, at long last, the rest of it dissolved into blue-tinted organic waste and lay on the rocky floor, unmoving.

"Whew," Mario gusted.

"That… was genius. Trizon is mostly energy, and my shield- if it unraveled the primary binding agent, then... genius." After catching her breath for a few more seconds, she reached out and slapped Mario across the face; the inside of his helmet rang with a metallic din. "Genius and _deranged! _Why didn't you _tell_ me that's what you were going to attempt? I nearly sullied my flight suit!"

He shrugged nervously. "Well… I didn't think you'd be on board with the plan. You and Wendus were already yelling at each other before the Cthulhu-wannabe made its move; I couldn't be too sure that-"

"Of _course_ I would have assisted you! I know how close the two of you have become during the past week!" She cleared her throat meaningfully. "Not that I know precisely _how_ close that may be, but that is neither here nor there."

"So just for me, you would have helped me rescue her? Really?"

There was a weak chuckle; she was still too shaken by the recent chain of events to find anything truly humorous. "What can I say? My affinity for the man from Brooklyn runs quite deep. Still, despite what you may think of me, I would have done what I could to save her regardless; all of the high-level criminals she's apprehended have helped create a safer Rosetta Galaxy for us all. She is too great a boon to waste on some, some… radioactive slug. The universe could do with a few more Wendus Orans."

"Even if they thumb their nose at your authority?"

"Perhaps… _because _of it. Especially. Don't tell her I said as much." Then she turned toward the prone form of their comrade. "We should probably be checking on the hunter; oh, what if we were too late?"

That turned out to be a non-issue; she was already sitting up by the time they reached her side, hand clutching at her head as if she had a killer migraine. "Ooh… anybody get the license number of that Bob-ombdamn shuttlecraft?"

Wendus sputtered a bit when both humans squeezed her heartily, loosing cries of joy that she was relatively unharmed. Then at last she pushed them away and demanded to know what had transpired while her mind was blanketed by the thoughts of an alien entity. It took a few minutes to recount their hastily-concocted scheme, and a few more minutes for her to finish shouting angrily at Mario for trying such a foolish thing.

"Fine," she spat at long last. "I still think you should have just wasted both of us when you had a clear shot, but… I guess I should be grateful you cared enough to try, and thanking our lucky stars that you succeeded. Hats off to you, you crazy son of a Stitch."

"That's just how I roll," he laughed. "But you're welcome."

"I see your suit is back to normal, too," she told him as if startled. "Where'd the Trizon layer go?"

"Back into the Trizon beast, I'm guessing. No more optional undercoating for me! Too bad… I liked the sleek look of the black. I'll be beyond glad to get out of here, though."

"Let's do that post-haste," Peachpittine interjected. "We've all had a bellyful of this wretched mudball, and I should dearly love to go back to my safe, boring rooms at the senate."

Wendus nodded slowly, then turned to stare directly at the politician. "Right. There's just one more item on the itinerary then, I guess. About those samples you were collecting…"

"Here we go again," Mario groaned.

"Keep 'em." Sighing, she began to walk toward the wall where they had fallen down into the chamber. "I still think no good will ever come from tampering with the Maker's designs, but you were right; it's not my problem and it's not my duty to police my superiors. Sorry for all those mean things I threw in your face."

Leena nodded slowly, thoughtfully, then let out a sigh of her own. "That's good of you to say. I expect I should also apologize for overreacting to your disrespect; of course I would never have someone executed simply for questioning my judgment. Half my fellow delegates would be in graveyards already."

They all allowed themselves a small snicker at the dark humor, then looked as one to the abandoned exoskeleton of their foe. "Goomboid Prime," Wendus dubbed it. "The big daddy of all our problems. Can it really be dead? I mean, it came back for us once already."

"Hmm..." Peachpittine took a step toward the puddles, looked around at the veins of Trizon running throughout the walls. "This substance... it's highly reactive, is it not?"

"_Radio_active." Mario seemed to be the only one who realized he'd been making a joke, but he decided not to laugh at it himself and therefore come across as even less cool.

"Would one of you be willing to carry me?" She took a deep breath. "I... hate to go this route, but it really is the best and simplest way to buy ourselves a bit of insurance against Goomboid Prime's return."

Wendus crossed her arms. "Mind if I ask what's bumping around in that royal head of yours, Majesty?"

"Not much; just yet another self-destruct sequence."

-o-o-o-o-

"Three, two, one... there it went."

"Yep," Wendus breathed as she gently set Leena down on the spongy earth.

"Gadd is going to be furious with me," she sighed as she removed her helmet – which was all that remained of her Power-Up Suit. Without that added weight, the supreme chancellor had presented no great burden, and Mario already knew the Koopan-Yozo hybrid could run like the wind when necessary. In light of all that, it wasn't much of a favor. "But it had to be done. For everyone's sake."

"Let's get you in the ship and run those bio-scans," Mario told her nervously. "I'm worried about the radiation. If we can nip it in the bud-"

"Yes, fine," Leena grumbled, shaking out her luxurious ringlets of hair that had spent far too long being smooshed into the helmet. Then she stretched, and the pink fabric of her flight suit stretched with her; he felt a flush when he realized he was paying a bit _too _close attention to the trim cut of her figure, but he rationalized that it was because he'd only ever seen her wearing voluminous robes or clunky steel body-sleeves. Even so, he averted his eyes for a few seconds until he looked a little less flustered. "I'm telling you, I don't feel any different; you do realize that my flight suit provides _some _nominal shielding from the hostile elements, don't you?"

"Not radiation," Wendus pointed out as she slid her own visor up, taking a satisfying gulp of fresh air. "Unless that's yet another thing Gadd has improved in his wacky lab."

Leena flashed her a smirk. "Wouldn't _you _love to know?"

"Hmph." They began walking up the hill toward where the two ships waited to transport them off Mallow IV once and for all. As they moved, a thought struck Wendus. "Say… I just realized I never saw the rest of your sample vials. Got 'em stashed in a pocket in that flight suit?"

Leena turned back, covering her mouth in an overly-dramatic fashion. "Oh my gracious! I seem to have forgotten to collect them before I blew the suit to atoms! How about that? Nothing to be done about it now, though – and I can't go back for more without a proper suit. Aww… such a pity."

Mario wished he'd had a camera on hand to capture the enormous grin spreading across Wendus's face; it was probably a biennial occurrence.

"Won't Gadd be ticked that you failed to deliver the goods?" Mario asked as Leena waved at Officer Buboba Shiggzi, who looked beyond relieved that the exploration party was in one piece.

"There are many, many perks to being Supreme Chancellor, Ambassador; telling angry scientists to take their objections and cork them isn't even the greatest among them."

"Really? Then what else is there?"

Leena's eyes danced with tiny lights. "Have you ever tasted fine, imported Aldebaran chocolates? I assure you, it's extremely beneficial to be on a first-name basis with their governor."

Just then, there was an earthquake. All three adventurers looked between each other, alarmed, and then Wendus breathed, "The crater. We were pretty deep in there, and with the Trizon being as unstable as it must be… Chancellor, I suggest we don't stick around to take HoloVids of the scenery."

"Wise council, my good hunter. Off we go!"

Leena quickly hopped into the _Parasol_, ignoring Bob's questioning glances at her lack of armor plating, and Mario and Wendus boarded the _Red __Pearl_. In seconds, they had achieved orbit.

"One of these days, I really will leave a planet on my own schedule," Wendus sighed, ripping off her helmet and carelessly dropping it onto the floor by her captain's chair.

"Probably not, knowing you." Mario also removed his helmet, and they both ran fingers through their matted hair. "So what now? Back to GSL so I can let the Prof have his top-secret zoot suit back?"

"I suppose that makes sense." She turned to Mario and their eyes met. In an instant, hers shifted from tired and amused to profoundly thankful, and Mario had to turn away; it made him uncomfortable for anybody to look at him like that, and yet the more he played the hero "game", the more it kept cropping up. But all Wendus said was, "Strange."

"Strange?"

"Yeah, you are." She punched him on the shoulder and he smiled good-naturedly, but her earnest tone of voice put a lump in his throat the minute she continued speaking. "I never thought I'd trust another person this much; not after Toadam and I parted ways all those years ago. Yet... well, sometimes life can surprise you, that's all. Really, pleasantly surprise you."

"Don't beat yourself up about it too much," he began gruffly. "After all, hey, you're only a woman, and I'm a handsome, strapping young man with huge muscles and a great mustache. How could you help yourself?"

The stark absurdity of his statement completely took all the words out of Wendus's mouth. She gaped, she sputtered, she glared. Then… she began to giggle. Not her usual derisive laugh, or a bawdy chortle, but she giggled like an immature schoolgirl. And even though they had just stopped a radioactive mutant who was trying to take over their minds, even though a giant purple pterodactyl and a clone of himself were probably out there right now plotting revenge, _this, _without a doubt, was the strangest thing Mario had ever experienced in his whole life.

_***To Be Continued!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: Aaand that wraps up the big climax of Mario's outer space adventures! Don't worry, there's two more chapters of fun to be had before I call it quits. Did you like my almost-clever plot twists, or could they use some more work? Let me knoooow!<p> 


	15. Don't Let The Warp Zone Hit You

- Chapter 15: Don't Let The Warp Zone Hit You On The Way Out -

Two ships remained in orbit above Mallow IV long enough to determine the extent of the damage. The Cradle, impact crater and all trace of Ludviathan were completely gone. Lingering flickers of Trizon were still there, but most of it had been eradicated; a few of the mutations in flora and fauna would likely be permanent, but at least the planet could resume its normal evolutionary pace. Most of the Space Plumber installations were crippled and ruined, and they had been abandoned by the few surviving workers. Mario hoped fervently that the planet would be able to regain its peaceful quietude in their absence.

All in all, a good day's work. When they returned to Gaddologic Space Labs, however, the professor was less than pleased with the results of their excursions.

"One prototype _gone, _no Trizon samples?" he fretted, pacing so fast that he kept knocking things off tables. "Goodness me, this really has been a failed mission, a mission failed!"

"Take it easy, Doc," Wendus soothed him. "We did the best we could. At least you've got Mario's suit to collect data and whatnot from, right?"

"I was hoping to collect the data from the data collector," the old man shot pointedly at the plumber, who hung his head. "But now it's curiously absent! This is why we can't have nice things!"

Wordlessly, Mario handed over the pile of armor, feeling oddly itchy in his old clothes again. It had only been for a few days, but somehow he had begun to think of the Power-Up Suit as a second skin. He looked at it longingly. "Man, it's gonna be rough going back to Fire Flowers and Starmen after having the Ice Beam at my side twenty-four, seven."

"Twenty-four-seven?" Gadd paused, then smiled in recognition. "Ahh, might that be some sort of measurement of time in your native universe? Twenty-four _whats, _if you don't mind me asking?"

"I hope you're not too cross about the loss of the samples," Leena interrupted, her regal baring back in place (along with her regal clothing). "I assure you, everything in our power was done to procure them, but there were forces beyond our reckoning. In my humble opinion, it is for the best."

"Yes, yes," he said distractedly as he placed the breastplate of Mario's suit on a sensor pad, where it automatically began to download a stream of data it had collected. "If the situation arises again wherein I may get a sample of that Trizon, though, get it I shall! This could have applications for combating various medical conditions, like cancer or Pidget's Disease. Oh, all those possibilities…"

Leaving him to mutter and bemoan, they turned to each other. Leena cleared her throat delicately. "Well, I suppose I'm on my way back to Mushroombus Five. Anyone care to accompany me?"

"I have work to do here," Wendus said. "Weapons upgrades to tinker with – and I bet Clash will want to look over the afterburner I never gave him the chance to finish testing. Plus, there's the matter of my fee, since _I _held up my end of the agreement." A casual shrug. "After that, I probably will follow you there to collect my bounty for Birdley – that is, if you're willing to put in a good word."

"Obviously I shall." She rubbed her face – a decidedly non-regal gesture – and then said, "I can't recklessly believe that he's truly dead, but I saw you do your level best to remove him from the realm of the living with my own two eyes; you deserve every bit of that reward money and not a credit less."

Wendus nodded, coolly satisfied, then turned to Mario. "What about you, tenderfoot? Any plans?"

"You could at least start calling me 'apprentice' or 'journeyman' or something," he said with a playful sulkiness. "After I saved your bacon, you really still think of me as some rookie?"

"Point taken," she laughed.

Mario shrugged, then turned his eyes slightly to one side. "In case you didn't pick up on it, that was me asking for a job."

The laugh caught in her throat. She blinked a few times – glanced at Peachpittine as if she held any answers, earning her a bewildered shrug – and turned back to Mario. "You're… I'm sorry, I must have some leftover Trizon in my ears. You… want to be a Space Hunter? And for us to work together?"

"Sure, why not? Beats slinging burgers for a living; I'm not cut out to do anything else in this universe. Geez, I bet futuristic plumbing would take me a whole 'nother decade to learn if I went back to my old trade, so forget that."

"Oh, I don't think so, sir. Come on, you and I barely get along on the best of days. This really strikes you as a sane arrangement, cooping us up on my tiny gunship for the rest of our lives?"

Mario grinned wickedly. "Oh, I dunno… a few throw pillows, some beaded curtains… it'll be a cozy love nest."

It was Wendus's turn to be twitchy as she glanced at both the professor and the chancellor out of the corner of her eye, but Gadd was absorbed in his data readouts and Leena was suddenly very interested in the lighting fixtures hanging from the ceiling. Wendus turned back and glared down at him, eyes twin slits. "Not funny, little man. Not funny at all."

"Why fight it? If we spend all our time working together, eventually one thing will lead to another, and… well, the family that bounty-hunts together-"

"How would you like me to follow through on my previous offer of a free-of-charge vasectomy?"

"Children, please," Leena said, straining not to laugh out loud at them. "If you can't stop fighting I'll turn this space station around, I promise you!"

Once quiet had fallen for a few seconds, Wendus told him in a clear voice, "The day I agree to partner up with you will be the day I'm completely out of options, plumber. Remember that."

"Partner up?" Gadd put in, re-inserting himself into the conversation in the most jarring way possible. "Why would he do such an unproductive thing when he can go back to his previous continuum of residence and simply take up his old trade there?"

Everyone stared at him blankly. "What are you talking about?" Mario asked blankly. Then, with a sudden sharp breath, he remembered. "The portal! Your experiments, you – holy crap, you mean it? You figured out a way to send me home?"

"Didn't I say that already? No matter, no matter, it remains true; yes, I was eventually able to pinpoint an interdimensional frequency based on the flower you gave me. The coin was of absolutely no use, but, well, would you mind my keeping it? To have minted currency from a parallel universe – ah, what a treasure!"

Mario started to tell him he could, then smiled. "Actually, no. I have something else in mind for that."

Gadd blinked, then made a sour face and handed it to Mario – proving that he had been carrying it around for good luck. "Fine, fine. Spoilsport."

"This is for you, Leena," he said, trying not to feel like he was trying to propose to her. "I mean, not really from me to you, but from one kingdom to another; a small token. It is our coin-of-the-realm, after all."

In spite of his efforts, her cheeks became tinged with pink as she took it into her gloved hands. "I will cherish-" Blinking, she cleared her throat. "That is, the _people _will cherish this otherworldly artifact; I shall see to it that the Sporesonian Museum affords it prominent display."

"Well," Gadd pouted while folding his arms. "Guess I can't argue against it being put to _that _use."

"But you simply cannot leave just yet," she went on with an imploring smile. "You shan't be the only one given gifts! I insist that you return to the Senate for a small ceremony in your honor, as both hero and newly-appointed Ambassador of Brooklyn. It… is the least I can do after you continuously saved me from getting myself killed whilst chasing after monsters."

"A party in his honor," Wendus grumbled. "All he needs is a bigger swelled head."

"Jealous?" Mario goaded.

Her lip curled upward into an amazingly-haughty sneer. "Hardly. The only swelling I require is in my bank account, thanks."

-o-o-o-o-

In spite of her protestations, however, she did attend the ceremony – seated far, far back in the crowd, wearing her ever-present Power-Up Suit. Mario was dressed in nigh-regal finery that he'd never have been able to touch otherwise, presented with an ornamental blade and some kind of fragrant wreath, and given a very showy-yet-ceremonial kiss on the cheek by Peachpittine herself.

He was also presented with several items that were to be given to the government of his homeland (he restrained himself from mentioning that technically he wasn't going to end up chatting with the US President anytime soon, but he figured the princess would probably enjoy the stuff just as much). These included a Fungalactic Federation banner, a platinum credit (they were only minted for such purposes, since all money was now digital), a quarter-size replica of the "racial unity" fountain statue Mario had observed before, a beautiful leather-bound book detailing the history of the Mushroombus System translated into "Ancient Fungish" (which used almost the exact same alphabet and sentence structure as English), and, of course, a box of Aldebaran chocolates. Leena put the last item into his hands personally with a small, secret smile.

A lot of senators and rich so-and-sos came up and shook his hand at the cocktail party afterward, asking increasingly awkward questions about his homeworld. "Do you have interplanetary travel yet?" "Are there three genders in this Brooklyn, or merely two?" "How on earth did a primitive like you achieve a dimensional leap in the first place?" Luckily, the supreme chancellor and Toadsworth had arranged for a blushing young Fungish girl dressed in a stunning red gown to take his arm and lead him around the ballroom as if with a purpose whenever he began to look overwhelmed.

"I haven't caught your name yet," he finally said during their fourth trip to the refreshments table.

"Odettua," she whispered shyly. After a moment of indecision, she cleared her throat and volunteered, "I'm… Toadsworth's g-grand-niece. Gosh, both my hearts are beating so fast…"

"Oh," he said, disappointed in himself that he couldn't think of anything better to say. _Two _hearts? "Well, uh… thanks for the assists. I was never any good at this kind of party; I'm better with the ones where everybody's dancing, full to the gills with cheap booze and one dumb guy has a lampshade on his head."

It made him feel a little more relaxed when she giggled, this time because he was funny and not because she was nervous. The whole stuffy affair wasn't anything resembling fun, but it became bearable after that.

-o-o-o-o-

"I've been meaning to ask you something."

Leena Peachpittine turned from her datapad with a relieved expression. He had the strong feeling whatever reports she was scrutinizing were probably more boring than an encyclopedia of different types of dirt. "Yes, Ambassador?"

"Quit calling me that, Your Majesty," he said pointedly, and she pursed her lips through her smile. "About this, uh… that 'Limbo' you threatened Marius with. What the heck is it?"

"It's highly classified is what it is," she told him with a warning look. "Of course, I understand that you would be naturally curious, but it can't be helped; my lips are sealed."

"Then let me talk out of my tuckus for a second, and you can pretend you're not listening. Sounds to me like it's some super-secure prison where only the worst of the worst are locked up." Peachpittine merely blinked slowly, passively. "And… maybe ones you think you can get something out of someday. Hence the, uh, _not _killing them."

Leena sat back, posture rigid. "That is a _very _fascinating theory, Mr. Mario. Fascinating… and insightful. And that's all I'm at liberty to say."

Mario shivered. "Goes on everywhere, I guess; P.O.W.'s, shakedowns, blackmail and fraud and dirty dealings under the table…"

"Yes, it does. All we can do is try and keep such unscrupulousness from becoming _standard __practice_." Then she flashed him a too-bright smile. "So! Now I bet you're just dying to enter the wonderful and thrilling high wire act that is politics, aren't you?"

They both shared a dark laugh. Mario was about to ask her another question when the loudspeaker came to life, saying, "We'll be docking at GSL in five minutes, Your Excellency."

Peachpittine actually reached out and thumped the nearest speaker grille. "Bob!"

"I mean, _Sir, _Sir. Sorry."

"Everybody thinks it's _sooo _funny! I wonder how funny it would be if I started playing along, calling them peons and servants!"

Mario raised an eyebrow. "I'm a peon, huh? Cool."

"Obviously you would not be a peon. You would be a noble general in the queen's army; I would knight you myself." Then she suddenly turned redder than her traveling shawl, which was already a brilliant crimson. "What in Bob-omb's name am I saying? Forgive my flights of fancy! I was more than happy to give you that ceremony, but arranging such things can be truly tiresome. I think I need a vacation."

Rather than answer and risk embarrassing her further, Mario just shook his head and smiled.

Within minutes, the two of them (and Buboba) were joining Toadsworth and shy Odettua in tromping down the Space Lab's hallways. There was also a scraggly Leopardian boy with bluish fur whose job it was to push along the hover-cart full of Mario's gifts and other things; he had to huff and puff a bit to pull this off.

Everything was ready to go when he reached Gadd's inner sanctum. A strange ring-like device was standing at the far end of the enormous room with hundreds of thick cables running to it. Some of them were a little dusty, which worried Mario, but Gadd assured him this would affect nothing.

"I told you I had been experimenting with this technology for years," the old man said as he checked and re-checked a dozen dials and gauges. "This was all lying in an old storage facility; I was too excited about the tests to bother cleaning them off."

"That's reassuring, I guess." Then he turned to Leena. "Well, I guess this is it, then."

"I suppose it is." Her sharp, benevolent eyes flicked to the lights powering up around the ring, then to the boy parking the luggage cart in front of it. "You've certainly made my life a bit more entertaining over the past week. I was honored by your visit."

"Maybe I'll make it back this way again," he said with a smile. "And hey, Gadd has the key to our front door if you ever wanna take that vacation. You could _really _get away from it all!"

She laughed, voice tinkling like a wind chime in a gentle breeze. As she did so, Toadsworth strode forward and pumped his hand vigorously. "Good to have you here, sonny. Try not to fall down any wormholes anytime soon!"

"I'll try, I'll try. Take care of yourself – and you too, little lady." Odettua merely flushed and looked down at her feet. Then he reached out for Leena's hand with a smile. "Don't be a stranger."

She took it, but then she angled it so that the back of hers faced upward; a highly regal gesture from the woman who insisted so angrily that she wasn't royalty. Playing along, he kissed her hand and she "hmm"ed like a mildly-amused queen. Then, when he started to drop back, she placed both hands on either of his shoulders and took a step in.

"I really shall miss you. It's… almost more than I can stand to give you back to your people."

Catching the suddenly-expectant looks from Toadsworth and Professor Gadd, Mario cleared his throat and tried to shrug her sentiment off. "Hey, I'm no great shakes; if you've seen one plumber you've seen 'em all!"

"I have seen this plumber do great things." She bit her bottom lip as if considering her next words carefully, then beamed up at him and shrugged. "Don't forget me."

"Never gonna happen, Leena," he whispered nervously. Her eyelashes fluttered. She leaned in…

"Looks like we're just in time, huh?"

Everyone whipped around in shock, hearts pounding – even the Leopardian bellboy had been holding his breath in anticipation. Both Ligu and Daiza were doubled up in laughter, and Daiza even went so far as to grab her plus-one's arm for support when she couldn't catch her breath. As they continued making a scene, Wendus folded her arms over her chest and stalked forward, drawling, "Don't stop on our account; I was just about to go get a box of Frosted Shroomy Bites and settle in to enjoy the show."

"Wowzers, I was waiting for the background music to swell!" Daiza cackled.

"Thank you very much indeed!" Leena bristled, still patting her chest to calm her galloping pulse. "I can see I'll have to reconsider my promise not to issue death warrants!"

"You do that." Then, trying not to look pleased with herself for interrupting the chancellor's semi-romantic overtures, Wendus turned to Mario. "If you're not too busy schmoozing all kinds of women who are way too good for you, I got you a going-away present."

Mario didn't trust himself to speak yet without his voice squeaking, so he just glared. However, his annoyance faded when he saw the small translucent card in her outstretched hand. It was a smoky black with a large six-point star emblazoned on the middle. "What… what is this?"

"Space Hunter Certification." She shrugged as he examined it. "Figured if that crazy contraption doesn't work and you get boomeranged back into our galaxy, the least I could do was this. You know, so you won't be a drain on Her Highness's treasury."

"Seriously? I'm an official Space Hunter?" Grinning, he held it up to the light; he didn't know exactly what he was looking for, but the effect was still visually interesting. "Wow. I mean, thanks, this is pretty nifty."

Her grin looked smug and self-satisfied on the surface, but beneath it he could tell she was genuinely happy that he liked the gift. "It makes it easier that you _technically_ helped me complete two missions if you include Mother Drain. Also, I have an acquaintance that works for the guild who helped me expedite your approval. Believe me, when Desert Claw says 'jump', the rest say 'Will hyperspeed be enough, Sir?'"

"Better than I could have done," Ligu chuckled as he joined them, still wiping a tear from his eye. "All set to blast off, Brother-From-Another-Plumber?"

"Yeah, I guess," he said with a bittersweet grin. "You guys have been great and all, but-"

"Then stay," Leena said with a small, hopeful smile. "We'd be more than happy to make room for you in our myriad star systems."

Ligu nudged him with his elbow. "Sure, man; you're welcome to my couch anytime you need it."

"Guess it wouldn't be the worst thing to happen," Wendus conceded under her breath.

"Thanks, everybody; I mean it! But no, I... _argh, _it's a really tempting offer because I like you guys, but I got things to take care of at the next exit off this space-time highway. Raincheck?"

"Standing invitation," Leena tittered, even though the laughter didn't quite reach her sad eyes.

"Take care of yourself," Daiza said, hugging him and pecking him on the cheek. "Ligu tells me he has a clone on your side of the looking glass, so, uh... take care of him, too. For me."

As he assured her he would, Ligu pounded him on the back. "And tell him to take care of your Daiza – I mean, if there even is one. Otherwise, I'll have him so tied up in red tape that he'll be paying back-taxes for the rest of his life!"

"Right," Mario laughed. Then he turned to face Leena and Wendus, the two he had gone through Hell and high water with. Leena was dabbing at the corners of her eyes with a handkerchief, but Wendus was just blinking at him passively. Stoic to the very end.

"Almost operational," Gadd mentioned in an off-hand manner. "One minute more and I do believe the lateral wormhole should be anchored to this Mushroom Land of yours."

"Okay," he sighed. "That's my boarding call. It's been... educational, everybody."

Mario's heart felt heavy in his chest as he pushed the hover-cart up to Gadd's glowing, crackling portal generator. When it suddenly gave off a brilliant flash, he ducked behind his belongings, then peered over the top of them. Distantly, he could hear the Etakongs in their cages chattering in alarm, but within seconds another lab attendant was rushing over to soothe them.

"That was supposed to happen," Gadd assured them, though he was adjusting his spectacles and smoothing down his few wisps of gray hair. "In you go."

Without knowing what else to say, he merely looked back at the small group of friends he'd made in such a short time. From somewhere, he summoned a winning smile, which they returned in various states of bleariness. Then he girded himself to go home.

And he found himself slightly confused.

"What... am I seeing here, exactly, Professor?"

"Hmm?" Gadd leaned over to peer more directly into the portal, as he had been monitoring the energy levels at the nearby console. "Ah. Well, not that I've been a participant in a wealth of medieval battles myself, but my best guess would be... a castle under siege."

"That's what I thought." He gritted his teeth as he helplessly watched wave after wave of Koopa Troopas and Paragoombas descend on Toadstool Castle. A few stray mushroom guards were doing their best to swat them away, but the Doom Ship hovering in the distance didn't bode well in the slightest. "Looks like my triumphant return will be just in time..."

"There's so many of them," Daiza breathed.

"Yeah," Ligu followed up. "And it looks to me like they're winning. You sure you wanna go back to a world like that, man?"

"Professor." To Mario's surprise, it was Wendus speaking as she strode forward, sharp eyes narrowed at the scene playing out in another reality. "How long can you keep this portal open?"

"Well, that all depends; given the standard flux of the axis of space-time, the unquantifiable-"

"Rough estimate."

"About an hour, give or take," he said with a shrug. "But I wouldn't bet any real credits on longer than forty-five minutes."

"Perfect. That should do."

-o-o-o-o-

Luigi was filled with an unparalleled amount of dread as he watched Bowser Koopa's flying fortress rapidly growing larger in the midday sky. For now, he and the mushrooms were doing a half-decent job of keeping the castle from being overrun by underlings, but as soon as that thing was within firing range...

"Princess!" he shouted over his shoulder, hopping from one Goomba to another. "How long until those catapults are stocked with fresh produce again?"

"Not long!" Peach Toadstool yelled back in return as she helped one of her royal retainers wench the catapult's throwing arm back down. "I'm waiting on Toad to reload!"

"Here I am, Your Green-Thumbliness!" Toad squeaked, tossing a half-dozen basketball-sized turnips into the basket. "Let 'er rip anytime!"

Luigi raised his arm high, even while delivering a kick to the face of a lone Troopa who had managed to scale the wall. Then he dropped his arm to signal the crew in the courtyard, shouting, "FIRE!"

Vegetables rained down on the unsuspecting henchmen, knocking a few of them unconscious. Still, it wasn't enough. The Doom Ship would be in range in a few measly seconds. More badniks were coming in droves, and that was _without _the added threat of the Koopa family! The dream was over. They had done their very best to defend freedom and justice for all mushroomkind, but with Mario missing in action they just didn't stand a chance. What were they going to do?

"People of the Mushroom Kingdom!" came the booming voice of the slimy dictator through his giant speaker. "This is your new king speaking! Surrender peacefully and I will see that you are treated better than your fungusy butts deserve! Fail to yield, and we'll just mow you down and take over the place anyway! And if you know what's good for you, maybe you'll hand over those frustrating faucet freaks as a peace offering! What's it gonna be, pipsqueaks?"

"It's gonna be _you _who gets mowed down, King Stoopa!"

MARIO. It was really him – Mario, back from the dead! Luigi gave a cry of surprise when he saw his brother take to the air, already sporting a raccoon tail and zigzagging around cannonballs with the greatest of ease. This was a banner day indeed!

But then a reddish-orange blur rocketed upward to join him. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good, but Luigi had absolutely no way of identifying it. What was that unnamed ball of crimson?

"Luigi!" Peach panted as she joined him atop the wall, frying pan in hand. "What are you doing, just standing around? We have-"

"We have Mario back," he breathed in disbelief. "Look, I... would I make this up?"

She looked, and her pink-frosted lips popped open. "Oh...!" The frying pan fell from her limp fingers as she pressed them to her heart – and it banged onto the head of the Troopa who had just begun to recover from Luigi's kick, sending him straight back to dreamland. "It _is _Mario! We're saved!"

"Yeah," Luigi said, watching the red streak warily. "Or are we?"

_***To Be Concluded!***_

* * *

><p>NOTES: He's back! He's back in the saddle again! I hope you liked all the pomp and ceremony in this chapter, Mario getting some well-earned recognition for his services. Yay for the conquering heroes!<p>

Mario has a little butt-kicking to do before we can call this one finito. Not only that, but there are still a few surprises and plot twists left in store. Did he bring somebody back with him from the other side? You ready for the big finish? See you soon!


	16. See You Next Multidimensional Mission

NOTES: Here we are at the close! In all seriousness, this fic was actually right up there with _Mysterious Scent _and _V&V, _I genuinely enjoyed writing this one a whole whole whole lot. It started out as a weird idea I was messing around with and just sort of mutated into this semi-epic tale. Maybe I should do more crossovers, what do you think? Anyway, thanks to Phantom Thief Kid, my lone reviewier for keeping me company on this crazy journey into the cosmos. And now, the grand finale! -MS

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><p><span>- Chapter 16: See You Next Multidimensional Mission -<span>

_...five minutes earlier..._

King Bowser Koopa was riding high. This was it; this was the day all of his rotten luck would finally turn around! No one had seen hide nor hair of the red-capped scourge in a full week. It had happened during their foiled attempt to take control of Pipe Maze; there had been two Mario Brothers at the start of the battle, but by the end of it, the more adventurous of the pair was a no-show. It was the best news he'd heard all century! Then, after a week of hasty repairs to their air fleet and sending spy after spy into Mushroom Village to find out if he really had vanished, it was finally time for his cunning tactics to shine.

This was their day in the sun. This was going to be a day for all Koopas everywhere to remember.

"Dad, can I have some ice cream?"

King Bowser Koopa wished he had a babysitter.

"Okay, Lemmy," he sighed tiredly, running his left claw over his reptilian face while his right continued to steer the Doom Ship. "What flavor?"

"Butterscotch Ripple! Ooh, can I have some, huh? Can I can I can I can I can-"

"NO! The Ripple is _mine! _All you brats know that much! And that's KING Dad, or do you need to go to bed straight after our hostile takeover without any TV time?"

Lemmy was crestfallen. "Aww, King Dad, but tonight's the only night when Eggplant The Clown comes on! He's my role model!"

"Then get a new role model, runt!" Roy cackled as he smacked his younger brother on the back so hard he fell off his circus ball. "Like me; I take after Reznor Fonzarelli, the king of cool!"

"Will all of you be _quiet!_" Ludwig snapped, eyes widening in fury as he ducked back out from under the main console of the ship's computer. "The navigational array isn't going to repair itself, you know!"

Roy's eyebrows knitted over the top of his sunglasses. "ME be quiet? I'm too freakin' awesome to take orders from a nerdy little hairball like you!"

It was just as they began to bicker in earnest that Wendy trotted in. Rolling her eyes at their squabble, she turned to find Larry in the corner. He was playing with a hand-held video game. Then he wasn't, because she dropped a magazine on top of it. "What do you think of these earrings?"

"AARGH!" he burst out in sheer frustration. "You made me lose! I was just about to finally get my claws on the Coat Of No Particular Color, too!"

"I think I want them in ruby," she went on as if he hadn't spoken. "But then again, the sapphire matches my eyes. Don't you think they would match my eyes?"

"How much do I look like I care what your-"

_THOOM._

The entire Koopa family went silent. That wasn't their cannons firing; it was something banging into the hull of the ship. Two seconds later, Morton was sliding down the ladder from the crow's nest and into the cabin. "It's awful, terrible, terribly awful, disgustive and repulsing!"

"What, what, _what?__"_ Roy bellowed. "Spit it out!"

"Mario's out there wrecking everything! Making a mess out of the mess hall, planks out of the plank, leaving holes in the hold! And he's not alone!"

Bowser lashed out with his fist and knocked over Lemmy, who had the bad fortune of jumping into the air to land atop his ball again at the exact wrong moment. "Blasted bilge-brains! Both of those bamboozling brothers on my boat!"

"No," Morton said, his voice somehow hushed and shrill at the same time. "This other guy, it's not Luigi! I don't know _what _the heck he is!"

Before anybody could ask further, the door that led out of the cabin and onto the poop deck imploded and went flying across to the opposite wall, taking down poor Lemmy for a third time. In bounded Raccoon Mario, fists flying and determination in every inch of his fuzzy 'stache.

"Curse you calzone-chewing cretin! What have you done to my luxury liner?"

"I'm laying in a new course: back to Dark Land, you pompous, pilfering piece of pr-"

"ENOUGH!" shouted a voice so unfamiliar that silence fell immediately. "If one more person tries out such painful alliteration again, I swear I'm just gonna burn this thing down with all of you in it!"

The Koopas turned, astounded, to look at the new player in this eternal chess game of theirs. Tall, metallic, foreboding. A real threat. And it had some kind of enormous gun.

Instantly, they all began to scatter in every which way, fumbling and crawling over the tops of each other. Two of the boys attempted to get through the hole left by the door at the same time and got stuck, so Mario simply grabbed Iggy and Lemmy's tails and swung them back into the room, knocking their heads together and putting them out of commission. Morton ended up unconscious by jumping head-first into the steering wheel, and Larry got so tangled up in a length of rope that he might as well have been hogtied. Roy stood his ground, determined to fight to the bitter end, but a single well-aimed stun blast from the interloper had him groaning on the floor.

Finally, with Mario facing down the nervously-twitching patriarch, the unknown assailant paced slowly over to the cowering figure of Wendy, clutching her fashion magazine in front of her chest and watching with wide, fearful eyes. "P-please..."

"What's that?" a voice asked from behind the opaque helmet. "You have something to say, hatchling?"

"I..." She cleared her throat, glancing around at her fallen brothers, and managed a weak smile. "Come on, you wouldn't hurt an innocent little girl, would you? Not one _this _cute!" Then she smiled wider, fluttered her eyelashes, even as her breathing came faster. However, the stranger continued to advance, to crouch and move in. "Oh no, don't... I promise I wasn't doing anything _truly_ evil; all I want is some designer jewelry from the upcoming Kammy Hilfiger fall collection! P-please, I... who the heck _are _you?"

"You don't know?"

Only when the green visor was an inch from Wendy's face did it slide up, revealing... a mirror. No, wait; it wasn't a mirror. This other face was about a decade older, a little more weathered and scarred, but unnervingly similar – and most importantly of all, it was a Koopa face. The only Koopa she had ever seen outside of her own family.

"BOO."

Then, as she let out a tiny "_Yii!__" _of sheer fright, Wendy lost the last scrap of dignity she was clinging to when she made a tiny puddle beneath herself on the floor.

"You think you've won, huh, pasta-face?" Bowser was growling angrily. "Bringing in outside forces – I cry foul! It's bad enough you and your miserable sibling dropped in outta noplace and ruined my fun! Now you gotta go traipsing all over the known galaxy and bringing back hired help?"

"Oh, clam up already, you degenerate." The 'help' took off her helmet as she stood up again, revealing a long, flowing mane of golden hair that trailed down to the middle of her back. More importantly, she revealed a curiously reptilian face. "I'm ashamed to call you a member of my species."

The few Koopas who were still awake gaped in awe at what they were seeing. It couldn't be real. In fact, Roy voiced this exact opinion when he said, "This can't be real, I... how is... wow, she's _hot!__"_

"It's some sort of trick," Ludwig hissed, trying to yank his way free of the electrical wires wrapped around his feet. The woman was still glaring at Roy with a great deal of revulsion and didn't even look over at him while he spoke. "An elaborate costume designed to catch us off-guard, to confuse us so they can more easily take us prisoner! Don't fall for it! One of you, quick, part her from that ridiculously-cheap mask so we can-"

"Get out of my reality!"

Everyone turned to look at Bowser. Mario let out a harsh laugh. "Since when does Mushroom Land belong to you, lizard lips? It belongs to everybody!"

"What did I tell you about the 'lizard' comments?" the unknown woman scolded him in an undertone, and Mario looked the tiniest bit remorseful about his choice of words. But then he was listening to Bowser rant and rave.

"I paid good money to that shady crackpot Marius to get my own dimension all to myself – just me and the missus and our eggs! He swore nobody would follow us through, that he was going to destroy the portal afterward! What a lousy businessman!"

"Oh really?" This seemed to greatly interest the stranger. "So you paid Dr. Marius for this? He had the technology all along, did he? Oh, if only we could have brought him in..."

"King Dad," Larry hissed from the floor, "what's going on? Who is she, what is she talking about?"

The scaly man didn't answer; he just stood there, huffing and puffing indignantly with his fists clenched. Mario was the first to speak again. "You were from the Rosetta Galaxy all along. All this time, the princess has been wondering how you got here and why you came when you did, why you suddenly decided you got to own this whole world lock, stock, and barrel, and it's... and it turns out you really _don't _belong here!"

"Yes I do!" Bowser shouted. "It's mine, I paid for it! You really think Bowser Koopa was gonna give up and go home just because of a few Fungish primitives? Bah! Their adults barely come up to my knees! My whole conquest of this land would have been a cakewalk if you filthy humans hadn't meddled in my affairs!"

"Bowser, Bowser..." Then the woman's large blue eyes lit up. "You... your real name isn't Barzus, is it? Please, tell me it's not. I'd actually really appreciate it if you say it's not, even if you're lying. That would be pretty Bob-ombdamn decent of you and might make up for everything you've already-"

"How do you know that name?" he growled, both suspicious and irritated at her knowledge. "I haven't used it in years! Nobody should know it by now! Who the Koop _are _you?"

"I am Wendus Oran. And..." Wendus swallowed as if she was very close to losing her lunch all over the cabin floor. "And I guess my family reunions might be a little more crowded than I told you, Mario."

"Wendus? Y- aw, crap." Bowser slapped a palm to his face. "Tarzus swore he was gonna let _me _use that name for _my _firstborn daughter. What a lousy brother he turned out to be! Well, I already knew that much, I guess; he refused to help me get the credits together to make the jump to Mushroom Land! Can you believe that? My own brother! Makes me glad I siphoned it from his bank account anyway."

A small "_ahem__" _made everyone look back to Ludwig, who had already freed his legs and stood. "Excuse me if I'm somewhat mistaken in my interpretation of this little exchange, but am I to believe... this gilded female is... is perhaps our... cousin?"

"Yep," Wendus affirmed reluctantly.

Mario wasn't sure what he thought was going to happen; for his own part, he was still reeling over this most recent development. More than anything, he was waiting for disbelief, for accusations and threats and other such Koopa-like pandemonium. What he didn't expect was for every last Koopaling (the ones who were awake, at least) to crowd around Wendus expectantly, eyes wide and curious, some of them hopping from foot to foot in ill-suppressed glee.

"Another Koopa!" Larry whispered. "Gosh!"

"I never thought I'd meet one!" Iggy gasped.

"Gross, I said my cousin was _hot,_" Roy said, looking a little queasy. "That ain't right, man... no fair! I mean, how was I supposed to know?"

"Terrific," Wendus was grumbling as they pawed at her suit, as they all babbled at once. "And now how long am I going to be putting up with _this?__"_

Ludwig waved his hand like a schoolkid in a classroom, calling, "Miss Oran! The plumber said we're from the Rosetta Galaxy – where is that, exactly? Could you point it out on my star charts if I showed them to you?"

"Your gun-arm thingy is so groovy, so radical, so lethal!" Morton was yammering on and on. "Where can I get one just like it, a facsimile, a replica, a variation on the archetype that you-"

"MAKE WAY, YOU JERKS!" Everyone cringed away from the shrillness of the voice. Wendy stomped forward in her little pink heels, put her hands on her hips, and glared up at her taller counterpart. "Wendus, huh? You got my name _and _my face, and you're supposed to be my older cousin? You know what I say to that?"

"No idea," Wendus sighed wearily. "Go ahead, say whatever it is before I lose interest."

"I say THANK _GOD!__"_ The girl threw her arms around Wendus's legs, shoulders shaking with powerful sobs. "Do you have any idea what it's like being stranded in a family with nothing but icky _brothers? _They wanna make mud pies and pick their noses and – ugh – play _sports! _No appreciation for the finer things in life like expensive shoes or claw manicures! And I get kicked around because I'm the only girl and they think girls are wimpy and dumb, but now here you are, and you're... you're so COOL! Where have you been hiding and why didn't you come sooner?"

Then, for the first time since she had entered Mushroom Land, Wendus cracked a genuine smile.

-o-o-o-o-

"Well, I guess this time it really _is_ goodbye."

Mario nodded, hands deep in his pockets. "Yep, I guess so. Just sorry you couldn't have stayed longer, taken the grand tour... experienced this magical countryside of ours."

Wendus chuckled, laugh lines appearing at the corners of her eyes. Mario felt a pang when he noticed them; she was really too young to be developing any at all, but she'd been through a lot in her early life. More than anyone should have to. "You know, I honestly didn't believe your stories about pyrotechnic flowers until I saw you eat that leaf and turn into a flying rodent. So bizarre."

"Sure you won't stick around for a quick bite and a few stories? Chef Torte, down in the castle kitchens? That man can make a mean crème brûlée that'll light your world on fire!"

"Any cook _you_ trust has to be good, pudgy buns. Maybe someday."

"Or not. Aren't you going to tell Gadd to explode the gateway after you go through?"

"Nah." She shrugged, looking around in wonder at the clear blue skies and grassy plains. "I'm sure Peachpittine will make sure he doesn't run around using it to do overly-hazardous things and that's good enough for me."

"What about Marius? Doesn't he love tampering with forces beyond his control like it's a weekend hobby?"

"He does. But don't you remember? Marius already knows the technology exists and perfected it before the professor started his own work. No point trying to hide it from _him._" She took a deep breath and stared vaguely toward the portal. "Though my new mission in life is to bring that dirtbag in for good; he can't be trusted to live out in the universe where other people are."

"Too true." Mario glanced over her shoulder. Through the heat-haze effect the portal created, he could just see Bowser in Gadd's laboratory, struggling against the magnetic shackles that had been placed on him by a few of the Fungalactic Federation Police officers. Most of his children were standing by him, shouting and carrying on, also cuffed because they had tried to free their father, but two of them were still lingering in the Mushroom Kingdom, waiting for her to catch up: Wendy and Ludwig.

Following his gaze, Wendus allowed herself a rueful smirk. "Yeah, I know. _Family._ I spent so much time lamenting that mine was gone, and now that I have one again, it's kind of a 'be careful what you wish for' scenario. What am I supposed to _do _with them?"

"Bowser has to go to jail," Mario told her adamantly. "No matter what he called himself before he moved to our neck of the woods, he still threw his weight around and tried to force us all to be his servants. Rotten, no-good, stinking-"

"Fine, fine, I'm not arguing with that part. But... where do the children go?" She gulped. "I told them their father was my father's brother, but I haven't had a chance to... to... how do you tell hatchlings that the aunt and uncle they're so excited to meet are already dead?"

Mario's face fell. For the first time, when he looked over at Ludwig and Wendy standing there, waiting for their cousin and staring at the grass nervously, all he saw was a pair of children. It wasn't their fault they had a bad luck of the draw when it came to which of the two Oran brothers appointed himself lord of Castle Koopa. That was just the life and fate, cruel as always.

"What happened to their mother, anyway?" Mario wondered aloud, almost to himself. "I can't help but think if she had stuck around, if they'd had at least _one _parent who didn't suck so bad…"

"I'll wring that out of the surviving parent. Eventually, when I'm ready to find out myself." She swept a hand through her bangs. "Okay, Mr. Ambassador, enough stalling; Gadd says that once this portal closes I'll be stuck here for three months until he'll be able to establish the gateway again, so if I don't-"

"WAIT!"

Both of them whirled to see Luigi huffing and puffing as he ran up the hill. Mario was still wondering in the back of his mind why the portal had appeared just a brisk walk outside Mushroom Village, but he was just beginning to suspect it might have been where he picked that Fire Flower Gadd used in his research. A pretty shoddy hypothesis, but the only one he had.

"Okay, okay," she said bemusedly. "Make it quick, Brother Of Brooklyn."

Luigi only looked momentarily curious at the label, then bent double to regain his breath for a few seconds before he straightened and handed her a scroll with a bright-pink wax seal holding it closed. "This... is a missive from... Her Majesty, Princess Toadstool. She sends... her regrets that she cannot... come in person to testify against... Bowser Koopa, but she-"

"She's got her plate full already cleaning up his messes?" Wendus guessed, hoping to save him the trouble of talking when he should be trying to get oxygen back into his lungs. "Fine, fine. I'll make sure the supreme chancellor gets... hey, what's this other thing?"

"A medal," he panted as she looked it over. A bright, shiny golden star, etched with the Toadstool family crest. "For bravery and valor and... service to the kingdom. Normally, there'd be a parade in your honor, but since... you're on a tight schedule, she figured the least we could do was toss it to you. So, uh, please accept this token of our gratitude, or something like that."

Wendus grinned, then tried to pin it to her Power-Up Suit, but obviously that wasn't going to work. Therefore, she took the time to remove her breastplate and pin it to her zero-suit instead. Mario noticed Luigi's eyes bug out, but when he kicked the taller brother he seemed to come back to himself.

"It'll never be far from my heart," she promised once she had put her armor back on. Then she placed both hands on Mario's shoulders. "You're gonna be allright without me, tenderfoot? This wild, untamed, prehistoric land of yours doesn't seem too inviting."

"We manage well enough. You get back to hunting down those hotspots of scum and villainy, Your Worship. The Kingdom needs me, and Rosetta Galaxy needs you." Mario bit back the "hill of beans" line from _Casablanca _that had sprung to mind, though it did make his bemused smile a little bit moreso.

"If you say so. But... oh, Bob-omb help me, I'm actually gonna miss having your hairy face around. We made a half-decent team."

Ah, what the hey; you only live once. In his best Bogart, he intoned, "Here's lookin' at you, kid."

She laughed, as if she still couldn't quite figure out what to make of him after all this time. Then she leaned over and up and kissed him on the forehead, eliciting a shocked outcry from the Koopalings behind her. "Such a funny little man."

It was time. The Space Hunter picked up her abandoned helmet from the ground, stuck the royal missive inside it and turned to go, sunshine-hued locks fluttering in the light breeze like something out of a movie. Just as she got within a few feet of her tiny cousins and Ludwig was already opening his mouth to ask some question about the portal or her suit, Mario called out, "Wendy?"

For the first time, she turned without comment at the nickname, even as the young Wendy O. Koopa pursed her ruby-red lips in outrage at having to share.

"Come back sometime. I mean it."

The small, wistful smile filled him with an oddly cold warmth. And when she raised her free hand to her brow and actually saluted him, he couldn't have been more surprised than if she'd dropped to one knee and asked for his hand in marriage. Then she finished the salute and her face took on a bold defiance, as if she meant what she was about to say more than he could ever imagine.

"See you in the stars... Mario."

Ten seconds later, all the Koopas were gone. Every last one.

"WHEW!" Luigi gusted, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand once the portal had irised closed and vanished. "Glad that's over! Think about it, Mario; no more attacks or kidnappings, ever! Maybe we can finally settle into a peaceful era for once!"

"Yeah."

As they began to trot back into town, Luigi nudged his brother. "Why so glum, chum? This is what we've been fighting to achieve for years and years, now. Bowser and his horde are history! It's _good _news!"

"You're right, I know you are." He rolled his shoulders, loosening the tense muscles. Then he lashed out with his arm and snared Luigi around the neck, causing the younger brother to laugh. "Boy, is it great to be back! I've missed everybody something fierce, and hey! Have I got a heck of a story to tell you guys – all the fantastical stuff I've seen!"

"Yeah; the mushroom retainers are still pushing that cart of goodies up to the castle. Seriously, they gave you a _statue?_" When Mario only kept walking, staring at his boots, he lowered his voice and asked, "Come on, you're not really gonna miss that Koopa woman that bad, are ya? I mean... she's cute for a lizard, I guess, but be serious. What kind of future would you two have together? Hunting bounties, beating up crooks... and she'd probably have you eating chilled monkey brains or whatever weird stuff Koopas eat."

"KoopaNs," Mario corrected. "Now that I know what they're called, we gotta start using the right word. And you know something? We really did just end up with the worst example of their race. We really did."

"Whatever you say, man."

"Besides," he went on with a twinkle of amusement in his eye, "I saw the way you looked at her morph balls when she pinned that medal to her shirt. Naughty, naughty, brother _mio._"

"Her _what?_ Hey!" When Mario began to walk faster, Luigi jogged to catch up. "Wait up, you creep!"

"Exercise, Luigi! If you're out of breath, you're out of shape!"

"How could you accuse me of such a thing? I would never- well, Koopas don't normally have any- you really think I'd be interested in dating some cold-blooded vixen from outer space?"

"You could do a lot worse than Wendus – believe me. Not that she'd give you the time of day." Then something came to him, and he stopped short just as they neared the castle moat. "By the way... have you thought of dropping in on Daisy lately?"

Luigi's eyebrows furrowed. "Daisy? Wow, that's a name I haven't heard in... well, a long time. What made you think of her?"

"No reason."

"MARIO!"

Both plumbers looked up, startled, and Mario grinned when he saw Princess Peach Toadstool bounding over the drawbridge, her disheveled hair an enormous golden bird's nest that had swallowed up her crown at some point. His grin only got wider when he saw she was wearing an old, faded pair of pink overalls, a ratty blue t-shirt, and _one _grubby shoe. Her other foot was bare and almost black with dirt. "Milady," he said with a gracious bow, but she plowed into him, squeezing with all her might.

"Oh, thank God you're safe! The whole kingdom's been looking everywhere, trying to figure out what happened, I- we all missed you so much, you have no idea!"

"Take it easy!" he laughed, holding her at arm's length. "Geez, not that it could ever make you any less beautiful, but you're a colossal mess!"

Her smudged cheeks began to glow. "W-well, I was out in the garden pulling weeds when Koopa attacked, you know; there wasn't time to change! But where have you _been?_ Luigi gave me the bare details – that there was some _robot _from another universe with you! Is Koopa really gone? Did the robot already go home? Where is home for them, exactly? And how come all your luggage says 'Ambassador' on it?"

"It's a long, ridiculous story, Peach, and I promise I'll tell you all about it over dinner. What the heck happened to your other shoe?"

"I threw it at a Snifit," she told him easily with a big, goofy smile. In that smile, he could see the qualities Peach encompassed that her doppelganger didn't; effervescence, contentment, earthiness, warmth, openness. Everything Leena didn't have the luxury of enjoying. No, they really were two very different women, and he knew he could never sacrifice either one of them for the other. "But nevermind that, just... tell me first, most importantly. Are you okay, Mario? Will everything be okay?"

Mario contemplated this question for a fleeting instant. Then he ran a gloved hand over her frizzy, sweat-soaked hair and her breath caught. Those compassionate, deep blue eyes were concerned for a whole new reason now, and she fingered the bib of his overalls nervously, waiting to see what might happen next. At last, as he touched his nose to hers, he let out a contented sigh.

"You're Bob-ombdamn right it will."

- Epilogue -

Space Hunter's Log, Entry 9121:

"I am presently en route to the distant planet of SMB388. Supreme Chancellor Peachpittine has declared, after much deliberation, that Goomboids cannot be allowed to exist in a universe where the Space Plumbers are out there trying to exploit their natural abilities to further their black desires. Alas, the Fungalactic Federation Police aren't having much luck with their attempt at genocide. Therefore, Leena specifically asked me to step in, dispatching me to their world of origin. I cannot describe the look of regret in her eyes when speaking about her decree, but she was adamant; they must be put down for the safety of our citizenry.

"Back on Gaddologic Space Labs, Professor Gadd and Ludwig are working together to attempt a reconfiguration of the Ice Beam so that it will destabilize the molecular structure of the Goomboids; this will give me a great advantage in my coming battles. Ludwig has also taken a great interest in the Super Missile Bill upgrade, and is attempting to link it with the beam to devise a devastating attack he has tentatively named the 'Ice Spreader'. I'm crossing my fingers that all of their efforts are met with success.

"However, it is with some unease that I report the news of my uncle Barzus Oran's escape from the Fungitraz orbital prison. It is unclear how he even accomplished this, being that his cell is still locked tight, but I have heard that a Space Plumber frigate was spotted in the area.

"Yes, I too would first look to his family, but I have been guaranteed that all of my younger cousins were safely tucked away in the Orphanarium on Koopus V at the time of his escape, and Ludwig was feeding the Etakongs on GSL. Even more specifically, I was suffering through a video conference at that exact hour with the little Wendy, listening to her tell me about this Koopan boy she had a crush on and beg me for dating advice. How do you tell a girl who thinks you hung the moons that your experience in that area amounts to one or two whirlwind romances that ended in disaster?

"But I'm letting myself lose focus; the mission is all that matters. I have Goomboids to destroy and survivors to locate. There may not _be_ any survivors, but I'll go over the subterranean catacombs of that planet with a fine-tune handheld scanner if I must. Those are Peachpittine's marching orders.

"And yet I can't help but feel an urge to make a little side-trip to GSL. Not solely for the juiced-up Ice Beam, but to ask the egghead if he's willing to hook up the dimensional portal again. How about it? Should I send for... reinforcements? Nah. I shouldn't bother them. Mario and his cohort have achieved lasting tranquility in their kingdom, and that above all else must be respected.

"It's crazy. When I almost tripped over that chubby little human down in the shadowy evil of Durian, I never would have expected in an eon that he would give me back not just my sense of humor and my faith in people... but my family. The one thing I knew – _knew_ was gone for good...

"You know what? He _is_ a certified Space Hunter, not to mention a member of my guild. If I want to call on him for backup, it's well within my right. Not only that, but he told me to come back sometime, and we really do make a half-decent team. I am laying in new coordinates for the research station and updating my itinerary to include this brief stopover, then sending word to Gadd to have the portal and that spare Power-Up Suit out of mothballs by the time I get there.

"After all, he's practically family, too. It's about time we held a reunion – a reunion among the stars." -Captain of the _Red __Pearl, _Wendus Oran

- The End -


End file.
